Robbing a bank isn’t fun anymore. Selling guns in a war isn’t fun anymore. Killing animals isn’t fun anymore. Fun is now taking women against their will and fucking them.
Worst of all, they force me to assist.
Over the years, I’ve branched out from being just a curator into an all-round mess-solver for them. They gave me money so I could keep the world quiet and let them continue their gruesome affairs. Oh, we had a little accident? Call Sebastian. We spilled some wrong information here and there? Call Sebastian. We murdered too many animals? Call Sebastian. We accidentally hurt someone and crippled them for life? Call Sebastian.
The situation is escalating, it’s completely out of control, and yet there is nothing to stop these monsters from continuing down this path of destruction. Worst of all, it is not their own destruction they cause but that of others.
And I cannot do anything to stop it. They control everything. My life, my love, my funds. Where I live, what I do. They know all that happens, and if they ever find out that I would go against them, they would kill me. The way Hubert looks at me sometimes …. My nightmares are haunted. I’ve seen it in his eyes—that hunger for blood. I don’t want to be their first victim, although I know one day that they will claim a life. I pray to God that day doesn’t come before my death.
Not wanting to be the first means someone else besides me will be their victim … the one who will be the first to die. This thought sickens me to the point of wanting to thrust a dagger into my own heart.
I know it is weak of me to even think that. To even want to take my own life when those of others are on the line. It is that sole thought that keeps me here, keeps me from taking my own life to pull myself from this world. The responsibility I feel in my heart for the men who commit these unforgivable crimes. The men who force my involvement. I feel the need to witness everything … in order to ever make it right again.
The first one is the hardest to watch. A girl, barely twenty years old, whose clothes have been ripped to shreds, is taken back to the Meeting Room above the library. There, they cut what’s left of her clothes to pieces, and her chest is laid bare for all of them to see. Including me.
I try to look away, but Arthur refuses my pleas when I ask to leave.
“No, you will watch and learn, boy,” Hubert interjects. “It’s time you grew a pair.”
“Come now, he’s only our assistant. What do you expect him to do?” Lewis says.
“Help out,” Hubert says. “He should be tying her down for us so we can enjoy the sight.”
“No …” I mutter.
“What’s that?” Hubert turns around to face me while the others keep the girl down on the floor. “Are you refusing to tie her up?” He laughs when I frown. “I know you like to do it …”
He twirls the knife in his hand like it’s a threat. “I’ve seen you tie them up before.”
It comes as no surprise to me that he knows what I do. They watch me wherever I go, keep tabs on me whenever they want. I’m constantly monitored. They’re probably afraid that I might spill the beans someday. Rightfully so.
“This is not his book, nor his assignment, Hubert. Now stop fooling around and get to your scene already,” Arthur snaps.
“Fine, fine, whatever. But he’ll have to watch.”
“What?” I say.
“Keep your eyes open and don’t you dare walk away,” Hubert instructs.
“Are you suggesting that you want to train him to become a part of our little group?” Lewis muses.
“I’m not saying that. I just want him to be prepared that’s all,” Hubert explains, smiling. “Prepared to clean up this mess when it’s over.”
My face grows whiter by the second. The girl is screaming out, but no one will hear her. I am here, and yet I cannot do anything. They don’t allow me to interfere. Her cries pierce through marrow and bone. I grind my teeth, willing it to be over quickly.
I am weak. I am terribly weak. I should stop this right now. My mind spins and spins with this idea. Anything. Grab a dagger from the table and jam it in their lungs, fetch a gun and shoot them in the heart, lunge at them and kick their heads off their torsos. Everything that I could possibly do to end this vile assault crosses my mind, and yet I don’t act on it. There is a little devil on my shoulder whispering words into my ear.
You will never be able to hurt them like they would hurt you. You’re just one person going against four. You won’t stand a chance. They could kill you. They would, if you interfered. Just let it happen. Accept it; there’s nothing you can do. Pretend it never happened; pretend it doesn’t exist. Just live, that is all you have to do.