"I don't look anything like that slut."
Brittany pulls me out of my internal musings. "Nope." Arguing seems pointless. "Although I'm not sure I'd classify her as a slut."
"Do you know her? Have you gone out with her before? Did you know she was going to be at the party? I can't believe you'd do that to me in front of all those people!"
I slowly turn my head to look at her. This is an awful lot of drama for a first date. "No, I don't know her. No, I haven't gone out with her before. No, I didn't know she'd be at the party, and what do you mean all those people? We were the only ones in that hallway."
"She was kissing you back! I saw tongue! Hers! In your mouth." She points an accusing finger at me. "And yours was in hers."
This is true. Despite me being a complete stranger, my mystery girl did indeed kiss me back. That's something to ponder later. "Look Brittany, I already told you, it was a mistake. And I get that she doesn't look like you, but the hallway was poorly lit. I saw long hair and a dark dress and I reacted. I've been sick all week and on cold medication all day. I didn't want to cancel our date, so I took more than I should've tonight. I know it's not an excuse, but it's the truth." I avert my gaze and close my eyes trying not to picture the woman I ended up kissing tonight.
"You're right, it isn't an excuse at all. I thought we were having a nice time." She's pulling out the whiny voice now. "I hope kissing that skank was worth it."
It's a good thing my eyes are closed, otherwise she'd see me roll them.
The car comes to a stop and Ralph buzzes me through the intercom to let us know we've arrived. He won't lower the privacy window or open a door until I buzz him back.
"This is you," I say.
Brittany makes a pouty face. "Too bad we didn't have more fun."
I buzz Ralph to thank him. I may be annoyed by my date, but I still have manners. "I'll walk you to your door."
"You don't need to do that."
I open the door and step onto the sidewalk to wait for her. She rearranges her skirt and takes my offered hand. As she steps out, she flashes me. She's not wearing panties, so I get a glimpse of what I'll be missing out on tonight. I'm sure she's done this on purpose. I assume it's to taunt me. Considering my current state, I'm likely to pass out on her at any minute.
Over the years a lot of women have pulled this move on me. It worked the first few times, but it's a little boring when there's no chase. It's always better when I have to work for it.
I walk her to her door and apologize for what happened, again, even though I'm not sure how sorry I really am anymore. Her theatrics are a little much to handle.
Apparently my courteous actions seem to have flipped yet another one of her switches. After she unlocks the door she turns to me, looking me over as she licks her lips. "You know"-she adjusts my tie, which was perfectly straight before she touched it-"if you really wanted to, you could show me how sorry you are."
As drugged up as I am, I'm almost positive this is a proposition. "Oh? And how would I do that?"
"By coming up for a nightcap."
I turn my head and cough into the crook in my elbow. I can't believe she's still interested after the shitshow tonight has turned out to be.
"I should probably take a raincheck on that, considering I'm not feeling well. I wouldn't want to make you sick, too."
"There are other places you can kiss me besides my mouth."
I have to resist the urge to sit her down and lecture her on self-respect. I can't believe she's propositioning me after I kissed someone else, accidentally or not.
"That's usually where I start and it seems like a poor idea with how I'm feeling. Wouldn't you agree?"
She sighs and runs her hands over my chest. "I guess. Are you free next week? I'm sure you'll be feeling better by then."
"I'm leaving on a business trip later this week, but can I call you when I get back?" I cringe internally and hope the emotion doesn't make it to my face.
"Okay!" she says enthusiastically.
I let her hug me and give her my cheek when she goes in for a kiss.
I wait until she goes inside before I head back to the waiting car, mystified by her continued interest in me.
As I settle in for the ride home, I think about the woman I did kiss. I definitely need to find out who she is so I can send her flowers and maybe a bottle of vitamin C capsules for my accidental manhandling.
Chapter 3: Screw You, Awesome Kisser
RUBY
I eat an entire Listerine PocketPak on the subway ride home to kill any lingering germs in my mouth from Awesome Kisser. I'm annoyed by the whole thing, but at least he apologized and seemed sincere about the accidental tongue invasion. Too bad the hotness of the memory is marred by raging Brittany and the hack in the face.