Seeker (Riders #2)(96)

The quiet woods surrounding Gray Fort.

Harrows.

And Gideon-and Riot.

We walk in silence for a while. Again, I notice how easy it is to be with him. That has to count for something. Gut feeling.

Suddenly, I see a vivid image of Gideon's left arm in my mind. The neat scars on his strong wrist that I kissed not too long ago.

Rael did that.

No. Samrael did that.

And he's done much worse to other people.

Do I ask him how many people he's killed?

Does it matter?

I saw several with my own eyes in the fall-isn't knowing that much enough?

"I suppose regret is a good place to begin," Rael says, interrupting my anxiety spiral. He slips his hands into his pocket, and our pace slows. We're near the stables now. The paddock, which reminds me of Shadow. "Time feels like it stands still here-maybe you haven't felt that yet. It took a few weeks before I truly felt like I was stuck. Cursed to repeat virtually the same day over and over. This … " He waves a hand. "It's not for me.



       
         
       
        

"I began to feel like I was mired in time, unable to take a step forward. No future ahead. So, I began to look at my past. I considered how I'd spent my days. All my thousands upon thousands of days. I thought about every one of them. Earnestly. I considered my insatiable appetite for power. My service to Ra'om. My lack of regard for life or consequence, and  …  I was sickened by myself. This place held a mirror to me and I did not like what I saw."

"So you want to change the man in the mirror."

He smiles. "Yes."

"How?"

"How?"

"Yes. How are you going to change? If you leave here what are you going to do? What do you want from a fresh start?"

"I  …  I think … " He looks lost. He looks like he's genuinely never been asked that question in his entire immortal life. "You ask hard questions."

"You're asking a lot of me."

"Yes. I am." He draws a deep breath, looking up at the stars. "I think I'd seek what you have." He looks at me. "I know I would."

"What do I have that you want?"

"The thing that binds you to friends. The thing that calls you home to your family. That's kept you here, strong, hopeful, and determined."

Easy answer. "You mean love."

"Not just love. Love that is greater."

"Greater than?"

"All else."





CHAPTER 38

GIDEON

"Is it night yet?" I ask the man who brings me a bowl of watered-down broth. I'm starving. I'm not getting enough food that I can keep down. Rifters don't understand celiac disease.

"Soon," he answers. "An hour or so."

Cotton is gone.

Torin has taken his place.

Torin is human, which should be an upgrade, but Cotton had tons more personality than this guy, who shuffles away without another word, disappearing around a corner.

The past few nights have been brutal. No visits from Samrael. No idea how Daryn is doing.

"At least I've got you," I say, meeting Riot's amber eyes.

Always, Gideon. But I'm ready to get out of here. I'm angry that you're here.

He's showing it, too. His new thing as of a few hours ago has been striking his big hooves against the bars. He sends up sparks when he does it, and the clanging sound is so loud, it's almost blinding.

I rub the raw skin under the manacle on my right hand, pick up the bowl, and drink my dinner.

I've just finished the soup when Samrael comes around the corner.

He stands before my cell, slips his hands into his pockets, and regards me with his emotionless eyes. Behind him, Riot snorts and swipes a hoof, smacking it against the bars. 

Samrael cuts a dark look his way.

"I trust you're healing? Feeling better?" he asks.

My leg is better. I can stand now, like Riot, but not for long. And it's still painful. I've got another day to go at least before I'm back in fighting shape.

"You look like you could use more food," Samrael says after a pause, carrying the conversation without me. "I'll talk to Torin about it."

More silence that I don't fill. I'm not happy with the meal plan here. But I'm not thanking him for looking into it.

Something is different about him, but I can't pinpoint what it is.

"Well. Daryn and I have been spending some time together. Searching for you, mostly, but also going on walks and sharing meals. I'm rarely not in her company lately. I think it's safe to say we're becoming close. Relax, Gideon. Not that kind of close. So possessive. But I understand. She is special.

"The knowledge I took from you last time I came to see you? Her abandonment fears, and her fears for her mother's well-being-would you believe I didn't use any of it? We seem to have no trouble relating to one another. Our talks are meaningful. I find myself going on and on when I'm with her. Telling her what I've seen. Where I've been. The truth of what I've done, and  …  she just listens." He drops his gaze to the stone floor like he's debating his next words. "She  …  she wants to give me forgiveness. I know for a fact that she does." He looks up, his expression faraway like he's remembering. "She almost makes me believe that my redemption is possible. Truly possible."