Shadowed(75)

The big Kindred moved farther down. Big, warm hands cupped her breasts roughly through the thin fur-like material of her dress, rolling her nipples until she moaned out loud. A warm, wet tongue licked a searing furrow right between her breasts. Nina moaned and felt her back arching involuntarily. God, she had to stop this…stop it now.

“Reddix,” she tried to warn him breathlessly. “Don’t—I don’t…don’t want to hurt you. Please stop. I don’t…you can’t…”

Her only answer was an inarticulate, lust filled growl that sounded more animal than human. Nina didn’t want to do it, but when one of his big warm hands left her breasts and started traveling sound of her belly button to slip under her dress, she knew she had no choice.

But not the kill switch again, she thought deliriously. Don’t want to knock him out for another three days. Just need to…to get him off me.

Carefully she slid the little plastic shield across the green button to one side and pressed it briefly.

The effect was instantaneous. Reddix stiffened on top of her and then threw himself backward, writhing in agony.

“Oh my God!” Nina fumbled with the controller, her fingers suddenly numb. Quickly she slid aside the shield over the blue button and jammed down on it hard.

The big Kindred relaxed at once, panting hoarsely. His hands, which had been clawing at the collar, dropped to his sides, and he heaved, his muscular chest rising and falling like bellows.

“I’m so sorry!” Nina gasped, leaning over him. “Are you all right? I didn’t want to press the button—I swear I didn’t. But you…you wouldn’t stop.”

Reddix choked and shook his head.

“You did…did the right thing.” His deep voice was scarcely more than a harsh whisper. Slowly, stiffly, he sat up and settled on the side of the bed, elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

“I just…” Nina began helplessly.

“Don’t fucking apologize. I’m the one who ought to be begging your forgiveness.” He sounded angry—but with himself, Nina realized—not with her. “It’s just…” He shook his head. “It’s been so long since I’ve been able to touch a female—or tolerate the touch of one in return.” He gave her a sidelong glance. “And you’re so Goddess damned beautiful—so perfect. I just…I lost myself.”

“I’m sorry,” Nina said softly. “I should have realized…I just wanted to ease some of your tension.”

He barked a laugh. “I’m afraid you failed. I’ve never felt more tense in my life. Well, until you shocked me. That took care of the problem nicely.” He glanced down between his legs as though to confirm he didn’t have an erection.

“I’m sorry—” she started again.

“Don’t be,” he said harshly. “I kidnapped you, remember? Then I dragged you through a wormhole to a strange planet where I tried to rape you.” He shook his head. “Gods, what’s wrong with me?”

“You never…” Nina’s mouth was suddenly dry. “You wouldn’t have. Not really. You just…lost control a little. That’s all.”

“Stop making excuses for me. You don’t know what I’m capable of.” He sat up and stared her straight in the face. “You want to know how this happened?” he asked, stroking his fingers along the cruel white scars marring his otherwise perfect jaw. “Do you?”

“I—”

“I did it myself with a knife,” he said bluntly. “Back when the RTS first got really bad. I was going to do my whole face but my little sister, Minda, came in and caught me. She…” He shook his head for a moment and swallowed hard. “There was blood everywhere…my hands, my face. It scared her. I think for a moment she thought I’d cut my own fucking throat.” He looked away. “And at that moment, I wished I had.”

“Oh, Reddix…” Nina didn’t know what to say. Her heart ached for him, bled for his pain. She put a hand on his arm tentatively, but he shook it off.

“She cried for me…begged me to stop,” he went on in a flat, emotionless voice. “She couldn’t understand why I would do such a thing. How could I explain to her that being ugly was better?”

Realization flashed over Nina. “What you were saying earlier—about feeling someone’s lust or jealousy every time they saw you…”

“They’re some of the worst emotions to deal with.” He looked down at his hands. “I wasn’t trying to kill myself—just scar myself. But Minda cried so hard and her grief and fear was so hard to deal with…” He shook his head. “I promised her I’d never do it again. That was why I started wearing the hood instead, growing my hair, hiding my face.”