I've always had this feeling around him like he's bigger than the space he occupies-that hasn't changed. Some people have presence like that. They're noticeable without trying to be. It's his innate confidence, I think. He looks like he never feels the need to be anyone other than himself. It's compelling. A spatially tangible confidence.
Gideon's eyelids have been growing heavier as I've been watching him. Desire kindles inside me and speeds up my pulse, just like when he treated my back. He's not trying to look sexy. But it's happening anyway. When he stifles a yawn, I find myself smiling.
Until his blue eyes slide over to me.
I look past him, like the power-drill action in the back is really interesting.
Civil and professional, Daryn. Civil and professional.
Cordero is still going on about "camp" like soon we'll be paddling in canoes and roasting s'mores. "No one goes anywhere after dark alone. Camp lights will run all night but this playa is one hundred and twenty square miles. Getting lost is still a real danger. Okay. Let's take a quick fifteen-minute break before we turn to the mission plan."
People start heading to the coffee station set up in the back.
"A break?" I say. "It's almost three. Shouldn't we get going?" Cordero looks up from her yellow pad. "Aren't we going back in tonight?"
"Hello, Daryn. We're going to make our foray into the Rift tomorrow morning."
"Why not this afternoon?"
"We're still getting set and we need to create a strategy. We're not going to charge in there without a plan."
The condescension in her voice is almost imperceptible. But it's enough to make the blood roar in my ears. "How long does it take to create a strategy?"
"Reasonably?" She smiles, but it doesn't reach her eyes. "Until tomorrow morning. There are a lot of variables to consider. Terrain assessment. Threat assessment. Search procedures. Contingencies. Communication between the two teams, and so on."
I'm so tired of hearing about teams I'm not part of. "What teams?"
"It's on the other side of your agenda," Ben offers.
I flip over the paper in front of me and see the breakdown. The three guys, which I had expected. But then I see Travis Low. Jared Suarez. Maia Goss. Natalie Cordero. Ben Halpern. "I don't understand. Are all these people going in, too? Why?"
"It's safer. We can get spread out and get more accomplished."
"It's not safer! We don't need them. They'll just end up getting hurt." I look at Marcus beside me. "It should just be us."
"But it won't be," Cordero says impatiently, like she's answering the questions of a simpleton. "You told me there are dozens of the Harrows. 'Maybe even more' were your exact words. Everyone on the list is highly trained and has experience in combat. And Ben and I will be gathering data that could prove indispensable."
"Okay, great. Sounds like it'll be a great party." I get up and toss the agenda on the table. "Enjoy your coffee and your fancy mobile center and your printed agenda. Let me know when you want to get Bastian. I'm ready."
* * *
I go right back to Shadow.
One of the military guys is posted at the portable stable. He wears reflective sunglasses and a deadly smile that reminds me of a crocodile. I have no idea who he is, but he lets me in without question, and says nothing when I bring her out ten minutes later, tacked up and ready to ride.
I mount up and take her straight out into the desert.
After a few minutes I feel her stride lengthening, her muscles loosening, and it feels good to be with her, only her, though I'm sure that up in the fading blue sky somewhere a drone is keeping tabs on me.
If I had the orb, I'd go back in there after Bas right now. Maybe I don't have what it takes to fight a bunch of terrifying Harrows, but I'd try. I've gone past the point of waiting. I've become allergic to wasting time. Finding Bas feels possible and urgent.
And I want to see my mother again. I need to tell her I didn't abandon her. That I didn't leave because I was trying to hurt her. I left because I love her. Because I couldn't stand to see her so sad and not know how to help.
Cordero said she was sure it wasn't Mom inside the Rift. But somehow it doesn't matter to me, I realize. She felt real. I just want to see her again. And right now, Mom inside the Rift is closer to me than Mom in Connecticut.
The sun is setting as I return to camp. I find the other horses in stalls by Shadow's. Riot, Ruin, and Lucent look ridiculous penned like normal horses, and I laugh as the steel walls of their enclosures begin to make sense to me, considering Riot. Someone must have thought it would help Shadow to be with them-and it's a great idea. I think it will help. And I think I know who the "someone" was.