“Well…he’s really handsome, sweetie. Maybe you should try to go out with him. Some of the best love stories start off with the two people not liking each other.”
I rolled my eyes. “Mom, You’ve Got Mail doesn’t count. It’s a movie. One that you’ve seen no less than one hundred times.”
It needs to be noted now that my mother, Deb Sexton, has a habit of acting like her favorite romantic comedies are real-life love stories.
If she ever tells you about a story that sounds a lot like The Notebook, it is actually just her telling you about The Notebook.
As much as she wishes she knew Noah and Allie, she doesn’t.
“I just love that Tom Hanks so much,” my mother announced on a dreamy sigh.
“He’s on your mom’s list,” my dad added, far too comfortable with the idea of my mom having a list.
Annie’s head tilted to the side in confusion. “Wait…What list?”
I couldn’t stop the huge smile that had taken up residence on my face if I tried. My sister had officially just redirected the conversation toward a topic she would soon regret.
“Her list of famous people she can have s-e-x with if she ever meets them,” my dad answered with ease.
“What?” Annie shrieked.
He nodded proudly. “I have a list, too.”
“Stop!” Annie shouted and covered both of her ears with her hands. “Please, stop before I vomit.”
“Who else is on your list, Mom?” I asked sweetly, and Annie discreetly flipped me the middle finger. This was like killing two birds with one stone. It was the perfect opportunity to keep the topic of conversation far away from Reed Luca while allowing me to torture Annie.
“Umm…Leonardo DeCapricorn and Benedict Cumbersome.”
I hoped to God my mom actually learned these guys’ names before she got to bone them.
“Don’t forget Hugh Bradford,” my dad chimed in.
“Oh, yeah!” Deb clapped her hands excitedly. “Hugh Bradford is on that list, too.”
Annie’s face scrunched up. It was equal parts confusion and disgust. “Hugh Bradford is the butcher on Market Street, Mom.”
“I know,” she said with a far too happy smile. “He’s a very famous butcher, Annie. Everyone in San Francisco loves him.”
“But you actually know him, Mom. Like, you know him. You buy meat from him. Weekly.” The vein in Annie’s forehead had made its first appearance of the night, which meant she was about two seconds away from spontaneous combustion or stroking out from mortification.
“I know.” My mother waggled her eyebrows, and my father just chuckled in amusement.
Holy hell, had my parents just insinuated they’re swingers?
“Oh. My. God,” Annie groaned. “Someone change the subject before I pass out from discomfort.”
“You’re thinking exactly what I’m thinking aren’t you, Annie Bananie?” I asked, my expression morphing into glee.
“Don’t say it,” she said through gritted teeth.
My grin grew wider. “Mom…Dad…do you guys like to swing?”
My mom just winked in response.
“I love to swing!” Emma exclaimed.
“Me too!” Lucy added. “Mommy, can we swing like Grandma and Grandpa?”
“Yeah…okay…” Annie got up from the table. “I’m finished.”
“Can I get up from the table, too, Daddy?” Henry asked.
“You have to get the president’s approval to leave the dinner table before everyone is finished eating, buddy.”
Henry’s face fell into disappointment. “But Mommy got up.”
“Annie, did you get the president—” Brian started to ask but was quickly cut off by my sister pointing a finger in his direction.
“Don’t even say it, or I will murder you in your sleep,” she whispered.
Brian just laughed it off.
“So, Lola,” my dad started, “was it just the video that ticked you off or something else?”
Ugh. And here I thought I had managed to avoid this topic entirely.
Of course, Annie’s ears perked up, and she found her way back to her seat. I swear, Nosy Nancy could hear better than most canines.
“Well…” I paused on a sigh. “Reed Luca has accepted a position with the San Francisco Journal. He’ll be writing an opposing column to mine.”
Annie’s jaw nearly hit the table. “What a di—not nice guy.”
“Oh, believe me, it gets worse,” I responded in annoyance. “He decided to hand-deliver this week’s opposing column to my doorstep today.”
Her mouth popped open in surprise. “He showed up at your apartment?”