“Trust me when I fucking tell you Bree, that I sure don’t think of you as my child.”
“I didn’t mean to…”
“What I want from you, what I’m feeling with you is the farthest thing from fatherly that you can get and that’s the fucking truth.”
“Okay. I’m sorry Jax. This is all new to me. I mean, I know I am younger. I was just…”
“I mean I want to be the man in charge of you, the man who takes care of you, protects you, and sees to your needs. I will be your man, Bree. For…however long this lasts, I will be the only man you come to for anything. You got me?”
“I got you,” she says, swallowing. I watch the movement of her throat and then slowly tear my eyes away so I can look into her eyes again. “I just didn’t want people to think that…”
“That’s where you need to stop. There are no people in this situation, Bree. None, except me and you. It doesn’t matter what they think, because no one will ever know,” I caution her and even though it needed done, when I see the look that flashes over her face, fuck if I don’t feel that pain in my chest again. Disappointment. She’s disappointed. If the situation were different, I’d do everything I could to make sure that’s one thing Bree never feels again. This time it can’t be helped. Hell. I’m disappointed myself. Disappointed, fucking pissed off, feeling cheated…
“Okay, Jax,” she agrees.
“That being said, nothing two people do between each other can ever be wrong as long as they both are happy and find pleasure. I’ve never wanted this particular thing with another woman. I want it with you. That’s as far as I’m questioning it. Understand?”
“You haven’t? Never? Not even before…?” she asks, worrying the corner of her bottom lip with her teeth.
“Only you,” I tell her, giving her too much, but feeling as if I did something right when disappointment leaves her face and happiness replaces it.
“Go shower,” she says with a smile. “I’ll make the call.”
I stand there, looking at her smile unable to move for a minute, and wishing things could be different.
If wishes were horses…
I’d still be riding my fucking bike. Wishes are useless. Especially now. Especially for me.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Bree
Waking up in the arms of Jax is a new experience. Sadly, I barely remember going to sleep with him last night. I was out before he got out of the shower, and I can only vaguely remember him getting me and putting me in his bed. The only thing that I remember clearly is the way he spooned me from behind, wrapped his arm around me, and palmed my breast. He placed a gentle kiss on my neck and whispered, “Sweet dreams, baby,” in my ear. For a woman who has never had any type of affection in her life—save a grandfather whose guilt leads him to buy me anything he thinks I might want, but whose idea of a hug is an awkward pat on the shoulder…this is a new experience. For the first time in my life I feel wanted. I was pretty sure that feeling couldn’t be matched.
This morning, waking up with our naked bodies tangled together, my head on Jax’s chest, and his hand wrapped in my hair holding me to him, I’m not so sure. I feel warm, wanted, and maybe even a little sexy. I feel like a…woman. Surely, this has to be the greatest feeling. It can’t get any better than this. Right?
Jax is still sleeping and even in his sleep he’s holding me tight. I move away slightly, ignoring the pain that happens as my hair pulls against his hold. I look at his face. He looks peaceful and carefree like this. He’s a beautiful man, but I somehow miss the smile on his lips I’ve been able to glimpse a few times. He looks powerful. His chest is covered with a fine mist of hair, dark in color with just a small sprinkling of silver here and there. I always thought I’d prefer a smooth chest. Jax has proven me wrong. I love the way it feels when my fingers run through the hair, and the way it’s crushed against my face while I lay here. His arm has this huge tattoo. I don’t know about these things, but it looks military. There’s an eagle on it. There’s another tattoo I saw on his back last night of a bike riding through flames, with the words, ‘Forged In Fire.’
I thought that maybe it was his club tattoo, but I must have been wrong because there’s a skull in flames that says, ‘Devil’s Blaze Soldier, Brothers Forever,’ on his side. I can’t resist tracing the ink with my finger. He stirs in his sleep and grunts, which makes me grin. His hand slips from my hair and gives me more movement, and I can’t resist taking advantage of that. This time, I trace the lines of his tattoo with my tongue, stopping only when I place a kiss in the center. Jax shifts, but thankfully doesn’t wake. I get more time to play, because I’m really not sure which Jax is going to wake up. Will he be the Jax who regrets having me here, or the commanding Jax who makes me weak with desire? I know which one I’m hoping for, maybe I can help push him in the direction I want.