Dear Candace,
I’m emailing you because no matter how hard I try, I can’t stop thinking about all the things I want to say to you in light of everything that has happened. You already know my past with Brisban—you read him as Brian in my book. Many thoughts have rolled through my mind since finding out you’re involved with the only man I’ve ever loved. I’d be lying if I said I don’t still love him and miss him, because I do. Something tragic and out of my control happened that tore us apart, but my love for him has never gone away. I realize he has moved on. I’m going to try and do the same but I know it won’t be easy. We will finally be legally divorced soon and my last thread of connection to him will be severed. He tells me he loves you. I don’t know how you feel about him but I can’t help but worry about him falling for someone he hasn’t known for long at all. He seems to be one that falls fast and hard. We moved fast in the beginning as well. But, of course, you already know that from the story.
I guess what I’m trying to say is please be careful with his heart. He has been through such heartbreak and pain. And, although it has taken me a very long time to finally come to grips with our marriage being over, I never want anything for him other than happiness. Finally, I have to say that I don’t think I can work with you any longer. I’ll pay you for the time you’ve already put into this manuscript but I’ve decided to go with someone else to complete it.
I wish you all the best.
Dawn
I let out a sigh and lean back in my chair. Nothing about any of this is easy. I have always adored Dawn. Dropping my head back, I close my eyes and exhale. As soon as my eyes close I see him, images of him consume my thoughts. I can’t remember ever feeling so intensely about anyone, not even James. Thoughts of Brisban’s lips pressed against my neck, his hands on my body, and how he looks at me like I’m the only woman in his world are on repeat in my mind when we’re apart. When we kiss it feels like one thing and one thing only; falling in love. I laugh out loud. The laughter carries through the silence of my empty house and I shake my head at myself. I’m in love with him; so damn in love with him. I’ve gone and fallen for a man I only ever intended on having sex with. How does that even happen? I never bargained for something like this. I’m not ready for a serious relationship. I told myself I wouldn’t ever allow myself to be vulnerable to a man again, though here I am. I’m hopelessly in love with this man who has come into my life like a tornado and rearranged every carefully organized plan I had for myself.
I’ve spent the day doing laundry and cleaning house. Housework never ends, even when you’re single and live alone. I can’t imagine how women do it that have kids and husbands and work full-time. The moms who stay home and clean up after kids all day and do mountains of laundry daily get all of my praise because I can’t imagine it. I missed a few days of doing laundry and cleaning and feel overwhelmed just cleaning up after myself. As I fold the last load of laundry I smile, thinking how amazing it would be to fold his shirts and wash our sheets after being wrapped up in them together. I’ve definitely lost my mind. I’m sitting here fantasizing over his dirty clothes and sheets. I’m certifiably nuts. As I stand up and grab the laundry basket a bout of dizziness hits me and I drop back down onto the sofa. Whoa. Blinking my eyes a few times I try to compose myself. Little white dots dissipate from my vision and I take a deep breath. I know I haven’t been eating well lately and I’ve been under some stress with everything that’s going on, but I wouldn’t think it would make me so off kilter.
After centering myself, I attempt to get back up slowly. No dizziness this time. Maybe I just got up too fast. I pass the hallway clock on the wall and see it’s later in the evening than I thought. I figured he would’ve called me by now. I hate how I’m acting like the teenage girl waiting by the phone for her latest crush to call. Rolling my eyes at myself, I sit the laundry basket on my bed and start putting my clothes away. Placing the last shirt away I check my phone again. Still nothing from Brisban. I don’t know why I’m feeling so much anxiety over him calling or not calling yet.
I decide to go eat something. Maybe I should just get out of the house. My reflection in my bedroom mirror tells me to stay in because I look like crap, but I need to get out of for a little bit. I pull out a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt, brush my hair up into a messy bun, and put on a little lip gloss. I decide to go to my favorite local café and have something light to eat and unwind some. My purse is hanging on a chair at the kitchen table and I drop my phone inside it before slinging it over my shoulder. Once I lock up and start my car, I already feel better being out of the house. I have the urge to check my phone again but I don’t. I want to call him but I won’t. He said he’d call and he will. I’m not going to start being this needy girl. That’s not who I am.