"No, she's not," Gus agreed. "But, if she can get him here, then we'd get our chance to get close to him."
I tried to keep my voice from trembling as I said, "I can tell him that I want to meet with him face to face to discuss my offer. If I can get him to agree, then you can take it from there."
I could see the tension in Shadow's shoulders begin to ease as he pondered the idea. After several moments, he finally said, "If we do this … if she goes to meet this asshole, I want every brother there to ensure her safety. There's no way in hell he's taking her anywhere, and if he lays a hand on her, he's dead."
"Agreed." Gus turned his attention to me as he said, "Make the call and keep it brief. You don't want to give him any reason to doubt your motives."
"Understood." As I pulled my phone out of my back pocket, I looked over at Shadow. I could see that he was apprehensive, so I placed my hand on his as I assured him, "He won't hurt me."
"I'm sure your mother thought the same thing."
His words stung with truth, making me even more nervous as I dialed my father's number. I hadn't called that number in over eight years, and as it began to ring, my chest started to tighten with fear. I knew I had to make Gus and Shadow believe that I was just using myself as bait, that I really wasn't planning to leave with my father, so I had to watch my words. Everything I cared about was counting on that one phone call, and if I didn't pull it off, I could lose it all. My heart skipped with horror when my father answered, "Yeah?"
"It's me. Alejandra."
There was a long pause before he replied, "Alejandra? Is that really you?"
"Yes, dad. It's me." I paused for a moment, then said, "I need to see you."
"Is that so?" he asked with suspicion. "Then, why haven't you come home? If you were here, you could see me any time you wanted."
"That's what I wanted to talk to you about."
"What's there to talk about?" he clipped. "Your place is here with me where I can take care of you and keep you safe."
"Safe? You mean, like you kept my mother safe?" I snapped. As soon as the words slipped from my mouth, I knew I'd screwed up, but I just couldn't help myself.
"What are you talking about?"
Trying my best to get the conversation back on track, I answered, "I have something I'd like to discuss with you. It's important. It's something I need to say in person. Will you come talk to me?"
"There's nothing to discuss, Alejandra."
"That's where you're wrong. We have a lot to discuss."
"Like what?"
"I know you want me to come home and you're willing to do whatever it takes to get me there, but have you thought about how things are going to be once you have me back."
"It will be like it used to be. We will be a family again."
"You know I don't want that, so how are you planning to keep me from leaving? Are you going to watch me every second? Lock me away … keep guards on me every minute of every day just so you can make sure I stay put? Is that the way you want things to be, or would you rather me come willingly and be the trophy daughter you've always wanted me to be?" I gave him a moment to consider the thought before I continued. "I'll be the daughter you want, but it will come at a cost."
"And what is that?"
"Meet me. Talk to me face and face, and I will explain everything."
There was a long, agonizing pause before he finally answered, "Fine. I'll be at your apartment tomorrow morning at nine."
Nine was just a few hours away. I was worried that Gus and the others wouldn't have time to prepare, but I felt I had no other choice but to agree. "Okay. I'll be there."
"Come alone, Alejandra. There's no reason for things to get messy."
"I will. You have my word," I lied.
"Good. I will see you soon."
As soon as he hung up, I turned to Gus and said, "He'll be at my apartment at nine."
Gus nodded. "We'll be ready."
I let out a deep breath as I looked over to Shadow and said, "I need some fresh air."
"I'll go with you."
"That's okay. I won't be long," I told him as I started out the door. I rushed down the hall and out the front door, and I was practically running as I headed towards the back of the lot. Once I'd stopped, I placed my hands on the fence, clinging to it as I thought back over my conversation with my father. Tears started to stream down my face as I remembered the sound of his voice, and the hatred it stirred inside of me as he spoke. I detested everything about him, and the mere thought of having to face him again made my stomach turn. Nausea crept over me, and before I realized what was happening, I felt the bile burning at the back of my throat as I hunched over. I tried to fight it, but I couldn't stop myself from getting sick. I was still bent over when I felt a hand run across my back.
As he reached for my hair, pulling it away from my face, Shadow asked, "You okay?"
I wiped my mouth, and after several deep breaths, I stood upright and nodded. "Yeah. I'm better now."
When I turned to face him, he said, "You don't have to do this."
"I know I don't, but I need to do this. Please don't try and stop me."
Without responding, he reached for my hand and led me back into the clubhouse. When we got back to his room, I went into the bathroom and brushed my teeth. Once I was done, I went back into his bedroom and found Shadow waiting for me on the edge of the bed. I sat down next to him, and neither us spoke for several minutes. Finally, he said, "You asked me about the nightmares."
Surprised that he'd brought them up voluntarily, I turned to him and said, "Yes … what about them?"
"I've had them since I was just a kid," he admitted.
"Do you know why you have them?"
He nodded. "They're my mind's way of making sure I don't forget."
"Forget what?" I pushed.
"Occasionally, I'll have a dream about my time in Afghanistan, but mostly, they're about the years I spent in foster care."
"Did something happen while you were there?"
"Yeah, you could say that." He paused for a moment, then ran his hand through his thick hair. "Janice and Cal weren't exactly the loving, doting type. They were both alcoholics who liked to use the kids as punching bags, especially me. Cal was also a fucking pervert who got off on raping the oldest girl in the house, Michele. She was only ten years old when it started."
"Oh, my God. That's awful." A part of me had always known that he had a tragic past, but I never dreamed it would be so terribly horrific. My heart ached for him as I told him, "I can't imagine going through that, especially after losing your parents the way you did. It must've been so hard for you."
"Yeah, but it was worse for her." I could hear the agony in his voice as he said, "I tried to make it stop, but everything I did just made it worse. No one believed me until the night he killed her."
"He killed her?" I gasped.
He lowered his head and sighed. "It was an accident. I'd gone in to her room to stop Cal from raping her for the hundredth time. I was fifteen at the time and thought I was strong enough to take him on. I was wrong. Michele tried to help, but when she did, he pushed her, causing her to fall backwards. She hit her head and never woke up."
"Oh, Shadow. That must've been terrible for you to witness as a child."
"It was the most difficult thing I've ever faced."
He'd finally let me in, and for the first time, I understood the darkness that dwelled deep inside him. I wished there was a way to erase his pain, but it had become a part of him, making him the man he was today. Hoping to learn more about his past, I asked, "What happened to your foster father?"
"One of the neighbors heard the argument, and for the first time in four years, they actually called the police. Both parents were arrested, and all the children were removed from the home. Cal was sent to prison and Janice was put on probation."
"They both deserved much worse than that."
"Cal got his in the end." He looked over to me as he said, "I looked him up a few months after I'd patched in the club and found out he'd been murdered by one of his fellow inmates. While I never asked, I'm pretty sure that Gus had something to do with that."
"Do you feel like you missed out on getting your revenge for what he'd done to you and Michele?"
"There are days when I think it's one of the reasons why I've had such a hard time letting it go, but in the end, it doesn't matter. He got what was coming to him."
"Then, why do you think you're still having these nightmares?"
"She died because of me."
"What?"
"If I hadn't gone in that room … if I'd just come up with another way, then she'd still be alive."
"You did everything you could, Shadow. You were just a kid. There was no way you could stop him."