“Lillith …”
“Don’t call me that.”
The taxi stops and pulls us from our convo. I pay the driver as Lillith steps out of the car and slams the door hard. I walk over to her side, grabbing her arm as she walks away.
“In here.”
“Get away,” she says, jerking her arm back.
It hurts me to see her like this—to know that I caused this. It was inevitable.
She’s shivering, rubbing her arms as she fights to stay upright. She looks exhausted; bags under her eyes, lines on her face, sagging eyelids.
“Let’s get inside. Get you warmed up a bit.”
She reluctantly follows me into the five-star hotel that I selected, far away from Rhode Island. This is my second home, the city of New Haven, which houses Yale, the place I learned everything about the world I love. Books. The one thing that became my downfall and hers.
This is the first time that I’m staying at this particular hotel, though. We won’t stay here for long. Maybe a day, max. We have to keep moving if we want to avoid them.
I book a room, but then realize it might be better to get two, so I change it.
Lillith gapes at me with her lips parted in the cutest, most interesting way. As I hand her the key to her own room, she frowns at me.
“What?” I say.
“My own room?”
“Yeah, I figured you’d want to spend some time alone right now.”
“Right …” She turns around.
“You’re surprised.”
“I didn’t think that you’d allow me that type of freedom.”
“Things have changed,” I muse. “I have changed.”
“Hmm…” She doesn’t respond.
I wish I could peer into her head and see whatever it is that she’s thinking. I want to know what she thinks of me, the world, of what we did, and how she deals with it. I want to know if she’s going to be okay.
In complete silence, we walk to the elevator. She doesn’t look me in the eye, even though I keep my gaze fixated on her. When the doors close and the button is pressed, her legs give out. I catch her in her fall. Just from the weight she puts on me, I can tell that she’s weak. I lift her up and hold her in my arms.
“Put me down,” she demands.
“No.”
“I can take care of myself.”
“It’s okay. You’re tired. You’re broken. Let me take care of you.”
“No.” She sighs. “Please just let go. I can walk.”
“You know I can’t do that,” I say with a gentle smile.
The door opens again and I carry her out through the hallway. Her eyes open and close slowly, fighting the pull of sleep. It’s been too much for her, and I feel that it is best to give her time.
She keeps resisting me, wanting to push me away, but I won’t let her. She needs me there right now—to comfort her, to hold her, to love her. I won’t let her do this to herself. I won’t let her isolate and punish herself for whatever it is that she thinks she did wrong. She did nothing wrong. Nothing.
I am everything that is wrong with this world. A coward, hiding behind his need for acceptance and will to live, instead of facing the evil that lurks around every corner. But I will do this one goddamn thing right.
So with her pushing and shoving me in the chest, I carry her to her room all the way at the end of the hallway. There, I momentarily put her down and wait until she’s pushed the key into the lock.
“So … you’re not leaving me alone after all?”
I take in a sharp breath but don’t reply. She and I both know what she wants … but it’s not what she needs.
After a quick glance over her shoulder, she treads into her room and looks around.
“Is it to your liking?”
“Anything with a bed is good right now.”
I smile and inhale her scent as she flips her hair to the side. God, she smells divine. I can’t get enough. Any minute that I can spend with her, I’ll gladly take, even if it means my death.
Jesus Christ, I’d die over this woman.
So be it.
It’s the first right thing I’ve ever done in my life, and I'd be damned if I let anything ruin this.
She has to come out of this alive, no matter what.
“Listen … I…” I place my hand on the doorpost.
“Don’t talk, please,” she says. “I’ve heard enough for one day.”
“For once I agree.” I sigh, squeezing the doorpost so hard that my fingernails push through the wood. “You need to rest.”
“As if I could …” she says, letting out a deep breath. “I’m afraid they’ll come after us.”
“Don’t be. I will make sure that they won’t bother you ever again.”