Separation Anxiety

CHAPTER 1





We all get one true love in our lives, and it’s up to us to find it. Fate will act and try to push us together, but ultimately it’s up to us to recognize who that one person is when he’s standing in front of us.

Maybe other people don’t believe that, but that’s what I believed. And I thought that Richard was that for me. I truly believed that while we were dating and when we got engaged.

But then we got married.

Is it strange that I considered us separated from almost the moment we had gotten married?

Now that we actually were separated, I was starting to wonder when one of us would finally make the first move toward the inevitable incision that would sever the ties of our marriage.

And as I sat there thinking about the very thing that had weighed heavy on my mind for a year, I wondered if I should be the one to finally make that first move.

I never thought it would be us, at least not when we’d been dating or after we’d gotten engaged. I’d always heard about those stupid Hollywood couples citing “irreconcilable differences,” and I always thought it was a really clever way to say that they couldn’t solve their own problems. Well, guess what?

Richard and I couldn’t solve our own problems.

It wasn’t for lack of trying, though. For my part, at least, I had done everything that I could.

I suggested counseling the moment I saw that we were growing apart. Richard made it to one session before giving up. One.

I tried talking to him, but it was like talking to a wall. I asked him what I could do to fix things, but how do you fix something that’s irreparable?

Those damn irreconcilable differences came back to haunt me. Our lives had grown separate ways, and in the end, that was what tore us apart. Unfortunately, I just didn’t have it in me to try to make something work that just wasn’t working anymore.

“Veronica, is there anything you’d like to add?” Bill’s voice intruded on my thoughts.

Shit.

I really needed to focus. I was sitting in a meeting with the parents and teachers of one of my students. Jacob’s parents were concerned with his behavior and grades, and our assistant principal, Bill Robinson, had pulled together a meeting and scheduled it for the end of the day on a Friday.

Nothing pissed a group of teachers off more than scheduling a meeting on a Friday after school.

But there I was, dwelling once again on my personal issues that had plagued me for over a year while I was supposed to be focusing on the meeting I was sitting in.

I smiled warmly at the people sitting across from me. “I think that covers it,” I said, hoping that I didn’t miss a beat somewhere. I’d already given my feedback earlier. He was a good kid who got bored easily, and honestly, after five years as an English teacher, it wasn’t the first time I’d seen it. I found ways to keep him entertained so he didn’t become a behavior issue for me.

“Thank you for your time,” Bill said. “Teachers, you are dismissed.”

Thank God.

I walked at my normal brisk pace back to my classroom, grabbed my purse out of my desk, and headed out the door.

I hadn’t told anybody about the separation, and neither had Richard. Instead, he slept in the guest bedroom and we avoided each other as much as possible. We avoided our friends who were couples while we both postponed the inevitable. But, honestly, we both knew that there was no hope, and I wasn’t sure anymore what we were holding onto.

Maybe it was easier just to stay married and live separately, but I was starting to think that was stupid. I was ready to be done with my life with Richard, and I was ready to be done with the lie we’d been living for the past year.

I thought about the things that helped me to know that it was over. When I got home from somewhere and saw his car in the garage, I felt my heart drop as the heavy weight that had disappeared when we were apart bore back down on my shoulders. I didn’t miss him when we were apart, and I didn’t feel those same urges to reach out to squeeze his hand or to lean in for a random hug. We’d lost the affectionate side of our relationship a long time ago, and we both knew that there was no getting it back. And affection was something I craved. I didn’t need to always be on top of my significant other; but I missed those sweet glances from across the room, or the knowing smile, or the way we had found reasons to touch each other when we had first gotten together.

Our initial attraction had been instant. As silly as it sounds, we met on a blind date. A friend from work, Quinn, was dating Paul. Paul had a single friend and Quinn had me, and the four of us went to dinner and a movie one night. The instant attraction crackled through the air between us.