Shadowed(133)

“Well…” Nina thought of all the times when Liv or Sophie or Kat or Lauren or Lissa had gotten a faraway look on their faces that meant they were talking mentally to their men. “I guess so,” she said at last.

“That wouldn’t be possible for the two of us,” Reddix explained patiently. “Without a working Touch Sense, I can’t give you the Deep Touch or bond you to me. And without a bond, our relationship would be doomed to failure.”

Nina put a hand on her hip and glared at him. “So it’s better just to not try at all? Is that it?” she demanded. “Better to break my heart and send me off thinking you’re a jerk who doesn’t give a damn about me because you’re afraid our relationship would crash and burn?”

“I know it would crash and burn,” he growled. “I’m just trying to save you the pain.”

“What if I don’t want to be saved?” Nina demanded. “What if I’d rather take my chances?”

He groaned with obvious frustration. “See? This is why I shouldn’t have come. I told Saber you’d react like this.”

“You’re damn right I am.” Nina was so angry she could hardly see straight. “You talk about saving me pain, but I think you’re trying to save yourself. You’re just every other guy—you’re afraid to commit.”

“That’s not true,” he growled. “You don’t know how much I want to commit to you—to share a life with you—to make you mine permanently. But I can’t Nina—I’ll only hurt you. It’s exactly like what the witch showed me—I’d just make you miserable.”

“The witch!” Nina shifted in his lap excitedly, making him groan. “I knew it had something to do with her. Was it that potion she gave you? What were the ‘side effects’ she talked about?”

Reddix squeezed his eyes shut briefly and pinched the bridge of his nose, as though trying to drive back a headache.

“She showed me what our life would be like without a bond. What would happen if I tried to make you mine and couldn’t. She…damn it, she showed you leaving me.”

“And you believed her?” Nina felt like crying. “You believed a witch over me? You didn’t even trust me enough to give me the benefit of the doubt?”

“It’s not like that,” he protested. “What she showed me—it had the ring of truth to it. She was right, we can’t make a life together if we can’t bond. If I can’t give you the Deep Touch, I’d be better off letting you go to find…” He gritted his teeth as though the words hurt to say. “To find somebody else.”

“And that’s how you really feel?” Nina pushed off his lap, and this time he let her go. “You’re ready to give up on us just because you can’t touch me with your mind?”

“I’m afraid so.” He looked miserable but determined. “I can’t ruin your life any more than I already have. I care about you too much, Nina—I have to let you go.”

“What if…what if I don’t want to be let go?” she whispered. She put her arms around herself, hugging herself protectively. It felt like if she didn’t hold on to something she would fall apart. Was he really sitting there telling her it was over—all over between them—before they had even started? Was he really going to just get up and leave her there and never come back?

Apparently so.

“Nina…” He got off the couch and put out a hand to her, but Nina ducked him and stepped away.

“No.” Her voice trembled, but her resolve was firm. “No, get away from me. If you’re too much of a coward to even try to make things work then just leave.” She nodded at the door. “Just…go.”

“I don’t want to,” he said roughly, his voice harsh with emotion. “Goddess, Nina, you don’t know—”

“I know enough,” she interrupted, squeezing herself even tighter. God, what was wrong with her? She felt so empty inside—like she was falling apart.

“But the bonding fruit—”

“I’m fine now. You helped me enough,” she lied. “I feel perfectly well—physically anyway. So just go.”

He looked at her for a long moment, then nodded slowly. “All right. If that’s the way you want it, I’ll leave.”

“It is,” Nina said tightly. She jerked her head at the door. “Get out. Now.”

“I’m going.” He walked to the door and turned to face her. “I’m sorry, Nina. For everything.”