Shadowed(3)

Saber did feel a stab of guilt at his old friend’s words, and Reddix nodded at him with bitter satisfaction.

“Now you understand,” he said, sinking down on the couch beside Saber again.

“Reddix, please—I never meant—”

His friend held up a palm to stop him.

“You don’t have to say it. I feel your remorse too—a stinging pain deep in my side like someone slipped a knife between my ribs, right here.” He pressed one large hand to his side.

“Goddess,” Saber murmured through numb lips. “You can feel it that distinctly?”

Reddix grunted moodily. “It’s not pleasant but it’s a hell of a lot better than what I’ll have to face if I become Clan Overlord. Greeting the people, going out to meet the crowds, feeling all of their emotions all over me…” He leaned forward, and Saber saw the glint of desperation in his pure silver eyes. “Saber, I can’t do this. You have to come back.”

“You know I can’t.” Saber started to put a hand on his friend’s knee and then stopped himself, remembering that touching made the RTS worse. He sighed. “I’m so sorry, Reddix, but you know how our people would feel about Lissa and I being together. The Clans would be horrified that I had taken a female of my own clan as a bride, and I can’t give her up. I wouldn’t even if I could.”

Reddix’s muscular body twitched nervously, and then the big male jumped to his feet and began pacing again.

“So that’s it then. I’m doomed to a life of pure hell, because you couldn’t keep your dick in your pants.”

“I’m sorry.” Some of Saber’s guilt turned to anger. “I didn’t plan this—any more than you planned on having RTS.”

Reddix barked a laugh. “So you’re saying love is like a disease? Like a fucking cancer eating into your heart that you can’t cut out?”

“It’s not like that,” Saber protested. “You’d understand if you could just—” He stopped abruptly, biting the inside of his cheek.

But it was clear Reddix knew what he’d almost said.

“If I could just what, Brother?” he demanded. “Just find a female to love? One who won’t pity or resent me for not being able to give her the Deep Touch? One whose emotions I won’t have to wear like an ill-fitting suit of clothes every Goddess damned day for the rest of my life? Well, guess what?” He laughed bitterly. “My parents and yours have already gotten together and found me one.”

“What?” Saber frowned. “But I thought…who? Who did they pick for you?”

“Tilla. You remember her?”

“Of course I do—she was just a few years behind us at school.” Tilla was a gossipy girl, well known for her love of pretty clothes and expensive jewelry. Her father, a prominent merchant on Tarsia, kept her well supplied with both, but she wouldn’t have struck Saber as Reddix’s type. Not that anyone really was, not with his RTS. Still, if he had to pick anyone for his friend, Tilla would have been the last on the list.

“Feeling her emotions is like swimming in slime.” Reddix’s harsh voice sounded weary and disgusted. “And she hates me too. Nevertheless, she’s got the right bloodlines for succession, and she’s agreed to be my bride.”

“But…but why?”

“You know how important social position and prestige is to her family—she wants to be the wife of the Overlord, even if the Overlord is a fucking cripple who can’t give her the Deep Touch. Who can’t even stand to touch her physically enough to have sex with her.”

“About that…” Saber cleared his throat. “If you can’t even stand to touch her, how will you—”

“I’ll have to manage, somehow. I have to give her an heir and soon—before my RTS….” Reddix shook his head. “The line of succession must be upheld.”

Saber sighed. “Look, Reddix, this doesn’t have to be your life if you don’t want it. Give it up, like I did.”

The silver eyes glinted. “You mean abandon my post and abdicate my responsibilities? You know who’s next in line for the succession of Clan Overlord if I pass on it, Saber?”

Saber shifted uncomfortably. “Um…isn’t it Fendrick? He should do well as the Clan Overlord.”

Reddix looked away. “He might have—if he hadn’t died in a duel a few days ago.”

“Fendrick’s dead?” Saber couldn’t keep the shock out of his voice.

Reddix nodded grimly. “The damn fool was always too quick to take offense—this time he happened to take it from someone who was better with a knife than he was. Now that he’s gone and you’re off playing house with your amalla, there’s no one else besides me. And you know how hot blooded most of our males are—do you remember what happened the last time there was no clear leader to succeed the old Overlord?”