And, apparently, that was why he’d never told a woman that he loved her.
It really showed me how one major event in a person’s adolescent life could so profoundly affect every single aspect of his adult life.
So what was it about me that was so different?
What was it about me that allowed him to open up as much as he had?
I didn’t know, and I didn’t know if I ever would. All I knew was that I was happier with Jesse by my side than I had ever been in my entire life.
I turned into him and wrapped my arms around him. We stood in a hug by the ocean water, and I suddenly understood my Jesse far better than I had even just that morning.
My Jesse.
It had a nice ring to it.
“Thank you for being honest with me,” I replied.
We walked along the shore, allowing the water to roll in and out over our feet. It was chilly in early March, but having Jesse by my side warmed me. Everywhere.
His fingers laced through mine as we walked in silence.
“Can I ask you a question?” I asked, afraid to push him after all he’d confessed to me that day but suddenly needing the answer.
He nodded.
“Who is Carly?”
He glanced quickly at me, seemingly a little taken aback at my question.
“You just always come back from seeing her with this haunted look in your eyes.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry. I just want to be there for you if you want to talk about it.”
“Thank you,” he said.
It was awkward for a second, and then I said, “So do you? Want to talk about it?”
He shook his head. “I’m not really supposed to.”
A thought crossed my mind, so I asked, “Is she a student?”
He shook his head. “No. I volunteer at the hospital.”
“You do?” I asked, impressed yet again by this kind man and his generous soul.
“I have for years. I started in transportation, but switched to the psych ward as part of my internship for my undergrad and my Master’s degrees. And then once I got my doctorate in school counseling, I started volunteering with suicidal patients.”
Wait. What? “You have a doctorate?” I asked.
He nodded.
“How did I not know this, Dr. Drake?”
He chuckled. “Because I don’t want people calling me ‘Dr. Drake.’”
Smart, modest, and hot. How did I get so lucky?
“When did you manage that?” I asked.
“I finished it about a year ago. My undergrad degree is in psychology secondary education. I taught at Central for two years while I worked on my Master’s. The year you started was my second year as a counselor. I decided to continue on for my doctorate.”
“Do you like volunteering?” I asked.
He nodded. “Yes, except some people just remind me of my sister, and Carly’s one of them. It’s difficult to see her like that and feel helpless.”
I squeezed his hand, and he stopped walking and pulled me into him. He buried his face in my neck. “Thank you, V,” he murmured, and then I felt his lips on my skin.
“For what?” I asked, surprised at his second unexpected display of emotion of the evening.
He pulled back just far enough to gaze at me, still holding my body close against his. “For being here. For being you. For making me want to talk about things I’ve never wanted to talk about with anyone before you.” His voice was soft and sincere.
“You’re welcome,” I said, leaning forward to press a gentle kiss to his lips. I was still dumbfounded as to how, exactly, I had become that person for him, but I knew that somehow, he’d become that for me, too. Really, he’d become the most significant person in my life in a very short period of time. Maybe it was because we’d been friends first. Maybe it was because we’d provided comfort and support for each other when clearly we’d both needed it.
Whatever the case, I knew that now I’d never find a way to live my life without him in it.
His arms tightened around my waist as his mouth opened to mine and what started as a sweet kiss turned into a scorching hot embrace.
It didn’t matter where we were; the park by his house, the side of the road, the beach with the ocean waves rolling in. No matter what, when Jesse Drake’s mouth found mine, everything else in the world ceased to exist as I lost myself in him, in the gentle caresses and sweet taste and aggressive dancing and clashing of tongues.
He pressed two kisses to my lips and then pulled back and leaned his forehead to mine. “I do, V.”
It was his way of telling me that he loved me, and I knew that. And now that I understood his reasons, I was perfectly fine with waiting until he was ready to say the words I needed to hear.