Shadow (New Species #9)(53)

Shadow pushed the plate away, his appetite gone. “I need to do something.”
“Be with your female,” Justice gently urged. “Trust me on this. That’s the only cure for the rage you feel. Help her heal from the damage done by showing her all the things she missed while in captivity.”
Shadow considered it. He looked at Brass. “Tim wants me to return to the team. I’m needed there but Beauty couldn’t live at headquarters. I can’t go back to working with the task force.” 
Brass appeared shocked. “You are implying she’d want to live with you. Are you talking about mating with her? How does she feel about that?”
“We need to talk about it still.” His chest tightened at the prospect of her refusing to accept him on a permanent level. “She admitted I’m the only male she wants. We agreed on not sharing sex with others.”
“Ellie and I have discussed Gifts at length. They are different from our other females who tend to reject settling down with one male,” Fury stated quietly. “They learned to protect themselves against bonding with males to avoid being emotionally crippled when they were taken to different ones for the breeding experiments. But Gifts spent most of their time alone with no bonds at all. They didn’t have an opportunity to form any since only their abusers had access to them. It’s possible she might welcome being mated to a male.” He silently regarded Shadow. “You’re the first one a Gift has wanted to interact with. She must feel strongly for you.”
“Did you share sex with her?” Slade arched an eyebrow.
“I don’t feel comfortable discussing this.”
“It’s relevant and they did share sex,” Justice announced. “Breeze confirmed that privately before I brought everyone into the conference call with her. Breeze stated Beauty handled the experience in a positive light.”
Shadow hated the way everyone smiled at him. “Enough.” It embarrassed him slightly.
“I guess your fears were unwarranted,” Brass teased.
“I won’t discuss it.”
“Do you want to mate her?” Justice crossed his arms over his chest.
“I plan to discuss it with Beauty. I want to.” He took a deep breath. “We’d need housing away from the dorms. I’d want to live next to Wrath and Lauren.”
“Agreed.” Justice picked up his pen.
“I’d like papers drawn up.”
Justice looked up from his notes to stare at Shadow. “We only have them for humans. It’s a legal issue with their rights and to protect them by officially making them Species.”
“Mates have papers.” Shadow refused to back down. “I want it official if Beauty agrees. She deserves to know I’m serious.”
“We could come up with something,” Fury intervened. He smiled at Justice. “Couldn’t we? Ellie has our papers framed in our bedroom.”
Justice grinned back. “We could do that. Jessie hung ours in the office at home.”
“As soon as Beauty is out of danger, I plan to ask.” Shadow reached for the pizza. He should eat.
“Why wait?” Slade paused. “There’s nothing you can do right now. You aren’t returning to the task force since a Gift shouldn’t live at headquarters. There’re too many human males and you’d never want to leave her unprotected around them. It’s hard to work if you refuse to leave your quarters. Douglas Miller will be caught but you won’t be a part of it. Your priority is Beauty.”
“I know she is.” He still wanted to argue the future of Beauty’s abuser but it was clear the matter had already been settled. He wouldn’t be allowed to kill the bastard. It didn’t sit well with him but he’d learned to take orders. “There’s the matter of the team member who activated my emergency transponder and gave those coordinates to the mercenaries to track Beauty’s location. Tim promised to allow me access to him.”
The males glanced at each other. Justice spoke first. “Tim shouldn’t have done that but we know who did it. It was Chad, the one who runs communications for the team. He was having money problems after a divorce and that’s how they got to him. You aren’t allowed to kill him but let’s just say I wouldn’t punish you if your fists accidentally made some contact with his body a few times. I have a mate and I wouldn’t begrudge you a little payback. Just don’t cripple him for life. He’ll spend the rest of his as a guest at Fuller. We don’t kill our enemies when we don’t have to. We’re better than them.”Shadow considered those words. They might make sense but he’d still sleep better at night knowing Beauty’s abuser was dead. He’d also have to settle for Justice’s offer of only hurting the team member who’d risked Beauty’s life. It didn’t mean he had to like it though.
Chapter Twenty-One
Beauty had just stepped out of the shower when the doorbell rang. She frowned, wrapping a towel around her body, and entered the bedroom. It was just after eleven at night. Had Kit forgotten something? The woman had not only stuck around to share pizza but had been downright friendly. They’d talked for hours.
She hurried into the living room but paused by the door. “Who is it?”
“It’s me.”
Surprise and excitement struck at hearing that sexy, deep voice. She twisted the locks, opening the door to face Shadow. He had changed into his work uniform since she’d last seen him and he looked a little tired around the eyes as she stared into them.
“You’re back. How did you get inside the dorm?”
“A group of the females were downstairs watching a movie. They opened the door.” He cleared his throat. “It’s no secret that we are seeing each other.”
She backed up. “Come in.”
He hesitated. “I want to spend the night,” he clarified. “Is that okay?”
“Yes.” She was glad he hadn’t been gone for days and that she wouldn’t have to sleep without him. The experience of being in his arms was addictive and something she no longer wanted to do without. “Always.”
He moved to the side and lifted a bag and carried it in. It was big and looked heavy. She wondered what was inside it. He dropped the thing a few feet inside the room and closed the door behind him, twisting the locks. His gaze held hers.
“I wanted to be here sooner but I had arrangements to make.”
“What is in the bag?”
He shifted his stance, his expression unreadable. “My belongings.”
“That’s bigger than the bag you took to Homeland.”
“It contains everything I own. I packed up my quarters tonight.”
The stabbing sensation to her heart was pure agony. She spun away to hide the tears that refused to be denied. They burned behind her closed eyelids, a few of them escaping down her cheeks. Shadow would only do that if he’d decided to return to the task force. He’d leave Homeland in the morning and she wouldn’t be able to see him except when he visited.
Maybe he believed she could be happy with occasional nights or weekends spent together when he could return to Homeland for work breaks. She could even understand his logic. Species women wanted their space but she wanted to scream that she wasn’t like them. All the ways she’d been singled out as Gift suddenly mocked her. She’d resented the special concessions, had wanted the distinction removed, and Shadow had listened. He was willing to treat her as any other Species. 
Careful for what you wish for, an inner voice mocked.
“Beauty?” He stood directly behind her. “What is wrong? Look at me.”
She hesitated, trying to get her emotions under control.
“Beauty?”
She opened her eyes and rapidly blinked back tears, turning to face him. It was time to be totally honest. There was nothing to lose if he already planned to leave. She could just be blunt and hope he’d reconsider his current path.
“Why are you crying? Did something happen while I was gone? Did that female upset you? I saw her come inside as I left.”
“Kit was unusually nice today. She didn’t do anything wrong.”
“What is it?”
“I don’t want you to leave Homeland to return to the task force. I’ll hardly see you. I know I should be grateful for having you in my life at all after spending so much time alone but I want more than that. I appreciate you seeing me the same way you do the other women but I’m different.” Her shoulders straightened and she held his gaze. “I deserve more than a man who is barely around. I want it all, Shadow.”
He seemed stunned.
“You know, a real relationship. I want someone who comes home to me every day and spends their nights with me. I want to cook you dinner and snuggle on the couch while we watch shows. I’m not even sure if we’d enjoy the same ones but we’d be together. I want to get to know everything about you, even the bad stuff I might find annoying. It won’t matter because I’m willing to accept you for who you are, all of it, but I don’t want to be alone anymore.”
His lips parted but nothing came out.
She cleared her throat. “I want a true commitment.” It made her feel a little dizzy to admit that but it was just nerves. The worst he could do was walk out. “Not just someone in my life when they can fit me into their busy schedule. I realize it’s a lot to ask. You would have to remain here instead of enjoying the more exciting adventures you must have with the task force. It’s also more dangerous working for them. You deal with the kind of men who came after me. They are bad and dangerous. That can’t be good for you to see that every day. We’re free now and should embrace the good things life has to offer. Maybe you enjoy the work but you enjoy sex too. Your team can’t give you that but I can.” Her hands gripped her hips. “I can’t compare work stories with you since I’m not permitted to hold a job as a Gift because it would put me in contact with too many men but I could give you a good home you would enjoy living in. I will worry about you while you’re doing your job. It matters to me what happens to you and while they may be your friends on the task force, what I feel is stronger. I’m sure of that.”