I was jerking my head from side to side in denial, blood thundering in my ears. "No . . . no."
"This is happening, Lulu. I know we've got a lot of shit to sort out, but this is happening."
"No . . ." Goddammit, why couldn't I just say it?
"Jesus, we have a son, Lulu," he said, something like awe in his voice.
Say it. Just say it. I opened my mouth, closed it, tried again. Nothing, nothing would come.
His expression changed, something flickering in his eyes. "Lulu?"
"I . . . I . . ." I don't want to say it. Please, don't make me say it.
He stared at me, expression shifting. "He is he mine. Isn't he?" he rasped. "It's not a hard question."
I had to give it to him straight. Nothing, nothing would sugarcoat what I had to say. "I don't . . ." My voice came out shaky as hell. "I don't know."
His eyes drifted closed and his fists clenched tight at his sides. When he opened them again, they were blue flames. "Your aunt gave me his birth date. I'm not dumb, I can do the math. You were mine when you got knocked up, right before I went down. Do I have that right?"
"Yes," I whispered.
Now not only my voice was shaking, my whole body had joined the party.
"You were fucking around?" He spun away, shoved his hands in his hair, and strode across the floor to the window then turned back. "Who?"
Oh God.
Memories I'd kept buried until yesterday-until I sat in that chair, in that shitty abandoned apartment and felt that bastard's hands on me again-flooded my mind. I couldn't say it. I couldn't say it out loud. I never had. Not once. That made it easier somehow, keeping it locked up, pretending it wasn't real, that it never happened.
"Tell me," he barked, and strode back toward me.
"I can't . . ."
"Fucking tell me." He got in my face, and I jerked back.
"I . . ."
"Who?" he roared.
I slammed my eyes shut. I couldn't look at him, not when I said it. Not when I said the truth out loud. "Pierce. It was . . . Pierce."
The room went electric, then deathly silent, the temperature going subzero in less than a second. "What the fuck did you just say?"
His anger washed over me, through me, and to my surprise, my own came roaring to the surface. My eyes snapped open, firing just as much heat back at him. Hunter was still close, in my space, and I shoved at his chest. "You heard me. It was Pierce."
He looked ready to tear the room apart. "That's why I got sent down? The guy you were screwing behind my back, your fucking stepfather, got jealous and wanted me out of the way?"
"No."
"No?" he growled. "That's how it sure as fuck looks to me."
"Look again, asshole." I shoved at him again. He didn't budge, not an inch. The anger pumping through me was good. It was better than the fear and disgust, the pain I'd felt that night, hovering just beneath the surface, waiting to be unleashed all over again. "You think I'd willingly sleep with my stepfather? My mother's husband? That I'd let him put his filthy hands on me? A man who I've despised for almost as long as I've known him? A man who blackmailed me into betraying you?"
I thought he'd looked scary before. I was wrong. That's when I saw it, when he started to work it out. "The way I found you at that park." He released a shaky breath. "You're saying that wasn't the first time he tried to hurt you like that?"
I didn't answer, just held his stare.
He jerked back like I'd slapped him, eyes drifting shut for a few seconds. "Baby, no." He didn't sound like himself, voice low, so damn raw.
I collapsed back on my pillows, staring at the ceiling, humiliation, disgust, shame all battling inside me. "It started when I was fifteen."
Hunter moved back in close, but I kept my hands clenched tight together. I didn't want comfort right then.
"I was looking for one of the maids. My mom needed her for something, so I went looking. I finally found her in one of the spare rooms. Pierce was on top of her and she was struggling. He turned and saw me, screamed at me to stay where I was. Catrina, the maid, scrambled off the bed crying. That's when Pierce threatened her not to tell anyone. He backhanded her and she fell. Her head hit the edge of the dresser. She died instantly." I noticed how my own voice had changed. With each word, I sounded more robotic, more detached. The more I talked, the more the emotion leached away until I felt almost numb. Numb was good. "Pierce was afraid I'd talk, so he started taking me everywhere he went. He kept me chained to his side, even convinced my mom I should be home schooled, that I could learn more from him than any classroom."
I stared out the window. "Then one day, something changed. I don't know why. He just started looking at me different. That was the first time it happened. I was so scared of him and my mom was sick, so I did what he said. I kept my mouth shut."
I turned back to him and forced myself to keep on going. "It didn't happen as much when I got older. I wasn't as easily managed. I was smarter, knew to make sure we were never alone, where to hide if I knew we would be. Then I met you. One day you were just there and everything changed. When Pierce found out about us . . . he lost it. He knew he was already losing control of me. And he hated it. So he figured out a way to get rid of you."
I shook my head. "I didn't have any choice. I knew what he was capable of. He told me to report back to him after I'd talked to the police, after I'd lied and said I wasn't with you that night, demanded I see him in person. My mother wasn't home. After he made me sign over my trust fund to him, he demanded I tell him what I said to them, all of it. I did, but after he wouldn't let me leave. Then he . . . he forced me to the floor . . . and he raped me."
I slid my gaze back to Hunter, shocked that I'd said it, and though I shouldn't be, shocked at how saying it out loud made it so much more real. I'd lived with it for a long time, but I'd had no one to talk to, no one to tell, and now it hit me, hard. There was no feeling of relief at getting it off my chest. Instead, it felt like someone had dumped something heavy on top of me, and now I was suffocating.
"No." The word exploded from him. "No," he said again, shaking his head, face twisted in pain. His breath was hissing in and out as he battled with his own emotions. He bent at the waist, hands resting on his knees, like he'd just had a hard run, or was about to throw up.
"Hunter . . ."
"Fuck," he groaned. He moved suddenly, took my hand, and I noticed he was shaking, too. His whole body seemed to vibrate. I couldn't take it. I couldn't process what I was feeling and take in what he was sending out. It filled the room, heavy and thick. I'd never felt anything like it. "Fuck," he whispered again.
I tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let me go. He went to his knees, head dipped, and kissed my hand.
I moaned. "Please . . . I can't . . ."
"He's mine."
"What?"
Hunter lifted his head, intense gaze locked on me. "Josh is mine. Don't give a fuck about DNA or any of that bullshit. That boy is mine. You're both mine. And that motherfucker will pay for what he did to you. I promise you that."
All the emotion I was trying to keep on lockdown came back full force, knocking the wind from my lungs.
He kissed my hand again. "I'm gonna take care of you now, Lulu. No more running, baby. No more."
I closed my eyes and bit my lip, trying to use the physical pain of it to pull it back together, because right then I wanted what he was offering, more than anything. I wanted to be looked after. I wanted someone to take care of Josh and me, even if it was just for a little while. It was wrong. He didn't owe us anything, not now.
I knew Hunter would look out for Josh, make sure he had what he needed, but I didn't know if he truly understood what he was saying. Right now emotions were high. He was talking about possibly raising the son of the man who set him up, who he just found out raped and blackmailed his woman.
At some point, that would get to him and would tear us apart again.
But for now, I'd let him take care of us. I'd been doing it so damn long, and right then, I didn't have the energy to do it anymore. I didn't have the strength to fight him, either. I just . . . didn't.
Not only did I need to feel safe, to know Josh was safe, but I knew Hunter needed to be the one to do that for us. I got that.
So just for a little while, I'd let him.
Long enough to get back on my feet, but not long enough for my son,-or me, to get attached.
It was selfish, but I'd take this for myself.
Just for a little while.
CHAPTER NINE
Hunter
I stared down at my woman, her thick lashes resting against her swollen, bruised skin, her beautiful red hair spread out on the pillow. She looked so fucking fragile, I fought the urge to scoop her up in my arms and take her out of here, to take her home, with me, where she belonged, where she was safe.