His finger slid down the nape of her neck. His breath was warm, stirring the thick mane of hair falling around her shoulders. "Amore. Where are you going?"
"Back to my room." She said it to the door. That thick, heavy door with something stopping shadows from sliding underneath.
"Why?" His hand moved her hair so that he could trail kisses down the nape of her neck, following the path his finger had taken. His hands slid up and down her arms, warming her when she shivered.
She was shivering, not because she was cold, but because she couldn't resist his touch and she wanted – needed – to be strong.
"I know you don't like women in your bed, Ricco. I'm not going to make this difficult. You saved me from having to have an arranged marriage with Kichiro and I appreciate it. I really do." She stayed still, facing the door, feeling him breathe. Feeling as if they still wore the same skin. His hands never stopped moving, caressing her arms, up and down, his breath on the nape of her neck, lips so close she felt them pressed into her neck.
He remained silent, giving her time to pull her scattered thoughts around her like a cloak. "A good shadow rider never goes after someone until he or she is totally convinced beyond any doubt that the person deserves justice. I had to research you. Thoroughly. You aren't a man ever to be satisfied with one woman. That doesn't make you a bad person, but you're not husband material. I won't be that woman in your bed that you wake up resenting."
She was so proud of her voice. She kept it even. Low. Nonjudgmental. Most of all, the bone-deep sorrow she felt wasn't there. Not even a hint of it.
Ricco groaned and pressed his face between her shoulder blades, his arms circling her under her breasts, holding her tightly so she was more a prisoner than she had been in the ropes. There was a moment of sheer panic, and then she felt his distress. His breathing had changed subtly, but it had. His heartbeat had accelerated.
"I'm honestly not trying to hurt you. I want you to know you're off the hook. I'm not expecting marriage and fidelity just because we had sex. I knew what I was doing and made the decision myself. I wanted to be with you. I wanted you to be the one I chose, not the council. Not the riders. You were my choice, and I'm all grown up, Ricco. You have no responsibility toward me at all. As soon as we can, we'll announce that the engagement didn't work out."
There. She'd absolved him. Every man would like that, right? He had to let go of her before he noticed her trembling. Her reaction to him. The sorrow eating away at her at the loss of her silly dream. She knew better than to dream. Or to hope. Or to want or wish for something. Especially something as big and real as Ricco Ferraro. A good man. The man who had managed to penetrate her heart. He was there for good. But she wasn't a silly schoolgirl. She knew the difference between husband material and a man who would be miserable with one woman. His mother had it right.
"Are you finished?" he asked softly.
Fingers of desire danced down her spine. His lips were against her skin, speaking there so she felt every word formed. His hold on her hadn't loosened at all.
"Yes." She could barely get the word out.
"Then come back to bed."
She couldn't. If she went back there with him and he seduced her all over again, she'd be so lost she would agree to anything, and she knew she'd regret it. Self-respect was the only thing she had left to her. She shook her head because she couldn't speak. She couldn't actually tell him no. She wanted to go back to bed with him, but pride wouldn't allow it. Pride and self-preservation.
Ricco shocked her by letting her go, turning her around and catching her under her legs to lift her. She had no choice but to grab on to his neck to hold herself upright. He looked down at her upturned face.
"Do you know how amazing you are?"
She shook her head but stared at the door, afraid to move or breathe.
"I have family. I've always had them. No matter what happens in my life, they're here for me. You only have your brother, yet of the two of us, I'm the far more broken one. That alone speaks to your incredible strength, Mariko. Beautiful, strong and so ready to sacrifice for me. No, you're right, I wasn't the marrying kind. I never wanted to have a woman spend the night with me because I knew she wasn't the right woman. You are that woman. When a man looks his entire existence, waiting to find her, and she shows up, believe me, amore, he recognizes her."