Sexy Jerk(31)

The statement is a little harsh, but not far from the truth. 

To think back to the event that led to our discourse, I have a hard time believing that girl was me. What happened might not have been right, but I still believe my parents' reaction was extreme.

During the summer that I would turn seventeen, I secretly started dating a boy from church group. Fiona had gone to camp somewhere out west, so I had a lot of free time. Very quickly this boy became my boyfriend. He had a twin, and the three of us started hanging out whenever I could.

One summer night, Taylor and Tyler both came over to my house. My parents were out at a church meeting, and they'd never know I had two boys in the house. I wasn't allowed to date, so I knew I was breaking the rules.

That night it was really hot, and the three us went down in the basement to watch a movie. It was cooler down there, and without worry of my parents catching us, we could watch whatever we wanted. About an hour into the rated R movie, Tyler and I started making out. After a few minutes, he pulled back and asked me if I would let his brother kiss me too. The idea excited me, so I said yes.

That was how it started.

The next week, after my parents had gone to their weekly church meeting, the three of us went down in the basement again, turned on a rated R movie, and this time after Tyler and I started kissing, he asked me what I thought about letting Taylor feel me up while he fingered me.

Tyler and I had fooled around at that point, but we had never gone all the way. I was a virgin. He was not. I thought about what he was asking. I wasn't naïve. I knew where the situation was headed. What I wasn't sure about was if I wanted to give up my virginity to two boys.

It was different.

Then again, I had always felt different.

In the end, I agreed.

When the twins came over again, Tyler asked me what I thought about blowing them both, at the same time. I knew if I said yes, the next step was sex for the three of us. It would be two guys and me. And I didn't hate the idea, but I didn't love it either. Still, the idea of doing something my parents would never approve of thrilled me, so I told them I would, next time.

I had to ask Fiona what to do, and over the phone, that was going to take days.

When we saw each other again, I sat on the couch and the twins both stood in front of me. I took Tyler in my mouth first. Fiona had suggested I move back and forth, so I did. And I was glad I followed her advice. I liked the noises they made. The way I knew they each really wanted this. It made me feel like I had control, something I never had. And I wondered if this girl, the one with these two boys, was the real me.

The twins and I kept this up for the remainder of the summer. It was the last week before school started before Tyler had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to fuck them both. I still hadn't decided, so I told him I'd think about it. Fiona would be back the next day, and she'd be able to help me decide.

That night though, we did take all our clothes off. We'd been talking about different positions, and Taylor had come up with the idea of him going down on me while I gave Tyler a blowjob. Looking back, I never really came, and the boys came super fast. Still, at the time, I felt like someone wanted me, and that I had control. I kind of felt like me.

It was different.

And I liked that feeling.

But my euphoria wasn't to last.

My parents came home early that night, and when they saw a strange car in my driveway, they both came downstairs to see who I had allowed over without asking them first.

The humiliation still lives somewhere deep within me.

The names they called me, the looks I received, the shame I felt, it was unbearable. Any promiscuous thoughts I had been having were buried. That girl could never be the real me. She was too bad.

As a result of my actions, my parents decided to move me to an all girls' religious school two hours away. I would be attending on a work program to pay my tuition as my parents couldn't afford it, and I'd be completing my senior year there.



       
         
       
        

I didn't want to go.

I was going to miss Fiona.

They made me.

Like I said, I never had any control.

That wasn't the first time I told my parents I hated them, but it was the last.

As ironic as it is, it turns out that school might have saved me from going down the wrong path. In retrospect, I had been looking to rebel against my parents' values for a very long time, and the twins came along at the right time.

My parents never did understand me, but I know now that they did love me in the only way they new how, or they wouldn't have done what they had done.

Now, as I sit in my café and watch the color going on the walls and the floors turning from dull to shiny, I can't help but wish they were here to be part of this, just as I had wished they were at Gaspard when Ansel and I opened those doors.