Shattered Edge(53)

“I think you’re right.”

We walked inside and he threw something together for us to eat. Everything between us felt off kilter, not balanced. He was understandably hurt and I was confused and scared. And I hated myself for hurting him. But then I started thinking about it all and that he had no real motives for withholding the truth.

I finally realized that he had to be telling me the truth. He had no reason to lie. If he’d dropped the condom, that is if he had been carrying one, he would’ve said something. There wouldn’t have been a reason for him to cover it up. He could’ve said that it was probably in his wallet from way back and it must’ve fallen out.

We’d just finished eating in silence when my stomach started to churn over what I just put him through. I turned to him and said, “God, I’m so sorry for doubting you...for questioning your integrity. Please forgive me Justin.”

I’d taken his hand in both of mine and then kissed his knuckles. I looked back up to him and said, “There is no excuse for my lack of trust in you so is all I can say is that I’m terribly sorry for not believing you.”

He didn’t say anything except nod and then he pulled me close to him and hugged me. We stood together like that and I grabbed a hold of his shirt and just cried. I felt like the biggest jerk in the world. “I’m so sorry,” I kept mumbling against his chest. He let me get it all out.

When I was able to get control of myself again, I felt like an even bigger fool.

“God, I’m such a lame idiot. I’m sorry for treating you that way and I'm sorry I cried all over you.”

“Look, I need to tell you something.” He took my face into his hands and something stirred in his eyes. “When I told you I loved you, I didn’t mean it for a day or a week. I meant it for life Terri. I’ve never come close to saying those words to another girl before. I take them very seriously. If, for some reason, which I know in my heart will never happen, I find that my feelings for you have changed, I won’t cheat on you. I’ll tell you and we can decide how to deal with it first. I’m not that kind of a guy, whether or not you think of me that way. I will always be true to you and I’ll always be honest.” Then he lightly touched his lips to mine, and held me tightly. His words made me cry all over again.

He lifted me in his arms and carried me upstairs. We went straight into his bathroom, where he set me on the counter and then he took a washcloth and ran it under cool water. He wiped my face off and helped me clean off my makeup. He put some toothpaste on my toothbrush and helped me brush my teeth. When I was finished, he handed me a long strip of floss. Afterward, he helped me undress and gave me one of his t-shirts to sleep in.

He pulled the covers back and I climbed into bed. He slipped in next to me, pulling me into the curve by his side. I squiggled in close to him and thanked him for taking such good care of me.

“That’s what you do for someone when you love them, Terri.” I started to cry again.

“Shh. Don’t cry anymore sweetheart.”

I turned to him and put my arms around him. “I feel like such a shit. I’m so sorry I hurt you. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I don’t want you to hurt me either babe. Let’s just forget this ever happened.”

“I’ll never forget the pain etched on your face when I got here Justin.” I put my fingers on his face and ran my thumbs lightly beneath his eyes and then across his brows.

He kissed me again, softly. “Terri, listen, I am a little worried about someone getting into your house. Promise me you won’t ever leave your alarm deactivated or your doors unlocked. Okay?”

I nodded. “Okay.”

Then we went to sleep. I had to be up early because I had to run by my dad’s office to pick up some last minute things.



********



My life was on an emotional roller coaster of the disastrous sort. Just when I thought things were going well, the bottom fell out. I left Justin’s and raced over to my dad’s office. I wanted to get there before he did so I wouldn’t have to see him. I know I was being a chicken, but damn it, it would be easier and after seeing him with the town whore’s head in his lap, I really wasn’t in the mood to face him.

Pulling into the parking lot I let out a curse when I saw his car parked in his usual spot.

Great! Just what I need today.

Knowing there’d be no escaping this, I hauled my butt in the door and headed straight back to his office. The door was shut, and I immediately got the creeps as I remembered the other day when I came barging in to his closed office. I’d learned my lesson on that one, so I banged on his door, hard.