Did she know more than she ever let on about her husband and what he did? Not what he'd done to me, not that, but about his business practices?
I decided not to think about it, not to let it eat at me. I knew my mother loved me. She loved me with everything she had, but I also knew she had a fragile spirit. She was no match for Pierce. Would never have had the courage to stand up to him, even to protect me. I didn't hold that against her, there was no point. The past couldn't be changed, and we'd already lost too much time. What we had left was too precious to waste pointing fingers and placing blame.
Josh's giggles broke into an all-out belly laugh out in the living room, and I grinned. There wasn't a sound I loved more in this world.
I fired off a quick "Good Morning" text to Aunt Sara. She was staying with her friend, out of the city and safe. Then, shoving back the covers, I left the room, bypassing the bathroom, and carried on out to the living room to see what was going on. Hunter was standing against the breakfast bar. He was wearing worn black jeans and a black Ramones T-shirt. His arms were crossed, emphasizing those impressive biceps, a coffee cup in his hand, and a wide, heart-stopping, belly-melting smile on his face.
But it wasn't Hunter making my little boy laugh-it was Van. The big, scary as hell, ex-Marine was playing peekaboo over the back of the couch. Going by Josh's now hysterical laughter, he thought it was the funniest thing he'd ever seen.
His laugh was infectious and I chuckled. But seeing a man like Van melt for my little boy wasn't funny, it was swoon-worthy. He was a good-looking guy, not as hot as Hunter, not to me anyway, but yeah, a guy like that didn't have any trouble finding dates, or . . . whatever.
It was then I felt rather than saw Hunter's gaze slide to me. The heat of that stare traveled over me, making my skin tingle and between my thighs warm up. He hadn't touched me, not since that night on the couch. I could only assume it was because he wanted to take things slow after finding out what had happened to me, but I was so hot for him, I was on the verge of jumping him. It didn't matter how wrong this whole thing was, on so many levels. The sexual connection we had was as strong as ever, undeniable, and seemed to pulse between us whenever we were in the same room. It always had.
I didn't know how much more I could take.
Van straightened from behind the couch when he saw me, grinning, though it slipped when his gaze moved over my body. Then he was grinning again, but way bigger. "Hey there, Lulu."
"Ah, hey." I looked down at myself and winced, flushing hot. I was wearing my favorite sleep shirt, a white tank that was so thin it was basically transparent, and no bra, which meant my hard nipples, thanks to Hunter's scorching look and sexy biceps, were trying to break though the ratty fabric. And my ass was barely covered by a pair of red, boy-leg underwear. They hugged me between the legs, in a way that hid nothing. And I mean nothing. I might as well have been standing there naked.
Oops.
I tugged down the shirt, which to my horror, only managed to emphasize my chest and over-excited nipples.
"Lulu," Hunter's voice was nothing but a growl.
And what did I do? I just stood there, like an idiot. I did take a step back when he prowled toward me, all tight jaw and flashing eyes. He reached back and yanked his shirt up and over his head, revealing his spectacular chest. I was frozen all over again, ogling him like the sex-starved, single mother I was. Alone time with my vibrator didn't count. Most of the time my mind wouldn't shut up, and I couldn't get off anyway.
Hunter stopped in front of me and shoved his shirt over my head. I blinked up at him when my face popped though the neck. "What are you doing?"
"We've got company," he said, stating the obvious.
I'd been about to run back to my room and put something on, as soon as my lust haze had cleared, but I changed my mind. I wasn't a fan of his Neanderthal routine, not one bit, so I stubbornly squared my shoulders and shoved my hands through the sleeves. The shirt was warm and smelled delicious, just like Hunter, and big enough it came to about mid-thigh. I decided to steal it when I left.
"So I noticed." I turned a bright smile Van's way. "Coffee?"
"I'll have a top-up, thanks."
"Jesus," Hunter muttered, but I ignored him and walked past him to grab Van's cup, then back to the kitchen to make the drinks, like I walked around half dressed in his apartment all the time. The fact that even Hunter hadn't seen me like this in the morning, at least not for the last three years, wasn't the point.
I poured the drinks and Van walked over to get his. He was still grinning. I had no idea why and chose to ignore that too. "So, what brings you here this morning?"
Van's smile vanished and what I saw made my belly tighten unhappily.
"You can't find him, can you?"
"We will," Hunter said.
Shit.
The idea of being anywhere near Pierce terrified me in a way I didn't know I would ever be able to shake, but maybe, I could help. "I . . . I've been thinking, about where he could be, where he might be hiding. I know things, things no one else does. . . ." I took a deep breath. "He took me everywhere with him, maybe I could . . . help."
Hunter crossed his arms. "I won't put you at risk."
Van looked at Hunter. "We need to consider this."
I touched Hunter's arm. The muscle bunched beneath my fingers. "You'd be with me, right?" Hunter would make sure I was safe.
Hunter cursed, but I could see he knew Van was right. He looked down at me. "You sure you want to do this?"
What choice did I have? I wanted that monster caught. I wanted to get on with my life without fear. "Yes."
Hunter curled his arm around my neck and kissed the top of my head. "So fucking strong," he muttered.
I tucked my hair behind my ear. "I have an idea where to start. I have a . . . had a friend, from back then, his father was a close associate of . . ." Shit. I couldn't say Pierce's name out loud. It lodged in my throat. "Anyway, Bret hated what his father did, and because of that, we formed a kind of kinship I suppose. I haven't seen or talked to him since I left, but we were really close. I know he'll at least hear me out." I shrugged. "He might know something or have a contact that does." A lot of time had passed, but Bret had been a great guy, my only friend, stuck in a life he detested, with a father he hated. I was positive he would tell me if he knew anything.
Hunter nodded. "Okay, baby. Call your friend and we can set up a meeting. We'll go in with plenty of back up, play things nice and safe."
I nodded, ignoring the unease in my gut. Calling Bret, talking to him, was stepping back into that world, a place I only visited in my nightmares. It terrified the hell out of me.
Van's eyes were on me, too, and they softened. "Hunt told me what went down, what happened to you. I wanted to tell you . . ."
I held up a hand. It kind of just shot up on its own, self-preservation kicking in. "Don't." I shook my head. "I can't . . . I can't talk about it. Any of it."
I couldn't. What happened to me, what I did to Hunter, who Josh's father might be-the reality that my mother was lying in a hospital bed, and any day now they were going to call and tell me she was gone . . .-I couldn't deal. I just couldn't. So I chose not to. I'd made the decision to lock it all away and work though it when it suited me, or not at all, which I was leaning toward more and more.
Van stared at me. I turned away from his sympathetic expression, and stared at Josh, now sitting on the floor in front of the TV, watching cartoons.
"Okay." Van's voice was steady, but almost a whisper. "But we got you. You understand? We won't let anything happen to you. You and Josh are family, and until Pierce . . ."
I winced. Just hearing it out loud was too damn much right then. Especially with the intense emotions Hunter and Van were radiating.
Van cursed.
Hunter pulled me closer, lips brushing the top of my head. "I won't let that fucker near you. I promise you that."
The King brothers were in full-on, pissed-off, protection mode, and I couldn't take it. They cared about me, us, and right then it was more than I could handle. I couldn't allow myself to get used to this, to rely on Hunter, not when I had no intention of staying. I was barely hanging on. If I allowed myself to fall apart, I was afraid I'd never be able to put all the pieces back together again. Or they'd never go back the way they were supposed to, and I'd be broken forever.
Josh needed me. He needed his mother in one piece.
Falling apart wasn't an option.
I pulled out of Hunter's arms and headed across the living room. "Can you watch Josh while I grab a shower?"
I didn't wait for an answer. I raced to the bathroom and shut myself in.