Her gaze pulls toward me like a thousand stars crashing into the earth. Filled with tears, they widen, her pupils dilating. Her fingers twitch and her legs move. She almost slips on the balcony.
I run to her and grab her arms, pulling her back against my chest before she actually drops. “Don’t you dare.”
She gasps. “What?”
“I need you. God, I need you. Don’t you dare take yourself away from me,” I growl, clamping my arms around her tight. “Even if they tried to take you, it doesn’t mean that I’m going to let you take yourself out of the equation. And by God, if you do, I swear I will fucking jump right after you.”
Our story is not that of star-crossed lovers, but that of a clash of wills, locked in a deadly yet heavenly game of cat and mouse without even the possibility of anyone winning. But if I must go under, I will go under with her. Together. I’d die for her, with her.
I gaze down the balcony onto the street littered with cars. “It’s a long way down. I’ll be there with you the entire way.”
She frowns, gaping at me. “I wasn’t …”
“You weren’t what? Trying to fucking jump off this building?”
“What? No, of course not.” She hiccups from the tears, and then swallows as she looks down. “Oh God … I get what you mean now. Jesus, I didn’t know it looked like that.” She pulls her legs back over the edge. “I was only here so I could think. Heights make me calm.”
I sigh. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“No, unfortunately … although, now I wish I was. That look on your face was priceless.”
She giggles, sweeping a tear away. Her face darkens as she turns her head to the void and breathes a sigh. I rest my head against her back and listen to the sound of her lungs, the beating of her heart, telling me she’s still alive. Just like I was to her, she is now the tether that binds me to this world.
Her fingers clamp around the stone ridge, her head hanging lower and lower until I can feel her body tremble and hear her snivel. “You would jump off this building with me?” she says.
“I would. God, I would. It’s reckless and stupid, and I’d throw my life away, but I’d do it anyway. Every second of the day is wasted if I can’t spend it with you.”
I hear her snort, and then her body shakes some more.
“It’s okay … cry, Lillith, let it all out.”
“You always say that I don’t need to cry.”
“Sometimes you just have to,” I say, wrapping my arms tighter around her.
“I’m scared …” she says, letting out a deep breath. “So scared.”
“I know.”
“I can’t handle it.”
“I’m here … I’m here for you, always. You gave me a purpose in life, so let me return that favor. My arms will be your comfort. My body your protection. My chest your refuge. My face your punching bag.”
She laughs and brushes away a few tears again.
“I mean it. I’ll take it. I’ll take it all, whatever you’ll give me. Anything. As long as it’s something,” I say. “Tell me something, Lillith, anything that’s on your mind. I need to know how you feel, what you’re thinking.”
“My mother …” she murmurs. “She was there. Oh, God … I hate her.” She sniffs. “She killed my father, Sebastian! She murdered him with polonium or whatever in the hell it was. Some kind of radioactive drug …”
I didn’t know this happened, but now I understand her pain. It only adds to the gravity of what Genesis has done. Completely ruined her life … and I’m part of it all.
She shakes her head, growling into the wind. “I hate her for doing that to me, to us. For letting Newman give her that crap and for letting him take over. That she could even let herself be seduced by such a man is beyond me. I hate her for cheating; I hate her for trying it multiple times. And I hate her for being weak, for not resisting him and what she did…” She shivers. “But most of all, I hate myself for being just as weak. For not resisting. For not fighting.”
Goosebumps form on her skin and I blow hot air onto her back to compensate for the cold.
“You aren’t weak. You’re strong for not giving up. For pushing through, even against all odds. For sticking with me and proving to me that I could be something more than just a slave to darkness. You’ve made me a slave for your love, Lillith.”
“I didn’t stop you. I didn’t do the things that I told myself I would do.”
“You didn’t have to stop me. I’m not Newman. Besides, I didn’t need stopping. I needed changing. You did that for me.”