“Ah hell, Josie, you don’t have to,” he said quickly. “I’ll be there for every appointment. I’ll make sure you have everything you need. I’m not walking away, Josie. I’m not like your ex. We’re in this together.”
“Everything I need,” she repeated.
Everything but love.
And that was the piece she craved. She wasn’t strong enough to get through this—the fear, the waiting, and the worrying—without someone’s arms around her, holding her together. That’s what she’d hoped for when she’d sat beside Dominic’s hospital bed and decided to take a chance on Noah. She’d hoped for love. After everything that had happened, the guys she’d dated, the child she’d buried, she wanted to believe in love again.
“Everything,” he repeated. “I just need to keep some distance until I know Dustin’s been caught. After that, I’ll take care of you. I promise—”
“If something goes wrong, if my water breaks again, there’s nothing you can do,” she said. “You know that, right? You can’t stop it from happening. I’ve talked to half a dozen doctors and specialists. There’s nothing they can do. Nothing anyone can do, but hope—”
“I know,” he ground out. “Jesus, I know my hands are tied. I get that. So let me do what I can to keep you safe, all right?”
She saw the fear in his blue eyes. It mirrored hers. They might lose the baby. And it would destroy them both. She couldn’t take on the grief and heartbreak. This wasn’t the same as losing a boyfriend or watching the man you love leave to fight someplace so far away, where you can’t quite picture the setting, never mind the day-to-day threats.
Losing Morgan had been one hundred times worse. She’d learned the ins and outs of helplessness, sinking deeper and deeper into the meaning of that word while she’d watched her baby struggle. And that feeling? True helplessness when faced with a loss that would crush your heart and soul? She knew it would just about kill Noah too.
But that didn’t mean he had to shut his heart to the possibility of loving her. The only thing they could count on in this mess was love.
Except he didn’t love her. Or if he did, he refused to say the words.
“You really are a jerk,” she said, her voice trembling as if she might break into tears. But anger held them back. “It wasn’t just a show to keep everyone around here from patting you on the back, was it?”
His mouth formed a thin line and he nodded. “Yeah, I am, Josie. But I’m the jerk who is going to keep you safe.”
“It’s not enough,” she said softly, the pain in her chest slowly filling out and taking shape.
“It’s all I’ve got.”
Chapter Twenty-Two
“HE’S OUT THERE, Noah. I know he is.”
Noah leaned back against the bar and looked over at Caroline. His conversation with Josie had left him with a hollow, panicked sensation circling his chest. But he’d barely had time to think about whether pushing Josie away was the right thing to do before Caroline showed up at the bar with news that left him questioning damn near everything.
“If Dustin’s here,” he said slowly, “why did the private investigator send proof that he was in California?”
Caroline had used his dad’s computer to check her email and learned the guy Noah’d hired in California had found Dustin alive and well. Yeah, the scumbag was stalking his ex-wife, which violated the restraining order Dustin’s ex had filed. But there was no sign their former CO had followed Caroline to Oregon.
Caroline threw her hands up in the air and began pacing the empty bar. As soon as she’d arrived, Noah had locked up even though he’d only opened for business five minutes earlier.
“Maybe he drove back,” she said. “It’s been weeks since he shot at us.”
“In his email, the investigator said he spoke with Dustin’s ex-wife. Dustin’s been bothering her ever since she got the order. She’s placed a handful of calls to the police.”
Caroline stopped in the middle of the room. With her hands on her hips, her long hair flowing over her shoulders and her expression turned to pissed-as-hell, Caroline looked a helluva lot like the last woman who’d left this bar. Except the angry marine wasn’t about to declare her love.
And Noah didn’t feel the same all-consuming need to keep Caroline safe. He wasn’t about to let her get shot or locked up again. But with Josie . . . the thought of anything happening to her . . .
Crazy, wild panic. He felt it pulsing through him.