I bent my head down and followed the path on his lip that his tongue had just blazed. He groaned and opened his mouth to latch my tongue to his.
“Not yet,” I whispered.
He groaned again.
I separated his shirt and ran one finger from his throat to the waistband of his boxers, and then back up. I bent my head and began my torture of Justin. Nipping, then nibbling and sucking until he was begging. I would suck his nipples hard, then ease up and move to another place, only to return. A peck here, a tiny bite there, a light touch down below, but all teasing him. His erection was straining against his boxers and he was writhing on the bed. I had a bag of ice next to me and I grabbed a handful of the cubes and put them in my mouth. I scooted down the bed and put my hand around his length and when I wrapped my lips on it, and he felt the iciness inside, he groaned and in seconds was moaning and climaxing. He’d grabbed my hair and had twisted his hands in it, and his groans went on and on as his body bucked against me.
One minute I had my head on his lap and the next minute I was stripped naked and he was driving himself inside of me and now it was my turn to scream and moan. When the world righted itself, or maybe it was right the other way, he looked at me and shook his head.
“Christ, Terri. Remind me not to leave any bags of ice laying around you any time soon.”
“You didn’t like that?”
“Not one tiny bit.” Then he took my lip between his teeth and tugged on it a little. He kept looking at me, differently, almost like he was gaging my reaction, or getting ready to anyway.
“What?”
He smiled. “I was just...” he took a deep breath, “I was just thinking about how close I feel to you.”
“Is that what this is all about?”
His eyes, dark, deep and penetrating, touched my heart. Something was hurting him and I wanted to know what it was. I put my fingers up to his brows and whispered, “Such a pained expression.”
“I’m afraid I’m not good enough for you. That you deserve better than this. Than what I am...what I’ve been. I’m afraid that one day you’ll wake up and realize that I am just a miserable piece of shit, and that you’ve wasted your precious time with me.”
I broke for him. His pain and hurt penetrated every inch of my body and I wanted to cry out for him. “Oh Justin. Why would you ever think that? Have I done something to give you that idea?”
He nodded, “No. You’ve been perfect. You are perfect.”
“Then why? Well hell, the why doesn’t matter because I don’t feel that way at all. I know in my heart and soul that will never happen. Look Justin, there are never any guarantees in life. But if you trust someone, and have faith in that person, and respect them, then I believe the best will happen.” I ran my hands in his hair and held his head. I caught his gaze and said, “I think you know that I have faith in you and I respect you way more than mere words can say. You’ve been here for me and kept me safe. You’ve made me feel a part of you...a part of your life...made me feel special, like I mean something to you. I would never ever think I was wasting my time with you, or that I deserved better. I pretty much think you’re a special guy Justin, or I wouldn’t even be here right now.”
He’d started moving toward my lips as I was talking, and as the last words left my lips he kissed me...gently...teasingly...briefly.
“Justin, am I even getting through to you?” I was beginning to worry about him.
He smiled, but his eyes wore a pained expression.
“I can only hope Terri. You’ve turned my life upside down...made me examine things I’d never thought of before. I hope I’m enough for you.”
He moved to roll off of me, but I couldn’t bear the thought of him leaving.
“Please don’t go. Stay here and just hold me for a while.”
He gathered me in his arms and I twisted my body around his, clinging tightly to him, fearing that what we had was slipping away. I felt a fissure developing between us and I didn’t know why or what to do to bridge it.
“Don’t pull away from me Justin. Please don’t.”
He smiled sadly and I felt things were going to end. My eyes filled with tears and I didn’t know what to do. I didn’t want to cry, but the sadness pouring off of him was so profound it penetrated my very soul.
What the hell had happened?
I just couldn’t figure it out. Something had gotten into his head.
He felt my silent sobs as they wracked my body. He held me tightly to him but never spoke. Sleep took over because I woke up later and found myself alone, in his cold and lonely bed.
Biological functions don’t stop, even when your heart doesn’t beat appropriately any more. Hell with the no walking thing. I hobbled to the bathroom and then dressed. I needed to get away from here or I would be one hell of a mess. Navigating the stairs wasn’t easy at first, so I sat on my ass and went down that way.