Shadowed(55)

Nina eyed him. “I was wondering that earlier. I’d say…at least six foot seven or eight, and your shoulders are really broad. It’s…a little scary.”

“Nina…” He ducked his head to look into her eyes. “I won’t hurt you—I swear it,” he rumbled softly. “Can you please just try to trust me? At least a little?”

“I’ll try.” She took a hesitant step toward him, looking up into his shadowed face. “It would be easier if you’d get a shave and a haircut. You’d look less wild…less scary.”

He sighed. “I know I need one. I just don’t enjoy wading through the inane feelings of whoever cuts my hair.”

Nina smiled eagerly. “I can cut hair. My mom was a stylist, and I practically grew up in her shop. One of the first things I learned to do was—” She stopped abruptly. “Unless…are you feeling me today?” she asked hesitantly. “My emotions, I mean?”

He shook his head, a look of relief passing over his face. “I’m still numb. Don’t know why, but it’s nice. More than nice. Fucking amazing. To be able to be near you…to talk to you.” He took another step toward her and reached out one large hand. For a moment, Nina was sure he was going to cup her cheek. She could actually feel the heat of his palm.

“Reddix?” she asked softly, looking up at those hooded silver eyes.

“To be able to touch you,” he whispered in that deep, gravelly voice. “Goddess, if only I could…”

The lights on the Hurkon collar were suddenly blinking faster—almost as fast as Nina’s heart was pounding in her chest. It was her dream all over again. The one she’d had where he was touching her, running his hands all over her body, kissing her, tasting her…

“You can,” she murmured. “If you want to. I…I won’t try to stop you.”

“No.” He dropped his hand abruptly and moved past her, being careful not to touch her skin.

“Reddix?” she asked uncertainly.

“I have to see to the ship,” he growled. “We’ve wasted enough time already.”

And with that, he was gone, disappearing into the back of the ship and leaving her there alone, aching for his touch even though she knew she shouldn’t be.

* * * * *

Reddix jerked open the engine compartment and held up the glow rod he’d grabbed from the emergency locker he’d found. Then he stood there surveying the guts of the ship. He was staring for almost a full minute before he realized he wasn’t seeing anything but Nina’s face.

Goddess damn it, what was wrong with him? Why was he letting her affect him this way? And why had he almost touched her? That would have broken the blessed numbness for sure—would have shattered his fragile peace like a heavy boulder heaved into still waters. And yet, the urge to take her in his arms, to kiss her, touch her, to make skin-to-skin contact which was something he hadn’t voluntarily done with any female in over ten years was so strong he had to physically restrain himself from turning and going back to the main part of the ship.

This is stupid, he lectured himself angrily. There’s nothing special about this Earth girl. It’s just been a long time since I was able to talk to anyone, to be around them without wanting to crawl out of my own fucking skin. I’m just…Pathetic, sad, disgusting, stupid…all the harsh words he could apply to himself, any of them fit. Yet the one that rose to the surface of his mind was Nina’s. Lonely, she’d said. It must be so lonely.

Yes, that was it. He was so fucking lonely. He felt like a man who’d spent the last ten years in solitary confinement. But now, suddenly, he was out in the open air, breathing free at last, soaking in the sunshine. And Nina was the sun.

Reddix choked off that particular image as quickly as he could. Nina was nothing special. And as soon as this last bout of numbness ended he would start hating her just like he hated all the other pretty girls who stared at him with lust, making his flesh crawl with the strength of their petty emotions.

Get to work, he lectured himself. You haven’t got all day—however long a day lasts here. It might be really short—so get going while you still have some light to work with if you need to make outside repairs.

Taking his own advice, he began digging into the engine. But no matter how he tried, he couldn’t get the picture of Nina standing there, waiting for his touch. Couldn’t stop hearing her soft words when he’d wanted to touch her. “You can,” she’d said, her gold flecked eyes drowning deep. “If you want to.”

Gods how he wanted to. But he knew he couldn’t.