“You say that you’re not like him, but how do you know?”
“Because I can love.” I press a kiss to the back of her neck. “He does not feel love. Not for anything.”
“Except hurting people. I know firsthand.”
“I’m sorry, little fairy,” I murmur against her skin. “I will make it all better. Let me take the pain away.”
She starts to cry again. Her sobs and moans go through marrow and bone. I took from her what I wanted, because I had to, but seeing her cry kills me. I used to believe that if I told myself I didn’t care about people, I’d be protected against this painful thing called love. Seems like I fell for her anyway. There was no avoiding it … She’s consumed me since the moment we met.
In an effort to protect her from her own pain, I lift her up from the balcony and carry her inside. I sit down in the big chair standing next to the door, and she curls up in my arms. Her fingers grasp at my shirt, jerking and tearing with every tug. I imagine my shirt is her heart being ripped to shreds. Everything she’s experienced these past few days … even months … is now coming out. Finally, she’s letting go of all the coiled up anxiety, powerlessness, fear, and sorrow. She didn’t get to process the loss of her mother, but now the pain is twice as bad. I can sense from the way that she shivers that she needs my hold. So I caress her arms and press soft pecks onto her temple, warming her skin with mine.
“I feel used … broken …” she mutters.
“I know …”
“How could you do that?” she suddenly screams. And then she hits me in the chest. I take the blow with honor.
“I’m sorry, little fairy. I did it to get you out of their claws. I can’t tell you how sorry I am that you had to feel that way because of me.”
“You’re cruel. How could you say sorry, thinking it makes it all right, just like that?”
“It doesn’t, but it’s the least I can do.” I grab her hand and bring it to my face. “Hit me again if it makes you feel better.”
She pulls her hand away and frowns. “It doesn’t. Nothing does. To your club, Genesis, I’m like a toy, disposable and replaceable.”
“Don’t say that. You will never be replaceable for me. There isn’t a girl like you in this world. You seduced my mind, Lillith. Not just my body or my heart. My very soul is connected to you in a way that I can’t explain. I’ve never felt this before, not for anyone.”
Her lip quivers. “You used me. They watched us.”
“I will gouge their eyes out if it will make you feel better,” I offer.
“It won’t take away the memory of them looking at my naked body.”
I grab her face with both hands and make her look at me. “I will take away those memories, by force if I have to.”
“How?”
“Love. Fucking. Punishment. Pain. Anything that takes your mind off them.”
“You would hurt me just to make me forget?” she whispers.
“I would make you hate me again if it meant that you’d feel better. If it means you’ll despise me, then so be it, but I will make it right for you. I will help you find peace within your heart. I won’t take anything less.”
“Sebastian …” Her hand reaches to touch my face. The moment I feel her warmth, I feel lighter, more free, than I’ve ever felt before.
“Hate you? Is that what you want?” she asks.
“Never. I never wanted you to hate me. I just knew that you had to. In order to be safe, you had to hate me. But it was never what I wanted, what I needed.” I place my hand over hers. “What I needed was you, your light, your smile, your innocence, your carefree spirit, your childlike love for this world.” I move my face closer to her hand. “But what I need isn’t important. I am here for you solely.”
“I made you remember,” he says.
“And now you want to make me forget?”
“Because it’s all my fault. I wanted you to remember so you’d be safe, free, away from us. Now … I just want you to be happy.”
A pause ensues. “I don’t understand you …” she says after a while.
I smile. “I told you that once, too.”
“And we both mean it.”
“It’s the things we don’t understand that excite us. The unobtainable that we seek. The hunt is what drives us, the need to ensnare our opposite and learn. Intrigued by differences, the desire to capture that which makes us unique is what seizes control of our hearts. We want each other’s qualities and despise each other’s weaknesses. We collide and attract. Yin and Yang.”