Yes, you do. I groan from the sensations of his mouth on my neck, but I have to be strong and force the desire down. “I wanna tell you something.”
“Anything,” he whispers against my neck.
I roll over in his arms, sliding mine around his neck. For a minute, I just stare at this sexy ass man that I can call mine. I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the emotions that I know are about to come. “For a long time, I was lost. I stayed in bed as much as possible, wallowed in a grief that was so thick that it was suffocating at times. I lost weight and my skin became pale. I checked out.”
“When your parents died?”
I nod. “When I had to go to school, I was withdrawn from everyone and everything, which was a big deal for me. Before their deaths, I was a part of the volleyball team, the cheerleading team. I played the clarinet in the band, and I participated in some of the clubs. When they died, I quit it all. All my interests seemed to evaporate into thin air.” I duck my head to avert his gaze.
Thoughtlessly, I begin to trace patterns on his shirt with the tips of my fingers. “At first, my friends and teachers were understanding and supportive of what I was going through. But the more withdrawn I became, the further I slipped out of their reach. They eventually realized there just wasn’t much they could do for me. And believe me they tried. My teachers attempted to get me to open up to them. They called my aunt and suggested I go into counseling. My coaches talked the principal into making me attend mandatory therapy sessions with the school counselor. Nothing worked.”
Replacing my hand with my head, I lay there listening to his heart, letting the beat soothe me. “My friends pleaded with me to let them take me out. They would all show up at my house with stuff for sleepovers. Aunt Brenda would answer the door, but I never came out of my room. They just wanted to take my mind off what had happened. Once everyone realized it was no use, they just kind of gave up.”
“Everyone abandoned you,” he states.
My shoulders lift in a slight shrug. “I don’t blame them. I abandoned myself way before they left me.”
“I’m so sorry,” he whispers as he kisses my hair and hugs me to him.
“My poor Aunt Brenda was so worried about me. She was suffering, too. My mom was her only sister, and they were as thick as thieves. She left her life behind to take care of this twelve year old, me. I don’t even want to think about how I would have reacted had I been in her situation,” I scoff. “But I think, watching me in so much pain hurt her even more. One day, I came home from school, and before I could set my things down, she was dragging me out of the house and shoving me in the car. She drove me out to this horse ranch on the outskirts of Conroe. When we pulled up, I asked her what we were doing, and she said that I needed to find myself again.”
“Is that why you have the connection with horses that you do?”
“Yeah. At the time, I hated her. I would throw things, break stuff, scream at the top of my lungs, but she didn’t care. Aunt Brenda would wait until I finished my temper tantrum, and then she’d drag my stubborn ass there anyway. I didn’t want to go to some ranch, but it turns out, it was the best thing that ever happened to me. It took a long time, but I eventually found myself again. Every day I was at that ranch, I could feel myself getting better—stronger.” A shuddering breath escapes me as I whisper, “I’ll never be able to thank her enough.”
“Can I tell you something?”
“Yeah.”
“You should know I think you are a very brave, courageous, determined woman, Kenleigh. I loved my cousin, but I couldn’t imagine losing my parents. I don’t know if that’s something that I could survive, especially at such a young age. And to know that you came back from something like that?” He shakes his head before adding, “There are no words for how proud of you I am.” Leaning toward me, he whispers against my lips, “Thank you for trusting me with that.”
I pull him to me, kissing him with everything I have in me. I let every emotion inside myself bleed into this one kiss.
Sunday passed with a blur. Mrs. Sandy kept me busy. Between cleaning the house, shopping for the next few days of camp, cooking for all the volunteers, and all my own mundane things I needed to get done, I was worn out by the end of the day. Needless to say, I didn’t really get to see Wes yesterday, and I couldn’t stop feeling the disappointment in that. I missed him.
I step out onto the walkway that leads off from the porch. I spot Bailey as she walks toward me with a smile on her face. Her mom had called Mrs. Sandy this morning to let her know that Bailey had a dentist appointment and wouldn’t be here until early this afternoon. “Did you have a good weekend?” I ask, meeting her halfway.