Sasha closed her eyes, willing back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. "You know, I should have expected something like this. Those first few times you came in for a massage, I already knew how attracted I was to you. And I was also very aware of the fact that you were still legally married, and that your kids meant the world to you. I mentioned you to Linda once, admitted to her that I liked you a lot. And she warned me then that I was setting myself up for heartbreak, that a man would nearly always choose his children over another woman. I forgot along the way how wise a woman my aunt is, and how I've never known her to be wrong about anything. I should have heeded her warning back then, should have never become involved with you. Maybe if I had listened my heart wouldn't be breaking into a million little pieces right now."
She could no longer hold back the tears, and couldn't summon up the will to resist when Matthew pulled her into his arms. She sobbed quietly against his warm, comforting chest, and didn't pull away when he continued to press soothing kisses along her temple and cheek, or when his hand rubbed her back. She wanted nothing more than to fall asleep in the shelter of his embrace, then wake in a few hours to find this had all been a horrible nightmare.
"This doesn't have to be over, Sasha," he pleaded, the desperation in his voice mounting. "Look, I don't expect sex, I understand the moral dilemma you're experiencing about that. But can't we at least be friends? It would mean the world to me to at least be able to call you on the phone, or see you for lunch occasionally. You've made me so happy, sweetheart, the happiest I've ever been. And while I'm well aware that I've never deserved you, I'm still selfish enough to want to keep you in my life in one way or the other."
"I can't," she whispered brokenly. "Please try and understand. I can't keep waiting for this to be over, and for you to come back to me, Matthew. I'd die a little inside each time you called or that we saw each other, and then not know when we could be together again. So, please. Just let me go, okay? I know it's going to be hard for both of us, but it will be so much harder for me to keep in touch with you, only to have my hopes smashed each time we talk."
Matthew had a look of such despair and sadness on his face that she very nearly caved in to what he was asking. But while it broke her heart to do so, Sasha remained firm in her resolve.
"I need to go," she murmured absently, looking around for her bag.
But he was still holding onto her fiercely, every bit as reluctant as she was to say good-bye. "I wish you'd let me do something for you," he pleaded. "Not just as a way to say thank you for everything you've done for me, but so that I wouldn't feel like such a heel right now. I could set you up in a yoga studio of your own, no expense spared. Or arrange for you to go back to school and finish your courses to be a certified herbalist."
Sasha shook her head firmly. "Thank you for your offer, but I'll have to turn it down. I've never had any desire to run my own studio, especially not after seeing how much work Serge and Morgana put in behind the scenes, what with paying bills and ordering supplies and dealing with leases. As for the other, I'll take a pass on that, too. It's just not something I feel an overwhelming need to do at this point in my life." She cupped his cheek tenderly. "And you don't need to make anything up to me, Matthew, or give me things."
Matthew grasped her hand. "I can't help feeling like I'm abandoning you, Sasha. That I am in fact choosing my children - my daughter - over you, just like Linda warned you. But you've got to believe me when I say that's not what's happening here. Not exactly, anyway."
"I know," she assured him softly. "You're just being a concerned parent, trying to be there for his daughter when she needs him the most. You've always been a wonderful father, Matthew, and Hayley is a very lucky girl to have you. I just wish my own father had been there for me under similar circumstances. Instead, he was half a world away in Australia performing at a Latin music festival."
He stared at her in bewilderment. "What do you mean by similar circumstances? Were you ever pregnant?'
Sasha shook her head. "No, thank God. But I - I was date raped. When I was seventeen. And, unlike Hayley, unfortunately I remember the entire, horrific incident all too well. In fact, hearing about what Hayley went through just brought all of those terrible memories rushing back. So I do understand, all too well, why you feel the need to protect her and help her through this. Because I never had my own father to do the same for me."