Seize(20)
Her words are soaked in thirst, and I hunger to see the euphoria wash over her.
“Remember who gives you this pleasure, Miss Carrigan. Remember how I give it to you like no one else can,” I say. “You may come now.”
I feel her pussy milk my cock before I hear her moans, but fucking hell, it feels good. So good, it’s making me come, too. I grab a fistful of her hair and thrust in once more to fill her with my load, pumping my seed deep into her. I feel the need to cover her with it as if it is my way of marking her and showing her that she’s mine and no one else’s. The way her eyes roll back and her hips quiver, how her pussy pulsates around my cock, gives me intense pleasure—not just physically, but emotionally, too. We fall apart together, panting, sated to the brim.
I drop down beside her, admiring her for a moment. She completely unravels me, which I don’t even understand myself. I know she seeks the answers, but I wouldn’t be able to give them to her, even if she asked. But I’ll try my best to make her see herself through my eyes. Then she’ll understand.
Her eyes grow glossy, and then a single tear rolls down her cheeks. She sniffs as I let it drop onto my finger and suck it up, pressing a kiss to her cheek as well. “Why are you crying?”
“I’m not.”
I laugh. “So your eyes just randomly drop salty water?”
She sniffs again. “Onions.”
I laugh. Uncontrollably. Like so hard it hurts my stomach. At first she looks at me, but then she bursts out into laughter, too. Neither of us can stop, and I don’t want to. I haven’t laughed like this in a long while. And neither has she, from the looks of it. It was a stupid joke, and yet I’m laughing anyway. Maybe it’s the way she said it, so dryly, so out of the blue, that makes it a good one.
After laughing for a bit, I place my hand on her chest and feel her heart beat. It’s steadied again, less volatile, and her breathing has evened. “If I release you, will you stay still?”
She nods.
I lean over her to undo the straps around her wrists and then get up to take off the ones around her ankles. I lift up her ass and slowly take out the plug, placing it on the bed stand beside her. Her arms drop to her side, but the rest of her remains unmoving. Except for the tears that are running down her cheeks. I do the only thing I can think of. I wrap my arms around her cold, naked body and cover her with mine, pulling her close to me. I smell her delicious scent in her red hair and enjoy the sound of her breathing while she buries her face in my chest. I place my hand on the back of her head and soothe her by petting her.
“Are you crying because I caused you pain?”
“No …” She wipes her eyes. “I just feel bad.”
“Bad about what? I know I’ve been harsh on you.”
“No … that’s not why I’m crying,” she says. “I want to hate you, so badly. You’re so wrong, what you went along with and let those men do to us … ugh … disgusting.”
Her words are hard to swallow.
“You broke me. What you told me … it sickens me. I should be scared of you. I should want to run and never come back.”
“But you don’t …” I add, feeling a little relieved because it means that I won’t have to shoot her again.
“No! And that’s the whole point! How can you make me feel this way? How can I let myself come from your touch … I hate that I wanted it, that I liked it.” I shush her while caressing her back.
“I feel the same way. I don’t want to need you, but I do, which is why I am trying my best to solve this all.”
She gazes up at me with her teary eyes, puncturing my soul. “If you want me to trust you then you have to tell me why. Why did you save me? What makes you better than them?”
“Nothing makes me better until I stop them,” I say. “I saw something in you, Miss Carrigan … you opened my eyes and made me see what I was doing. The way you looked at me, so … innocently … it gave me the spark that I needed to fight it all. It gave me hope that I could one day turn this all around.” I cup her face. “You are what started this all, and with you, I will finish this forever.”
Accompanying song: “Lux Aeterna” by Clint Mansell
Room 569. Providence, Rhode Island – June 3nd, 2013
I gaze down at my hands, which tremble furiously.
I feel disgusted with myself for seeking my escape in his touch. For letting him control my emotions and for making me accept all the things that he and those men have done. And yet, I am still in need of his guidance, his help, his desires, in order to subdue my anger and free myself of this gut-wrenching pain.