I know the kind of lifestyle Shadow is in. I’ve been practicing, studying, and adopting it as my own for the past several months. I may not know the very extent of his particular trade, but I do know a little about it. Pain. He loves to inflict pain. He needs to cause harm to another in order for him to cum.
One night, I followed him to a BDSM club. Shadow wouldn’t touch me at all, and I figured out why. He is afraid he might scare me off.
So I made the choice to walk into the club unprepared and not knowing zip. The first few times I practiced, it was fantastic. I tried the light restraints and being gagged. It wasn’t until Shadow told me he’s a Sadist and loved to inflict actual pain that I dug a little deeper. That is when I messed up. I messed up horribly.
I met a guy outside the club. Instead of going inside, we decided to go to his place. Taking my practice and learning outside of the club playspace was my first mistake. My second was leaving with a man I didn’t know and practicing bondage and autoerotic asphyxia with him. He beat me as I was bound, and not lightly, I might add. He caused extreme bruising to my face, and he choked me so hard that I was unconscious for too long. The man was obviously a very sick Sadist, or he had no knowledge of what the hell he was doing. I may be new at this, but even Shadow made it clear that erotic asphyxiation was not to be practiced like that. A little too late did I find out about edgeplay. It was by far the worst thing I have ever felt and done. I still study and practice the lifestyle. So far, I am leaning more towards sadomasochism, and a little bondage interests me.
At first, I did this so I could be with Shadow. After all, this is his way of life. This is what he needs, but as time has gone by, I’ve decided to see it through, with or without him. It interests me, and I find myself craving more. But since the club won’t allow me to go back there right now, I read and try to understand everything that I can while Shadow sits in denial.
My eyes drift closed as he moves behind me. God, why does he do this to me? He leans over and deliberately places his lips to my ear. The fucker knows what he does to me. He likes to play this sick game and rile up my emotions.
“Whatcha doin’, darlin’,” he asks.
“What does it look like I’m doing, Shadow?”
I’ll play head games right back. I’ll act like I couldn’t give a crap about him whispering behind me. Bastard ass!
“Tea, what’s with the hostility?”
Seriously?
“Not hostile, just busy.” I hit the save as button on my laptop so I don’t lose all my homework. There is absolutely no way I will be able to focus with him around me. Hell, I will be lucky if I can even function when he leaves, which I hope is very soon.
“You’ve been a little distant, Tea. What’s that about?”
Oh. My. God.
Mind games. This is what he does. Pushes and pulls, pushes and pulls, over and over again. It makes me want to turn the tables on his ass and cause bodily freaking harm!
Must. Remain. Calm, Tatiana!
“You kept pushing me away, Shadow. I’m only giving you what you wanted.”
After I close my laptop and shove my papers back into a folder, I turn to face him. He looks pensive, but almost smirky at the same time. Although he looks hot in his shades, I always want to rip them from his face so I can see his eyes. If I want to get answers from Shadow, I’ll find them in his gaze. This is one of the main reasons he keeps them covered and masks them with blue contacts.
“Hmm…” He manages to get out minutes later.
I want to grab him by his leather cut and shake the shit out of him.
“Shadow, I’m ready to go.” Winter’s voice breaks our gaze from one another.
Thank god!
My shoulders slump and he takes one last look at me before turning towards Winter. Storm cackles and waits for Shadow and Winter to leave before she opens her mouth.
“Well, that wasn’t tense at all…”
I smirk at her. “Very funny, Storm.”
Piper puts the last bottle of whiskey away before she comes back to the bar, leans in, knots her hands under her chin, and stares at me.
No, that isn’t weird at all.
“You’re creeping me the hell out, Piper.”
She looks at Storm before they burst out in laughter. They are trying to get a rise out of me and I am doing my best to refrain from letting my age show. I may not be much younger than they are, but that doesn’t stop me from wanting to act more mature.
“You think it’s too early for them to know what the baby is?”
Storm sighs before answering Piper. “Probably so, but try telling that to Braxx.”
My heart aches for her and my father, and even though Storm says she is okay with not having a baby, everyone knows it is the biggest lie of them all.