Serenity (Inevitable #5)(141)

"Well, I sure as hell do!" declared Matthew fiercely, yanking her back into his embrace. "I think I knew when we spoke for the first time at Ian and Tessa's wedding that you were this incredibly unique and special person. And I wished then that I had someone like you in my life. Someone who'd show me kindness and compassion and just love me for who I am, and not for the material things I could give them. And you don't have to make a commitment to me, Sasha. I won't ask you for that, won't pressure you into any sort of permanent relationship. Even though you were on the brink of moving in with me before I screwed everything up. That offer still stands, by the way. Except that we'd have an additional roommate."

At her inquiring look, he explained that he'd insisted on getting custody of Casey, and that his son would be living and going to school in San Francisco now.



       
         
       
        

Sasha smiled fondly. "I'm so pleased for both of you," she told him earnestly. "He's a wonderful young man, so kind and genuine. Just like his father. He, um, has kept in touch with me over these past few months. I hope that's all right with you."

"Of course it is. And I already knew that the two of you were in contact with each other. Though I asked him not to say anything about these new developments to you, since I wanted to be the one to tell you."

She nodded. "I was sort of wondering why I hadn't heard from him, but figured he was just busy. And, well, if I ever decide to revisit the idea of moving in with you, having Casey there would just be a bonus."

Matthew looked relieved. "I figured that you'd feel that way. And Casey is probably the most self-sufficient kid you could ever want. He's actually cooked dinner for me these last few nights, gone to the grocery store by himself, did the laundry. Having him with me has been a joy. And having you move in would make both of us very, very happy. Casey said to tell you that, by the way."

"Tell him thank you. And I'll think it over, I promise. But I honestly don't know if I'm capable of making that sort of commitment now, Matthew. I realize that I was ready before all of this drama happened with Hayley. But now - well, as you may have surmised, it's difficult for me to trust people. And - "

"And I broke that trust," he finished sadly. "I broke your heart. But I'll do whatever I have to do in order to convince you that will never happen again, Sasha. It's why I just showed you those divorce papers. Lindsey is out of my life for good. And my relationship with Hayley is going to need some serious repair work. She needs to regain my trust, needs to prove to me that she can be responsible and honest. Most importantly, she needs to accept that you're a part of my life and that I will never, ever allow her to treat you rudely again."

Sasha hesitated for long seconds before replying. Matthew was swiftly starting to break down all of the defenses she'd erected around herself these past few months, telling her all of the things she'd longed for him to say, and tempting her to simply say yes. But old habits tended to die hard, and she needed time - and space - to ponder everything she'd just learned.

"I can't give you an answer right now," she stated with determination. "I need to think about all of this, meditate on it, work through it in my own way. So, please. Give me the room I need, all right?"

Matthew looked as though he was about to argue the matter further, but then gave a weary sigh and raked a hand through his hair instead. "All right," he consented reluctantly. "I know I screwed up big time, and that I'll have to win your trust back. If it makes any difference to your decision, I'm planning to look for a new home here in the city. Someplace in a residential neighborhood, maybe closer to Casey's school. I realize the condo doesn't have much personality, and that you've never really liked the place. I feel the same, by the way." 

"I'm glad to hear that. And whether or not it sways my decision, I think it's the best thing for you and Casey. A chance to make a fresh start."

He gripped her almost desperately by the biceps. "A chance for all of us to make a fresh start," he reminded her. "Please give me that chance, Sasha. Please. I've been so lost without you, so unhappy. These past few months have been the worst of my life, and I know it's all my fault. Let me make it up to you, sweetheart. I'll get on my knees and beg if I have to."

Sasha shook her head, clasping his face between her palms. "No, Matthew. Don't ever do something like that. I have no desire to punish you, and there's nothing to make up. You had what you believed was an impossible choice to make, and I don't blame you for wanting to take care of your daughter. If there's anyone to blame, it's your ex. And it sounds like you've already made her pay the price, in more ways than one."