Seize(46)

“Holy crap …” I blow out a long breath.

“I know it’s a big thing, but let me explain.”

“And how would I know what you’re going to tell me isn’t a lie? You’ve been lying to me this whole time.”

He grabs my hand. “Because I’m done lying. I’m done working with them, done with all the perversions, done with damaging you. I’m doing this because I think it’s right. It’s time you learned the truth.”

He rummages in his pocket and takes out a notebook. “In here is where I write the details that I should remember, so that I can write the book that will become their downfall. You should read it.” He holds it out to me. “You’ll find my darkest secrets hidden within.”





Sebastian’s Notebook



Facility 2 – January 29th, 2013





I’ve brought her to the Summermount facility as instructed, one of the facilities we own, where fake doctors and nurses are stationed just to keep up the façade. It pains me to leave her here, in this place that harbors and masks all our sickness with lies, but I know that I must. Even if I saved her from them, I cannot save her from myself.

In order to survive, I must complete this assignment. They will kill me if I don’t.

By defying him in the train, Hubert has made me a target. I could see it in his eyes, the need for vengeance. He thrives on his pride, but it will ultimately be his undoing. I will see to it.

I made a daring choice when I chose to spare her from them, but it also cut into my soul. There was only one way to save her and it was by declaring her as my next victim, my next assignment.

Hubert himself forced the book that I was reading now upon me. I picked books that weren’t up his alley. ‘Too easy and weak’ he called them. I call them sane. Alas, he is one of the grand players and thus has the most say in what happens, including what books I read. I am their slave, not a worthy part of the group.

I do not wish to be anything to them except their enemies.

Still, I know that I must complete the assignment in order to keep their trust. The only way to defeat a festering wound is by cutting out the heart. I will do just that to the group, but the only way I can do it is by having their complete trust.

So I will make her my objective. The girl will become my slave. I will use her and seduce her, bend her to my will until she no longer knows wrong from right. She will come to love me and then I have to let her fall.

It is all written in this book. The paper dictates the rules. The written word is law.

By saving her, I made a choice that cannot be undone. Instead of succumbing to their grasp, she will succumb to me.





Sebastian’s Notebook



April





Every day I visit her room, whisper sweet words into her ear, and make her feel appreciated. It is in here, in this little book that I hold, on the pages that I read with trembling fingers that remind myself that I will have to continue. The guilt weighs down on me like a stone brick that I drag along every single day, but I cannot quit. For if I do, I will die.

What choice is right when lives are at stake? Who would make the choice between living and dying? Who could give up their own life for someone else’s, someone they barely know?

This girl … this girl haunts me. Her innocence has been laced with evil from the very beginning. From the moment those men spotted her mother, I knew that she was doomed as well. I tried to keep her out of it, tried to keep her safe, thinking then at least one would be rescued. Of course, it never works out as I imagine.

Now she is here, totally smitten with me.

Every day, her hunger, her desire for me, grows. I don’t know why she has forgotten everything that happened, but perhaps it’s for the best. If she’d remember, it would only add to the difficulty of my task. In my mind, I turn her into a doll, a lifeless puppet, while I dream of fucking her brains out for the sake of my assignment. Just for the sake of my sanity, to keep myself from falling into darkness. If I do, it will be done. I can let go of it all.

But she won’t let me. Those eyes … Jesus, those sparkling eyes and that amazing smile have me mesmerized. The way she looks at the world, so innately obsessed with all things that hold weakness like leaves blowing down a road, small birds trying their best to fly for the very first time, tiny flowers she wishes would bloom … it is so beautiful to look at her face when she does that. She reminds me of a child—innocent and filled with wonder, excitement, and unending eagerness.

It is such a shame that I have to crush it all.





Sebastian’s Notebook





I watch her from the sidelines—in the dining hall, in her room, in the yard, and where they pretend to counsel her. Sometimes she spots me, but then I leave in a blink. I cannot risk her knowing that I’m real.