Sex, Not Love(85)

Derek shook his head. He stayed quiet for a moment as we looked over at his wife and her best friend. His voice turned serious when he spoke again. “Nat deserves to know.”

“No, what she deserves is a whole lot more than I can give her.”

“What about you? Don’t you deserve some happiness?”

I sipped my seltzer, wanting a drink to take the edge off in the worst way. “Leave the healing projects to your wife.”



***



We couldn’t avoid each other at the church. The godparents sat on the end of the pew next to each other. Natalia had Caroline in her arms. She looked beautiful cradling a baby—a real natural. And it had nothing to do with how gorgeous she was. I tried not to look over at her, fighting the urge to stare, because for a brief second, I’d forget she wasn’t mine anymore. Then when I remembered, it hurt to breathe.

One of the blankets on top of Caroline dropped to the floor, so I leaned forward to pick it up, dusting it off even though the marble floor was sparkling clean. The church was warm enough, so I laid it on the pew between us rather than covering the baby again.

I finally found the courage to look up at Natalia, and when our eyes met, she waited for me to say something, do something. When I didn’t, she broke the ice.

“The dress is beautiful, isn’t it?”

My eyes washed over her. “Yeah. Red’s your color. You look gorgeous.”

Natalia cracked a small smile. “I meant Caroline’s dress.”

“Oh. Yeah. Her dress is beautiful, too.” I’m such a jackass.

It was awkward, which felt like crap since our conversation had always flowed easily, since the first time we met.

So, I attempted to make it better. “How’ve you been?”

The look on her face told me I’d done the opposite. “Lonely. You?”

I couldn’t bullshit her and leave her hanging when she’d been so honest. Forcing a pathetic excuse for a smile, I said, “About the same.”

Then, like the asshole I am, my eyes dropped to her full lips. Sitting in a house of worship didn’t stop me from thinking about how much I’d love to see them swollen from my teeth. When I looked back up at her eyes, they told me she knew exactly the thought in my mind. Lucky for me, the organ music started, beginning the ceremony, or I might’ve done something stupid and leaned in the little bit separating us…in a church of all places.



***



My buddy had won the party planning battle with his wife, so it was a low-key celebration after the christening. Just family and a few friends with some food catered back at Anna and Derek’s house—and Adam. I suppose Adam would fall into the friend category, since he and Derek worked together and are close enough that he was a groomsman in their wedding. But to me, tonight, Adam was enemy number one. I wondered if the asshole knew how close he’d come to getting to sleep with the beautiful woman he was currently talking to. Worse, I couldn’t stop thinking about whether Natalia might be in the same frame of mind tonight. She threw her head back and laughed at something the pencil neck said, and I nearly lost my shit. Since drinking wasn’t an option, I decided a time out was in order and took a walk.

I found Izzy out front, bouncing a ball near the neighbor’s basketball hoop at the curb. I walked over. “How’s your free-throw ratio?”

She bounced twice, then swished one into the net. “Never better.”

I took off my jacket and laid it on the grass. “Up for a little one-on-one?”

The wiseass looked from side to side. “Sure. Is there any real competition around to play?”

I reached in and stole the ball mid-bounce, showing her where her competition was. “How you been?”

“Good. I got game MVP a few weeks ago.”

“Congratulations. That’s great.”

She shrugged like it wasn’t a big deal and tried to swallow her proud smile. I bounced the ball, faking left, then right, took a few steps and shot from three-point distance.

Swoosh.

“Lucky shot,” she said.

“Yeah. Okay. Your turn.” She grabbed the ball, and I stood in the way of the net with my hands up. “Get past me, MVP.”

I’d like to say I let her blow by me to help her confidence. But I didn’t have to let her do anything. She didn’t break a sweat to pass me. And I found out all too quickly that my three-point shot was beginner’s luck. We played for a while, the game growing more intense with each basket we made. By the time we were done, my shirt was untucked, sleeves rolled up, and I was sweating like an out-of-shape old man. Izzy was barely winded.

“Need a break?” she asked.

I was bent over with my hands on my knees, trying to catch my breath. “What gave you that idea?”