Whenever he tried to stop, Ra'om was there to torture him physically or mentally to keep him in line. But still, it doesn't change the fact that he did awful things as a member of the Kindred-and hates himself for every one of them.
My regrets feel so minor by comparison, but I still feel like I have a lot in common with him. How long did I wait to come here for Bas? How much have I regretted that day I lost him? And how could I have left home like I did without telling my family?
We're both trying to find our way back after straying from our paths.
We're both trying to move on from big mistakes.
My mistakes deserve to be forgiven-I have to believe that.
And if I deserve forgiveness, then why shouldn't Samrael?
There isn't a sliding scale for that kind of thing, is there?
I close my eyes, realizing what this means. Maybe I will let him leave the Rift.
I'll retrieve the orb, and maybe I'll let Rael out, but I'll stay here until I find Gideon. I've been going out with the search parties daily. It's only a matter of time before we find him.
I toss and turn in bed, too anxious and worried to sleep. Doubt won't leave my body, and I've grown used to Rael's company. It'll be strange to be here without him. I think I'll miss him.
Finally, after an unsuccessful hour of trying to get myself to settle down, I climb out of bed, deciding to try Mom's trick for sleepless nights. A glass of milk might help me.
I dress, loosely tying the laces of my boots, and slip downstairs.
As I reach the foyer, voices in the kitchen stop me short. Their hushed tones send me instinctively into a corner. I listen, staring at the column of warm light pouring through the kitchen door.
"I'm telling you. He won't eat bread," Torin says.
"How'd he survive before he got here? Size he is, he looks well fed," says Rayna.
"He eats things that aren't bread. Give him more of the roasted chicken."
"Fine. So picky. Am I to slice this for him, too?"
"We ain't givin' a prisoner a knife, Rayna. Besides, even if he had a knife, how's he to cut with that metal hand?"
I slam my hand over my mouth to keep it in. The relief. The shock. The euphoria. Then the sickening, sickening betrayal that crawls through my stomach.
They keep talking, but a shrill sound has risen in my ears.
Gideon is here?
A prisoner here?
A door whines, and a cool draft sweeps out to me, carrying the scent of herbs and spices. I instantly recognize that smell. I know where they're going.
Their conversation fades to silence. I don't move. I keep myself pressed against the wall, but a wild strength kicks to life inside me, filling my muscles and mind and heart with singular purpose.
Ten minutes later-every second interminable-Torin and Rayna return to the kitchen. They snuff out the candles, the room falling into darkness in gradations. As they exit for their home through the garden door, they take the last candle with them, leaving the kitchen moonlit and blue.
Finally. I count to twenty and dart through the kitchen, into the storeroom. I lift the door to the cellar an inch at a time to prevent its loud creaking. Then I climb into the darkness, shut the door above me, and immediately start running.
When I came through these corridors, I got an idea of how extensive they are, and I plan to cover every square foot. I have to find Gideon before the sun comes up and someone discovers me missing.
I navigate the turns through sheer faith, racing down steps and turning down corridors. The minutes tick past, but I never slow or feel panicked. Every move I make feels right. At a junction, I go left and come to a series of barred stone alcoves. They're dungeonlike and dismal, and I'm positive this is where I'll find him.
"Gideon?" I lift a lamp off its hook and run to the first one.
He's inside. Sitting on the floor. His arms are crossed over his knees, and his head is bowed.
"Gideon, it's me."
He looks up sharply. Blinks hard, his eyes narrowed at the brightness of the lamplight. He lifts himself up and stands perfectly still for a moment, giving me a long stare like he's not sure I'm real.
"The key," he rasps. "It's on a hook on that wall."
I grab it with trembling hands, open the gate, and fly at him. Joy fills me like a sun, shining inside me. Bright and powerful. "You're alive. You're okay." I kiss his lips, his cheeks, his nose. There's no way to feel enough of him; I will never satisfy my need to touch him.
The chains binding his wrists jangle as he takes my face in his hands. The tears in his eyes almost break me. "I wasn't sure I'd ever see you again."
"I knew I'd see you."
"I couldn't stop thinking about you." He drops his forehead against mine. "I was so worried about you."
"Gideon, we have to get out of here. I hid the orb. We can find it and-"