Hell, at least they’d have something interesting to gossip about at this year’s reunion .
“Honey, you’ve got to try.”
“I did.”
“Try again.”
“I’ve tried for the last year. I’m done trying. I give up. We failed, and it’s over.”
My mom was quiet, and I felt like shit for confessing and then shutting down her reply, but I just didn’t want to hear it. I felt like Super Woman when I’d finally left him, and this conversation was just bringing me down. It was all the reasons I’d put off leaving him in the first place wrapped into one guilt-trip conversation.
“Mom, I have to go. I’ll call again soon.”
I knew she was disappointed, and I knew she wanted to talk some more, but I was done. I just wanted to get back out to Jesse, the man who freed me just by convincing me that living stagnantly was no longer working, the man who made me feel like I could do anything and be anything I wanted to be.
“Can I just say one thing?” she asked.
Here it comes, I thought to myself. I grunted in reply.
“Your father and I have been married for nearly thirty-five years, and we’ve been through a lot together. We’ve had rough patches, but we always came out on top because we each put the other first. I don’t know what it’s like day to day for your marriage, but if you put Richard first, like the way a marriage is supposed to work, then maybe you two can work things out.”
I thought about that for a moment. Had I put Richard first? Or was I putting myself first?
I knew I’d tried everything I could to make it work. And I knew the answer to my question: I’d put Richard first for our entire marriage and I was finally, finally putting myself first. I deserved to be first for once, and now was the time when it mattered.
“Thanks for the advice,” I said thickly, not wanting to reveal my thoughts to my mother because I really just didn’t think she’d get it.
“You’re welcome, dear. Just think about trying it one more time. For me.”
“I’ll think about it,” I said, knowing it was a lie even as I said it. “Love you, Mom.”
“Love you, too.”
With that, I ended the call. I stared at my phone, lost in thought for a moment about our conversation, when Jesse’s head appeared in my doorway again. He knocked lightly on the frame.
“Come on in,” I said with a sigh.
He came in and sat down on the edge of my bed. It didn’t escape my notice that I was sharing a bed with Jesse Drake.
“Everything okay?” he asked.
I nodded. “My mom,” I said, nodding toward my phone in my hand.
“You didn’t even tell her?”
“You’re the only person I told in the entire world.”
“How did you live for so long without talking to anybody?”
I shrugged. “I just did.”
“You know you’ve got me now, right?” he asked, and I nodded. “I was always there, but maybe you just didn’t realize it,” he said softly, staring down at his jeans. I wondered what he was thinking and what was going on behind those dark and mysterious brown eyes.
“Thank you, Jesse,” I whispered.
His eyes snapped up to meet mine, and I saw a warmth and affection there that I’d never noticed before. Maybe he was right; he’d always been there, but I just hadn’t realized it.
A sudden hatred grasped at me for my soon-to-be-ex-husband as I realized how I’d wasted the past five years on him when there were men like Jesse out there. Good, solid, gorgeous men, just waiting for the right woman to come along.
I longed to be the right woman for Jesse, but I knew I wasn’t. I wasn’t going to get down on myself, because deep down I knew I was a catch; but I still wasn’t playing in the same league as him. Besides, I needed to give myself some time. I was officially ending my marriage. Surely I needed some time to just be on my own; it was like an unwritten rule. I couldn’t just jump into the next thing even if I knew that my relationship with Richard had been over for a long time. I needed to wait the proper and respectable amount of time before moving on with someone new, and it couldn’t be Jesse. Not after he’d offered me his unconditional friendship and a place to stay. Besides, Jesse wasn’t the relationship type. He’d already admitted to me that he liked the ladies, and I couldn’t set myself up for something like that. I couldn’t just be another girl that he slept with, and I wasn’t willing to give up the friendship we’d formed for one night of what would surely be the most amazing sex of my life.
And then there was Allison to consider. Who was she, and why was her name tattooed on his gorgeous body?