“Yes,” he said.
She took a breath. “That is why he got to me. I wasn’t expecting the attack.”
“I am so sorry, Mary.” His brow furrowed as he ran a tired hand along the back of his thick neck, and his shirt strained against his bicep. For the first time, Mary took in his odd attire, the too-tight shirt and too-short pants. Lucien’s clothes. Her lips twitched. Following her gaze, he swore under his breath. “I shifted to fight the bastard,” he said. “I’d have killed him if I could. For touching you.”
“You’ve no reason to be sorry, you know. It wasn’t you who attacked me.” She could acknowledge the truth now that her head had cleared. His eyes had been wrong, his voice missing the essential ingredient that made him Jack.
He shrugged absently, as if he disagreed but would let it go, then glanced at her, his gaze sharp. “Why were you there?”
Mary nibbled on her bottom lip, considering.
“Chase.” A warning.
“An agent from the Nex was in my house when I came home tonight.”
He swallowed several times before sighing. He did not appear to find the notion threatening. If anything, he appeared resigned.
“If the SOS were to find out that you were Nex, you’d be banished, Jack.” And his family would be devastated.
His fists curled and pressed into his narrow hips as he stared blindly at the corner of the room.
“Worse,” she said, “is that you’ve declared war on the Nex, and they have taken up the gauntlet.”
Jack’s expression grew fierce, lit from within by anger and frustration. “Good. There are more of them out there. The ones who… Hell.”
Any regrets she’d held about killing Moore fled. “You’re giving that man your blood. Why?”
Pale now, he stood before her, unable or unwilling to move, or answer.
“What goes on between you?”
Jack ran a hand over his face. “Will Thorne is an agent for the Nex. As a favor to me, he supplied me with the names. But he could only go so far. That night at the railroads, the man we chased offered me the rest of the names in exchange for blood.” Jack’s cheeks went dull red, and he wouldn’t meet her eyes. “I’m stuck in it now. I’ve been stuck since he gave me the name of another who’d…” His lips pressed together. “Mercer Dawn.”
“Mercer?” Mary straightened. “Jack, his body was in that restaurant.”
Jack grew still and watchful. “I didn’t place it there. Hell, I wanted to kill Mercer,” he said. “I almost did a few nights ago. Then I couldn’t.”
“Why not?” she asked quietly.
His dark eyes were haunted. “It was close, so bloody close,” he whispered. “Then I thought of Ian, of Daisy, of how they call me their family. And I thought of…” He turned away. “How could I keep facing… everybody, knowing what I’ve done?”
For the first time in her life, she felt impossibly old. “Are you going to use those ill-gotten names now?”
He scrubbed his face again, but did not answer her.
“Why do you continue to give that man your blood?”
His Adam’s apple bobbed on a swallow.
“Jack,” she insisted when he would not look at her. “What hold does he have over you?”
He glared at her then. “I cannot stop this, Mary, so do not ask me to.”
On a sigh, Mary pressed the tips of her fingers against her sore eyes. “The first thing I did after becoming a GIM was to hunt down each piece of filth who raped me.” At Jack’s harsh breath, she let her hand fall. “I gutted them. And each time, I returned home and threw up until there was nothing left inside of me. It was as if they raped me all over again.” A hard, choked laugh left her. “You’ve thought me a cold fish, a heartless creature.”
“No—”
“You were right. I am. I’ve spent a decade learning to feel nothing.”
Jack’s crestfallen face gave her pause, but she had to finish. “I looked the other way for you, and will keep on looking, because I know, Jack. I’ve been there too.” He made to speak, and she lifted a hand. “Just as I know that if you keep this course, there will be nothing left inside of you either.”
Haunted eyes of dark green searched her face, and when he spoke, it was in a clear, quiet voice. “It’s too late to stop that, angel.”
“Jack.” Her vision misted, and she blinked hard. “If you have any care for… well, for the people who love you, end your association with that man.”
His mouth tilted, but it was far from a smile. “And who might those people be?”