“I took it.” At her look of horror, he spoke before she could. “I’ll give it back on two conditions.”
“What are they?” Did she know how desperate she sounded? Her red wrist showed how much she had come to depend on that band which could do nothing except inflict pain.#p#分页标题#e#
“You have to tell me about your clothes and secondly, every time you snap it, you have to tell me why if I’m there. If I’m not, then you have to write it down in a small book I’ll give you. Each and every time,” Shade stated his conditions firmly.
“All right.”
Shade dropped his hand to his side.
Taking a step back, he demanded, “Tell me about the clothes.”
Lily licked her lips. “I don’t know how to explain it. When I wore my dresses, the colors made me feel happy. I would choose the color some days because it matched the sky or the sun or was the color of a flower I saw.” She shrugged, seeming embarrassed by her confession.
Shade wasn’t surprised. He had noticed the color of her dresses often matched her mood. She would always wear yellow or blue on sunny days, red if she was grumpy, and purple if she was content.
“The new dresses?”
“I don’t know. I just guess … I don’t know. The color is … I—”
“Do you feel sad?” he probed.
“Yes, but not like depressed sad, like someone died.”
Shade nodded his head, catching her eyes with his. “Who do you feel like you lost, Lily?”
“Beth.” A lone tear slid down her cheek.
“Anyone else?”
“Razer.” Another tear joined the first.
“Who else, Lily?”
Lily remained quiet.
“Who else, Lily?” Shade’s voice became firmer. He needed to know if he mattered to her. It wouldn’t change what he was going to do, but he needed to know if he was making any headway with her at all.
“You,” she whispered.
“Why do you think you lost me?” His voice went taut.
“I don’t know. You were my friend. Then I saw you with Evie and Rider, and I knew that”—Lily took a shuddering breath—“I don’t know you.”
His thumb traced over her high cheekbone. “You know me, and you sure as fuck haven’t lost me, even though I know you want to.
“Go take a shower then change into your workout clothes. I’ll lay them out for you while you’re in the shower. I’ll meet you in the gym.”
“Okay.” Lily moved away. She seemed too relieved his questions were over, missing the brief expression that passed over his face.
He had gained a tiny portion of her trust, and Lily had taken it away much easier than he had earned it. Her trust in him was fragile and until it grew into something stronger, he would remain teetering on the cutting edge of a sword, precariously close to losing her permanently.
Chapter 49
“Today, I just want you to stretch then work on your weight training.”
“Okay.” Lily warmed up then moved over to where the weights sat.
Shade handed her some weights. “From now on, when you feel uncomfortable trying something or you get scared, I want you to say a word that lets me know you’re getting scared and want me to stop.”
“All right. What’s the word?”
“You make one up. That way, you’ll remember it better.”
“Blueberries.”
“Blueberries?”
“Yeah, I like blueberries. Even saying it makes me happy.” She smiled at him.
“Christ.” Shade returned to work on his own weights.
“What’s wrong with blueberries?” Lily asked curiously with innocence shining in her eyes. It made him feel guilty for wanting to fuck her.#p#分页标题#e#
“Nothing,” Shade stated, his jaw clenched. Other than it’s a word a kid would use.
Why couldn’t she have picked a word which reminded him she was a grown woman? Red would have been good. He would have even taken strawberry. He could have worked with strawberry; it was sexy. Blueberries reminded him of when his dad would take him to pick them in the summer, making him imagine Lily picking them. It was a boner-kill. The more he thought about it, blueberries was the perfect safe word for her.
“Then why are you frowning?”
“I don’t know. Most women would pick a color or an object, not a fruit.”
Lily continued lifting her weights. “I can pick a color. I like pink.”
“Lily, blueberries is fine,” he snapped. It went from bad to worse. He would have seriously doubted Lily’s maturity if he wasn’t staring at her breasts as she lifted the weights.