Shattered King(85)

I wanted to pull her back out, shake the fuck out of her, make her promise to never pull shit like that ever again. I’d never been so terrified in my life. Instead, I shut the door, walked around to the driver’s side, and climbed in.

Shadows cut across her precious face, and she had her eyes closed. Did she think I’d let her shut me out?

Fuck that. I wasn’t letting her do that, not now, not after the breakthrough we’d had. Not when she’d begun to let me back in.

“You fucked up tonight,” I said into the silence. “What were you thinking, Lulu?”

She clenched her fists in her lap. “He threatened to hurt Sara. What else could I do?”

I bit out another curse. “What about Josh? You think about him when you ran off?”

She drew in a sharp breath. “He was safe, he was with Jude.”

“No. Did you think about Josh?” I gritted out. “Did you think what would happen to him if anything happened to you?” What would happen to me? How I’d fucking survive without you? I felt like an asshole. She was already shaken up, but I needed to get through to her.

She straightened in her seat. “I was thinking about Josh. He comes first always . . .”

“I’m not on his birth certificate, am I?” I fired at her.

She bit her lip then shook her head.

“He’s mine, babe, but you and I both know it might not be my blood running through his veins. Anything happens to you, best-case scenario, they’d let Sara take him. Worst? He’d end up in the system, shoved from one home to the next.”

Her fingers curled into fists. “I didn’t know what else to do.”

“How about think before you fucking act? That would’ve been a good start.” Shit. I reached out for her, but she jerked back. I dropped my hand, put both on the steering wheel and gripped it tight. “You don’t trust me.”

She scrubbed her hands over her face. “I’m tired. I feel like shit. I can’t deal with this right now.”

I stared at her through the shadows. “We are going to deal with this, right motherfucking now.”

She stared straight ahead. “You may think I’m stupid for doing what I did . . . but I’d do it again. If there’s a threat to someone I care about, I’ll do whatever I must to keep them safe.”

I knew that first hand. She’d done the same for me. Fuck. I felt close to launching out of my goddamn seat. “What about me?” I yelled. “Someone threatened someone I care about. Did you think about that, about how I’d feel about you risking yourself like that?”

She bit her lip.

“Babe, I gotta tell you, that you didn’t trust me with this, that you didn’t pick up the phone and call me as soon as you finished talking to Tomas? Jesus fucking Christ, that shit pisses me the fuck off. What do you think I do for a job, Lulu?”

She spun to me, eyes flashing. “I didn’t think I had another choice!”

“I could have sorted this. No one would have touched a hair on Sara’s head. You wouldn’t have been in danger for one-fucking-minute. No, Tomas wouldn’t hurt you, but you had no way of knowing that. All you had to do was fucking trust me.”

“It wasn’t that goddamn simple.”

“Bullshit. And after everything we’ve been through? This does not make me feel good. Makes me think you aren’t ever going to open up to me, or lean on me when things get tough. And you’re sure as fuck never gonna drop that guard. First sign of trouble, instead of coming to me, you tried to sort shit on your own, shit you had no hope in hell of getting yourself out of.”

She unfolded and shifted her body toward me. “I’m sorry . . . I just . . . I . . .”

“You decided to go it alone.” I shook my head. “You’re not alone anymore, Lulu. When are you going to let that sink in? I’ve been patient. Shit, I’ve got all the patience in the world for you, but not in this. Not when you could’ve gotten yourself killed. You either trust me or you don’t. I’ve told you what I want with you. I’ve laid it out, time and again. You made the right noises, made me believe you were right fucking there with me, but you didn’t mean a goddamn word.” Then it hit me. I didn’t want to believe it, but I knew, I fucking knew the truth. “You never planned to stay,” I rasped.

The deafening silence that followed said it all.

Fuck. “You were going to leave.”

Lulu

I stared across at his hard profile, teeth clenched so tight that the muscles in his jaw jumped. I didn’t know what to say, how to answer him without making him even angrier. Yes, I’d planned to leave in the beginning, I couldn’t see any other way.