By the time I was done, my mom stood up and pulled me into her arms, comforting me with a mother’s love. She had come through for me, and it was then that I realized that part of the reason I’d stayed with Richard for all of that wasted time was because I didn’t want to disappoint her. But now she understood, and as she hugged me tightly, I finally felt at peace. All I could do was hold onto the hope that my time apart from Jesse would end soon, that he’d still be waiting for me and we could finally be together, maybe even with the support of my family.
One Saturday night in early May, Quinn decided that she’d had enough. She declared that we were going to go out. She picked out my clothes for me, did my hair and make-up, and mixed me a strong vodka and Sprite.
It felt good to have a friend like Quinn, but I wasn’t in the partying kind of mood. She knew that but ignored it, thinking that if we just went out for a night of fun, I’d snap out of my funk.
The only thing that was going to snap me out of my funk was Jesse Drake.
I had severely strong emotions during this period of time. Either I loved with all of my heart (Jesse), or I hated and resented with everything inside of me (Richard and that bitch I liked to call Fate). Everything else fell into the indifference category.
I craved everything about him. I missed the way he smelled like man and Christmas pine and happiness. I missed his tattoo and his washboard abs. I missed his kitchen and his comfy couch and the bed we shared in his guest room. I missed his labels facing out in the most organized refrigerator I’d ever seen, especially when I opened Quinn’s rather haphazard fridge. I missed his heart and the way he took care of everyone around him and put everyone else first. I missed the haunted look in his eyes that was magically cured when he took me in his arms. And most of all, I missed the way he loved me, how he showed me how much he loved me without sex and without words.
I looked toward the end of the school year with renewed hope. I wanted each day to pass faster, because I knew that somehow we’d find our way back to each other once school was out for the summer and we didn’t have the threat of our jobs being taken from us. Once Richard and I were finally divorced, I’d be able to date whoever I wanted, and I wouldn’t have the public eye of my students and their parents and the entire community judging me for being married while living with another man.
My night out with Quinn was an epic fail. I couldn’t help it; I just wasn’t good company. I was depressed and in a dark place, and taking me out and parading me in front of hot guys wasn’t the solution. Not only was I despondent because of the Jesse situation, but I was also still married. I didn’t need more guys hitting on me to complicate my life even more.
I just held onto the hope that Jesse had given me on our last night together: We’d made a promise that we were going to have our night in June, and I was still determined to make that happen. I just hoped that he was still determined, too.
Quinn finally took me home when she realized that I was in no mood to be out in public, and we drank some more together at home. I was feeling pretty drunk, but where I usually felt giggly when I was tipsy, that night, the alcohol just filled me with sadness.
She sat nervously on the couch next to me while I leaned back and stared up at the ceiling. “Can I talk to you?” she asked.
“Of course, Quinn,” I said, turning my head to face my friend.
“I have a confession to make,” she declared. She looked nervously at me and then away from me.
“What?” I asked. Her nervousness was making me nervous, too.
“It’s just…” She sighed and then restarted. “You think this was Richard’s doing, right?”
“The Scandal?” I asked, using the understated nickname we’d given to my situation with Jesse.
She nodded. “It’s just…” she trailed off.
“‘It’s just’ what?”
“I think I might be the one who gave Richard the idea to break you and Jesse up,” she blurted out, almost like it was one long word.
I sat and stared at her for a moment, sure I hadn’t heard her right.
“What?” I finally asked, my voice coming out angrier than I’d intended. I paused and took a deep breath. This was my best friend. Surely she hadn’t done something so horrible as to physically rip Jesse away from me. “How did you give Richard the idea?”
“I was out with Caleb, and we were sitting at a bar. Richard was there, and he came over and chatted. You know that I’ve known Richard longer than I’ve known you, even though you’re my best friend now.”
I nodded.