“Reddix, did you bring the milk I asked you to get?” Nina stood just inside the door of their suite on the Mother Ship.
“Milk?” he asked coming in and giving her a peck on the cheek. “You mean the white liquid you squeeze from animals on your home planet?”
She sighed in exasperation. “Yes, pretty much. I’m all out of it, and I wanted some for my coffee. I asked Lissa to ask Saber through their link to tell you. Didn’t he?”
“He must have forgotten.” Reddix sighed and started to head for the door. “I’m sorry—I’ll go get some now.”
“No…forget it.” Nina put a hand on his arm. “Don’t worry about it. I’ll get some later.”
“I don’t mind,” Reddix protested. “I know you miss Earth. I want you to have things that remind you of home. Things that make you happy.”
“I am happy.” She gave him a small troubled smile. “It’s just that…”
“Just that what?” Reddix asked.
Nina shook her head and moved away from him. “Just…I wish we had a mental connection like Lissa and Saber and Kat and Lock and Deep…and pretty much all the other Kindred and their wives. It would make things so much more convenient. And…I’d feel so much closer to you.”
Pain stabbed through him and shame too—shame that he couldn’t give her what she wanted. What she needed. What any normal male would have been able to give.
“We’ve been over this,” he growled. “I told you before we got joined that I would never be able to really bond you to me. You said it didn’t matter.”
Nina frowned. “But it does matter, Reddix! I just want what every other woman on this ship has. I just want to feel close to you.”
“We can feel close,” he murmured, coming to take her in his arms. “Very, fucking close, sweetheart.”
Nina kissed him willingly, her soft, curvy body tight against his. Reddix enjoyed tasting her mouth as she moaned softly and pressed against him. When they finally came up for air, he tried to lead her to the bedroom.
“Wait…” She put a hand on his shoulder. “Reddix, I’ve been meaning to ask you, what exactly does the Deep Touch mean? And what does it feel like? You’ll never talk about it to me, but I’ve heard things…”
A second lance of pain and shame pierced his heart. “The Deep Touch?”
“Well…yes. Lissa was talking about it, and she said it’s amazing. I just wondered…”
“It has nothing to do with you. With either of us,” Reddix said shortly, pulling away. “Forget about it. I’ll never be able to give it to you.”
“But I thought…thought maybe just trying it might draw us together,” Nina protested.
“Don’t you understand?” he roared. “I have an inverted Touch Sense! I can’t give you that—I’ll never be able to give you that.”
Nina recoiled from him, her eyes bright with tears.
“I’m sorry. I never should have said…I just wanted…”
“Wanted what?” he growled impatiently.
“You’re so distant lately, Reddix. I just want to feel close to you…I never feel like I really know you. Like I can really talk to you…” She swiped the tears from her eyes. “I’m sorry…”
“She will never feel close to you—not as she should,” the witch’s voice whispered in his mind. “Without a working Touch Sense you’ll never really bond her to you, never give her the Deep Touch. Never make her yours completely. You’ll make her life miserable, Reddix. And eventually, she will leave you because of it.”
The scene changed, and this time he saw Nina carrying a heavy suitcase and crying.
“Goodbye,” she was saying, as she left the suite. Her grandmother—Mehoo-Jimmy—was waiting just outside for her.
“Come on, eecho,” she said soothingly. “Come away now. He’s no good for you.”
“Nina,” Reddix whispered, but her name stuck in his throat.
“Goodbye,” she said again, and tears were streaming from her eyes. “Oh, Reddix, it breaks my heart to go, but I can’t…can’t stay with you. Can’t live with a man I can’t understand. Who won’t communicate with me. I’m sorry—I need more than that.”
And then she turned her back on him. With no bond to hold her to him, it was just that easy. She could walk out of his life and leave him forever. Leave and never come back again…
“Wait!” Reddix wanted to shout. “Wait, I’ll do better, I’ll give more…” But it was too late, Nina had already turned, and she and her grandmother were gone as though they had never been there in the first place.