“Oh, Honey, we all know that. And he loves you, too. But sometimes… Sometimes, we have to learn what the best parts in life that we’ve been missing are. It could be a love like you’ve never known. It may be the biggest regret you’ve ever made. Hell, it might even be your time here on this ranch. What I’m trying to say is… You never know what’s missing in your life until it’s gone.” My head lifts from her chest as she cups my tear stained cheeks in her hands. Her sapphire irises search mine. “And sometimes, we have to lose the most important, most valuable things so we can fully appreciate what we once had.”
“I don’t know what to do. He didn’t let me explain. He wouldn’t let me explain.”
“Listen to me. Nobody ever said love is easy. It’s hard work. Really hard work. But if you put in the time and the effort, love can also be the easiest thing you’ll ever experience. I know you two love each other; even a blind fool can see that. Have faith, Dear. Everything will work out like it’s supposed to.”
A huge part of me knows she’s right, but there is a small part of me doubts her words. “But what if it doesn’t?”
“Then it was never meant to be. Only you can decide your destiny. Only you can decide where your happiness lies. And if it’s not with my boy, then you can look back and say you once had a summer love that most people never find, that most people wish on shooting stars to have,” Mrs. Sandy whispers, her eyes glossy from unshed tears. She removes her hands from my face, lifts my hands, and while helping me stand, says, “Now come on. Let’s get you inside.”
I let her lead me out of the barn, away from the best, worst, and last memory of Wes.
Boxes are scattered all over the place. Some lie sideways where I’ve tossed them on the floor, others lay strewn about haphazardly on my desk, and a couple sit on my bed. I can’t be here one more second. Carelessly, I throw my books, laptop, sheets, clothes, and whatever else I have in the boxes that lay all around me. Yesterday, I went to the admissions office and decided to take a leave of absence. As soon as I withdrew from my courses, I started to pack. After I spoke with Brantley yesterday morning, I knew what I had to do. I needed to breathe again.
The past two weeks have been hell. I thought rejecting Wes’ proposal was the right decision. I’ve tried to call him so many times. The first time, he picked up, and I tried to explain why I did what I did, but he wouldn’t listen to me. Now when I call, I’m sent straight to voicemail. And now more than ever, I know I made the biggest mistake of my life. I remember his baby blue eyes so full of love and compassion, and the easy smile he wore. All of that was for me. When I told him no, his beautiful, light blue eyes became empty and dark. A smile no longer graced his handsome face. Instead, a sneer full of loathing replaced it. I did that to him, and it haunts me every, damn night. Sometimes I wake up sobbing and breathless with an unbearable ache stabbing me in the heart.
I walk around like a zombie, going through the motions of day-to-day life. I hardly eat. I barely sleep. I refuse to speak to anyone with the exception of Brantley. I’ve talked to him a couple of times since I left Serenity Falls. He asked how I was holding up, and I broke down completely. I told him how bad it hurt just to breathe. That every time I thought of Wes, what I did to him, how much I hurt him, it broke me more and more. He did his best to calm me down and told me to take it day by day, that eventually the hurt would go away, but I can’t help but think that maybe he’s wrong. Mrs. Sandy has called a few times, but even those calls I’ve refused to answer. I have listened to her voicemails, but haven’t called her back. I know it’s wrong to ignore her. She knew how upset I was when I left, but I realize that she’s still Wes’ mom, and she’s hurting for him, too. Who would not hurt for their child?
With only one thing left to put in the last box, I pick it up and drop down to sit on the edge of my bed. It’s a picture of my parents and me. The last picture we ever took together. We sat on the couch, watching The Goonies, eating popcorn, and drinking root beer floats. With my mom on my left and my dad on my right, we all squeezed in to get a picture. As soon as I clicked the on button the camera, I felt both sets of lips on my cheeks. My mom had the most amazing set of green eyes. They were as dark as just found emeralds. Her short hair was as dark as mahogany, and her skin was this flawless, alabaster color. My dad had a rich, deep tan from working outside, a tan that I was lucky to inherit, dark brown hair the color of melted chocolate, always cut short, and the most amazing, piercing, blue eyes, eyes that I swear could see through anyone’s bullshit. My eyes close, and for just a moment, I let myself remember the day before they died. The day we took this picture.