“I know I fucked up,” I said. “I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you all for what you did.”
He gave me a squeeze, silencing me. “That’s not why I’m pissed off, Lulu.”
Okay, now I was confused. “So why . . . why are you still so angry?”
His eyes flashed. When he spoke, his voice was dangerously low. “I’m still angry because you’re laying here in my bed, and I want you. I want you so fucking much I can’t think straight. And as much as I want to, I can’t force you to feel the same way. I can’t hold you prisoner and never let you go. And I sure as fuck I can’t force you to trust me, or make you believe that I would never let anything from my job touch you or Josh.”
I sucked in a breath through my nose.
He just stared at me.
I tried to lift up a little and this time he let me. I stared into his eyes and felt the heat in them move through me. The sensation was exquisite. Knowing that he hadn’t given up on me, on us . . .
“When I woke up in that room . . . I didn’t know if I’d ever see you again.”
He flinched. “Lulu . . .”
“No. Please. I need to say this.”
He gritted his teeth and gave me a small nod.
“I tried to tell myself to just lay there and take it, whatever he was going to do to me, just make it to the other side, make it out of there alive . . . but then . . .” I shook my head. “He told me he was going to kill you, that he wasn’t going to hand me over. And I fought, because there was no way I could let him hurt you . . .”
His body went tight, every muscle flexing against me.
Hunter had sat stiff during my questioning with the police, while I’d described my attempted escape. He knew physically what I’d been through, but not what was going on in my head. I needed him to understand, so I carried on. “When he dragged me back . . .”
Hunter moved fast. One minute I was looking down at him, the next he flipped us so I was on my back and he was looking down at me. “You don’t have to do this, Lulu. Not yet.”
“I need to explain. Please.” My hands went to the sides of his face. “Please.”
His fingers tightened in my hair, but he gave me another small nod. He wasn’t happy about it, though. I didn’t want to make this harder on him, so I didn’t go into detail. Instead, I let my hands trail down his back, fingers digging into the thick muscle there. His eyes drifted shut for a second before opening back up and locking on me. “You don’t need to force me to want you.”
He sucked in a sharp breath. “Lulu.”
“You don’t need to force me to trust you either. I trust you, Hunter. I know you’d move heaven and earth to make sure nothing you do at work touches me or Josh.” He didn’t move, didn’t speak, just stared down at me with those gorgeous blue eyes. “I realized in that moment, in that dark room, what I’d always known in my heart . . . a life with you, however that comes, is all I want, all I’ve ever wanted, and I’d do whatever I had to to make sure I got that chance with you again. I’d suffer anything to be here with you again like this. To get our little family back.”
“Babe . . .” he rasped.
But I wasn’t finished. “Losing you once was hard enough. When you got shot . . .” I bit my lip, ignored the moisture gathering in my eyes, and carried on. “I was so damn scared, of so many things . . .”
“Baby,” he whispered. “You’re not going to lose me.”
“I don’t think I’d survive it.”
“I’m taking a step back,” he said.
“What?” My voice came out barely a whisper.
“When we started the agency, my main reason for doing it was you, to prove myself to you. I’d wanted to be able to give you everything, whatever you needed. That hasn’t changed. That’s all I want. Besides, Van’s been getting antsy behind his desk for a while now . . . so we’re switching roles. I’ll still do field work, but I’ll leave the higher-risk stuff to the other guys.”
I was suddenly finding it hard to breathe, struggling to process all he’d just said. “You’d do that . . . for me?”
His thumb slid across my cheek. “Nothing is more important to me than you and our son.” He grinned. “Plus, there’s an added bonus.”
“What’s that?”
“I’ll be wearing suits a lot more often.”
I chuckled, and it sounded a little watery. I sniffed. “That is definitely a bonus.”
He dropped down, and I wrapped myself around him, arms and legs, and clung to him for all I was worth. I turned my head, lips going to his ear. “I love you,” I breathed. “It’s only ever been you.”