Shattered Edge(69)

This whole thing had to come to some kind of an end. I needed to speak with Preston, or someone from his group. I thought that maybe there was some way for me to help. A spark began to ignite in me...something I hadn’t felt in a long time. Working with him was out of the question, but maybe I could do surveillance. Or research. Something useful. My “death” was not going to be in vain.





CHAPTER TWENTY FIVE





Justin



When she was late and didn’t return my calls, my guts tightened and then twisted. Something was wrong. Bad wrong. Seven went by, then seven fifteen and I was in my car headed to her house. Her street was cordoned off by the time I got there and smoke was billowing everywhere.

I never turned my car off...just left my keys in the ignition with the engine running as I ran toward her house. Police tape was already up and they wouldn’t let me through.

“That’s my fiancé's house. I need to go to her!” I screamed.

The officer grabbed me by the shoulders and said, “Sir, calm down.”

“I’m a fucking doctor. I can help her.”

“Sir!”

I kept shouting and then there were several, I don’t know how many, police officers around me, pulling me back.

“Sir! Sir! Listen to me. Is there someone you can call?”

What the hell was wrong with these guys?

“What are you talking about? I need to go to Terri! She needs me!”

“Sir, she doesn’t need you. I’m sorry sir. Is there a family member you can call?”

“I don’t understand.”

“She’s gone sir. The explosion was so fierce. Nothing could’ve survived it. She and her mother died instantly.”

“Died? Terri and her mother?”

He walked me toward an ambulance that was parked further away and the paramedic started talking to me. I couldn’t tell you a thing about what he said. I’m not sure how, but I saw my dad and Pearce walking toward me. I knew this was bad. It was starting to sink in now.

“I want to go home.” I started to walk toward my car. I stumbled once, then twice and face planted.

Pearce’s voice came through the thundering in my ears. “I got you buddy. Hang on brother, I got you.” He was helping me up and I got into a car. I don’t really remember anything, other than sheer numbness. My mind, my brain, my arms and legs.

They say there are seven stages of grief. I hit the first four immediately...shock, pain, anger and depression. I didn’t think I’d ever pass through of any of them.

How could this have happened to her...a car bomb? This was Charleston for fuck’s sake. People didn’t get blown up by car bombs here. How could I go on...she meant everything to me? Everything. Every damn time I closed my eyes, her face was there, murmuring sweet sexy words or telling me she loved me. Fuck this shit. This was SO not fair. So goddamn unfair. She was so young and we were at the beginning of our lives together. How could this happen and who would do this to her? Goddammit!

I would go days without bathing. I only ate to stay alive. I took a leave of absence. Phil begged me to come in for therapy. I could barely leave my home. I was beyond dysfunctional...I was nonfunctional.

Phil started coming to me. He prescribed medication and he asked me to move in with my parents temporarily. I told him no.

“Justin, you can’t go on like this.” He held my hands out and examined them. My hands and arms were chafed from where I had rubbed the skin off.

“Why?”

He looked at me and said, “Man, I wish I knew that answer. There never is a why. It just is.”

“I don’t want to go on without her.”

“I know you don’t. But you have to and you will. And do you know why?”

I shook my head.

“Because it’s what she would’ve have wanted you to do.”

BAM! He was so damned right. If there was one thing about Terri, she was strong and wouldn’t have wanted me wallowing around like this.

“Yeah, you’re right. Okay. I’m going to get my ass in gear. I’ll do it for her.”

Phil left me with a list of everything he wanted me to do every day. And I started that day.

That night when it was time for bed, I climbed in the sheets and curled on my side. She snuggled right in there front of me, like she had every night since the explosion. I put my nose on her neck and smelled that lavender body butter that she loved so much. And that night I told her good bye...that she had to leave here for good. Because that’s what she’d want for me...for us. I cried like a baby and never thought I’d stop.

The next morning, Lexi and I planned her memorial service. One of her dreams was to eventually walk the 10K Cooper River Bridge Run so I decided her service would only include my family and Alana. It would take place in the middle of the Arthur Ravenel, Jr. Bridge, otherwise known as the New Cooper River Bridge. We would do it this weekend and since Avery wouldn’t be able to walk there, we would get a car to drive her there and then come back to pick her up. Afterwards, we would go to Home Team to toast her.