“Do you love him?” She says, with eyes forward.
Sighing I answer, “What does that even really mean? I loved James. So what if I love Brisban? That’s not going to make him want this baby.”
“I didn’t say it would. I asked you if you love him. So, do you?”
“Yes.”
“Then don’t feel bad about the wedlock crap. I mean, what is it the eighteen hundreds or something? You love him. He loves you. The two human beings who created the life inside you love each other and, regardless of what you think, I have a feeling he’s going to love this baby as much as he loves you.”
I GOT IN THE SHOWER as soon as we got to the house and Janette waited until Brisban got here. I’m still in the bathroom even though I’m done. Truth be told, I’m stalling. I don’t want to face him. I turn toward the foggy mirror and reach out to wipe away the condensation so I can see my reflection more clearly. My hands drop to my stomach and I look into my own eyes. Taking a deep breath I silently give myself a pep talk. As I stand here, looking in this mirror, it’s hard to believe how much has transpired since I met Brisban. I’m pregnant. It’s truly a miracle and gift. Whether I think he’s going to be happy or not, I have to recognize how incredible this is and never take it for granted—no matter what happens after I tell him.
There’s a knock on the door. “Are you okay in there? No rush. Just want to make sure you’re okay.”
I can’t help but to grin at how reverent and compassionate he is. “I’m okay. I’ll be right out.”
My hair is still up in a towel and I’m in my robe. The dark circles under my eyes look terrible. I’m exhausted. I need to start resting more and taking better care of myself now that I know I’m carrying this little one. As soon as I open the bathroom door he’s the first thing I see. He has turned down the bed for me and I smell chamomile. My eyes shift to the bedside table and I see the cup of tea. Tiny transparent swirls of steam are coming off of it.
“I hope you don’t mind me rummaging around in your kitchen. I found some tea and brewed some for you. I thought it might help you unwind a little before you go to sleep.”
He’s unreal. How I ever got this lucky, I’ll never know. The circles under his eyes are much darker than mine, the corners of his mouth are turned up slightly, and his hair is perfectly imperfect and disheveled.
He looks like a beautiful mess.
My heart rate kicks up and, as I stand here looking at him, I know, without a doubt, I’m in love with this amazing and handsome man. Every feeling I have for him congregates around my heart and tears spill from my eyes.
“What? Don’t cry.” He rushes over, wrapping his arms around me. I bury my face in his chest and try to get the courage to just tell him and get it over with.
“What is it? Are you in pain?” His voice is steady but I can hear his worry.
“I have to talk to you.”
“Okay, you can tell me anything, Candace.” He pulls back from me but keeps his arms firmly around my lower back. His eyes search mine as I look up at him. We stare at each other for what feels like a lifetime. The anticipation and nervous anxiety is overwhelming.
“Can we sit?” I ask.
“Of course, do you want to just sit here or go into the living room?”
“Here is fine.”
He guides us to the bed and we sit together on the edge. “You’re worrying me. What’s the matter? You look terrified.”
I shake my head and try to hold the tears back. I’m chewing the inside of my cheek and my temples are pulsating due to my terrible headache.
My head drops down and I stare into my lap. “I don’t know how else to say this other than to just say it.” I look up at him and pray a small prayer this doesn’t go as badly as I’m expecting it to. “I’m pregnant, Brisban.”
Three words I never thought I’d ever speak in my life float through the air and surround us with a heavy amount of pressure. His eyes widen and he stills.
Silence.
It’s deafening.
“Please say something. Anything,” I plead.
The look of pure and utter shock on his face is indescribable. “How…I mean…you can’t…I thought you couldn’t conceive.” He shakes his head in confusion. “I don’t understand.” He stands up and runs his hands through his hair. “I’m sorry. I'm in disbelief and a little in shock right now.” He rubs the back of his neck as he begins to pace back and forth in front of my bed. “When did you find out?”
Tears stream down my face. “Tonight at the hospital.”