Seeker (Riders #2)(44)

"I don't know exactly. They're just reasons. Reasons to be happy. Reasons to keep going. Reasons to live, laugh, love. To me, they're all kind of the same."

"Not to me. Are you laughing at my ass? Or loving it? Big difference."

"Do you really need to ask?"

I let go of the notebook and sit back. Instantly sober. No, better than sober. I'm bulletproof.

Daryn takes the notebook, but she doesn't close it. She slides it in front of us, smiling. "Great." She shakes her head. "I can't believe you saw this."

"It was open. I couldn't help it. But, like  …  it's awesome. I honestly didn't expect anything good to come of today."

She looks at me, her blue eyes going softer. "Glad I could help. Go ahead. You might as well read the rest."

I don't even hesitate. I dive right in.

The first few are great-they're exactly how I'd start my own Reasons list. Then I slow down. "Marcus's smile? It's that good?"

"Yes. He has a gorgeous smile. Stunning."

"Okay, easy. Take it easy." I keep reading. "Jode's weird Britishisms?"

"So good."

"I'm with you there." Her mother is on the list, of course. Her dad and her sister. Isabel. As I move down, it becomes apparent it's a mixture of people and keen observations. None of it surprises me much, which is cool. I know this girl. She tries to keep her distance, but I know her.

Then I get to another item with my name in it and my head explodes.

Is this for real? My lips have "limitless power"?

I've kissed her twice. Both times I was so shocked it was happening that I didn't even give my best effort. And this is my starting grade?

I can't even process. This tops everything. Out of everything I've ever accomplished, this is the best thing.

Daryn is giving me a level gaze, waiting for my reaction.

"This is a really good list, Martin. Really good. I especially like number fourteen."

"I was being hyperbolic. Exaggerating for literary effect."

"Just own it. No shame." She smacks my arm. I laugh. "I'm not kidding. Fourteen is the best item here by far. Except it also says that I look at you ardently, which isn't true. Whatever that even means."

"Yes, you do."

"No way." Do I? I remember my face in the airport bathroom mirror. "Nah."



       
         
       
        

"You're doing it right now. It's your eyes. They speak the truth."

"I'm just tired. It's been a bad day."

"Ardent."

I look back at the notebook before my eyes tell her she looks perfect right now, with her sleepy eyes and sexy smile. "There are sixteen items here. How many Reasons are there going to be?"

"I don't know. I hadn't thought about it. Maybe a hundred?"

"Nice. Can I add one?"

Her eyebrows rise. "Of course."

"You sure?"

"Yes. I want you to. Add as many as you want. It kind of feels like it's our list now."

"Well, I am all over it."

"Write, before I change my mind."

I take the pen she offers. Then I remember I've been left-handed my entire life until last year. "Daryn, my handwriting's not-"

"It'll be perfect. Go for it."

So I do.

17. Daryn's actual butt-not a photo of it, the real thing

Daryn laughs. "Seriously?"

"Very seriously. Have you seen it?"

"My butt? Not really. It's kind of behind me."

"Well, it's a damn good Reason, and fair's fair." I move to the next line and write the entry I really wanted to add. It's shorter than the one I just wrote but it takes me longer because my eyes keep trying to wash out again. I get it done, though.

18. Low

I sit back and take a tight breath and then another and another until I'm breathing normally again.

Daryn rests her head on my shoulder. We stay like this. Staring at Low's name.

The memories come. I keep thinking of all the things I'll miss about him.

I've done a lot of this.

I do this almost daily, with Dad.

Around the time he died, he was still laying into me regularly about leaving my dirty clothes on the floor of my bedroom. He wanted me to make my bed every day and screw the toothpaste cap back on and always stop to hug Mom or Anna anytime I walked through the door. Even if I just went out to pick up a pizza. It seemed insane to me, doing all that. Huge waste of time. I do it all now. He'll never see it, though.

That's the thing about death. You miss everything before and everything after, too. You miss everything that should've been.

Daryn yawns and glances at the microwave clock. "It's almost three a.m. Are you going to try to sleep?"