Sex Says(30)
Fifty Fantastic Reasons to Just Do It
Can sex just be about sex sometimes?
Humans need sex. They want sex. They desire sex.
Humans also need orgasms. And those orgasms don’t always need to have the l-o-v-e word attached to them. Think masturbation and good old-fashioned…ahem…yeah, that.
Even when we’re in love with our significant other, sometimes, we don’t want to make love to them. Sometimes, we just want to have sex. We just want to get off. We want to experience that raw and greedy act on its own without sharing intimacy and eye contact and deep, sensual kisses and meaningful embraces.
So, in the spirit of just doing the damn thing, here, my beautiful and intelligent readers, are fifty reasons to just have sex:
1. Your Mr. Coffee maker is being a little slow, and your fresh pot of brew isn’t ready.
2. You just got off your period.
3. You’re hungry, but you’re on a diet, and you need something to replace your carb cravings.
4. The meat loaf in the Crock-Pot still has another hour to cook.
5. You just leveled up on Pokémon Go.
6. The power went out.
7. Morning wood.
8. Your condoms are about to expire.
9. You remembered to take your birth control pill.
10. Netflix isn’t working.
11. You just shaved your legs.
12. You haven’t shaved your legs in two weeks and could care less about shaving your legs.
13. A boner.
14. Clean sheets.
15. You need to wash the sheets.
16. You just drank a bottle of wine.
17. You ran out of wine.
18. You successfully saved money on your car insurance.
19. You can’t sleep.
20. You’re sleepy, but you need to wake up.
21. You’re stressed out about the house being a mess.
22. You just cleaned the house.
23. You had the best workout.
24. You didn’t work out.
25. You don’t feel like getting dressed and need a good reason to stay naked.
26. You’re horny.
27. You just read some political article and it pissed you off.
28. You got yo hair did, girl.
29. You haven’t brushed your hair in three days.
30. You just took a shower.
31. You haven’t showered in three days.
32. You’re on vacation.
33. You’re pissed off because everyone else but you is on vacation.
34. You just lost five pounds.
35. You just gained five pounds.
36. It’s too cold to go outside.
37. It’s too hot to go outside.
38. It’s raining outside.
39. Your weekly yoga class inspired a new position.
40. You just read this advice column that told you to have more sex, so you’re going to follow it and have more sex.
50. Okay, yeah, this list skips 41-49, but that’s because there is ALWAYS a good reason to just have sex with your significant other. Sex is healthy. Sex is normal. Sex is fun.
Sex Says: Never feel shame for wanting to have sex just for the act itself. Sex is natural. Sex is good. Sex is sex… And seriously, who doesn’t like sex?
I saved the Word doc to my computer and leaned back against the pillows of my sofa as I started to scan my words for grammatical errors or mistakes. By the time I reached the end, I realized it was missing something.
Something important.
Something that would add that special little spark.
Underneath my advice, I added one perfect tidbit of information.
Also, two possible (but probably really good) reasons not to just have sex:
1. The guy’s first name is Reed, and his last name is Luca.
2. The guy’s last name is Luca, and his first name is Reed.
How ’bout them apples, Reed? I smiled to myself.
Still want to be friends now?
I smacked the paper down on the desk in front of me and pulled a cigarette from my new pack without even sitting down. It was becoming a habit these days, buying a fresh pack every time I bought a paper. Sex Says was out, and as I’d been doing since the very first time I’d read it, I made picking up a paper the first priority of my day.
Of course, now, I could deduct it as a business expense.
I smiled to myself.
Maybe I can blame Lola for decreasing my life expectancy too. That’d really fire her up.
I’d spent the entire morning in Dolores Park people watching and reading her words with every perspective I could dredge up. What would a shy woman trying to find her footing think? What about a man who had no interest in relationships? What about the man who did? What did it convince those people they needed to do?
That was the part I truly didn’t think Lola understood, the actual influence of the power of her suggestion—the people it reached who were desperately seeking another answer.
Still, now that I knew her, it was hard not to find personal notes in every word she wrote—and become intrigued by them.
After a quick scan of the article, my forefinger following along each word as if skating across her body, I read and reread one of my favorite lines from her several-hundred-word rant about human sexuality. Humans need sex. They want sex. They desire sex. Humans need orgasms.