The line between Jode's eyebrows deepens. I know he's processing much more information than what I've just told him. He looks slightly older and more rugged, like some of the crisp blue-blood edges have worn away. All the memories of him from our time on trains and in fjords flutter right beneath my eyelids. Jode riding Lucent. Jode with his nose buried in a book. Jode with a wry smirk on his face.
"We'll have the lights shut off," he says, like this is natural conversation following the eight months we've spent apart. "And we didn't know the drone would scare her." Then he opens his arms. Jode, who's the least affectionate. The least likely to do exactly what he's doing.
I step in.
Our hug is firm, quick, and horribly unsatisfying.
When I step away I want to crawl under the slats of the porch but Marcus is right there, waiting.
The sight of him is almost enough to break my control. I don't know how to pretend around Marcus-we've never been anything but straight with each other-and if he asks me if I'm okay …
"We missed you, D." He wraps me into his arms.
"Me too," I croak into his shoulder.
Then I turn to Gideon and freeze. For a lifetime.
He's right in front of me but I can't seem to absorb seeing him. He's like the sun-only visible indirectly. Somehow we move toward each other.
His arms fold around me. I'm shaking, but I can't stop it. This feels so forced, so false. When he squeezes, he unknowingly presses right on the cuts on my lower back.
Reflexively, my lungs pull in and my back goes straight.
I feel him freeze, tensing, but I dart back and immediately shut it down.
The pain. The disappointment. The fear.
I did all I could. Now it's time to move on.
"We should go inside," I say to anyone who cares. "I have a lot to tell you."
CHAPTER 8
GIDEON
After months of not knowing, the time for answers has finally arrived.
Maybe.
This is Daryn.
With her, information is never a sure thing.
I lean against the living room wall between Maia and Suarez and listen to her describe the crumbling orb, the pain of going through the portal, and then arriving at the woods she discovered on the other side.
She speaks slowly, her eyes on the mug of tea in her hands that's no longer steaming. Occasionally she pauses for long stretches to either think or collect herself. I think I used to be able to tell.
"The pain subsided once you were through?" Cordero asks, posing one of few questions so far. She's kept her interruptions to a minimum, letting Daryn set the pace.
"Yes. It was tearing pain at first. It felt like … " Daryn shakes her head. "Like a rift. A break inside me. Once that passed, though, I still felt pressure in the back of my head. Not a headache exactly, just … pressure."
I glance at the owl clock on the wall in the kitchen. One thirty in the morning, but no one looks tired.
Ben and Soraya run voice and video recorders on the coffee table in front of Daryn. Cordero sits directly opposite her in a straight-backed chair. Isabel is next to Daryn on the couch. Jode, Marcus, Low, and a couple of the techs are scattered around the room. We've been doing this for over an hour but it feels like five minutes. I've never seen a dozen people keep still for this long.
I'm the only one who's not locked into every word. My mind keeps taking detours, trying to reconcile the Daryn I remember with the Daryn in front of me. It's like getting the same picture but with a better exposure.
And I also keep thinking about what she's hiding.
I know she's bleeding beneath the blanket pulled over her shoulders. After I hugged her, there was blood on my prosthetic.
Who hurt her? Samrael? Why hasn't she said anything about it?
When she describes the white flowers that she followed, her voice becomes quieter and more measured, and I'm in. She has my full attention.
"I followed them," she says. "It almost felt like … like they were creating a path for me through the woods. Then … then I saw her. My mother."
For a second, no one breathes. Then Isabel asks the question on all our minds.
"Daryn, your mother? She was there?"
"Yes." Daryn looks up from her tea. "She was there. I don't know if she was real or if I imagined her." She frowns, her eyes going distant. "She seemed real. I mean … it was exactly her. Her voice. Her expressions. She told me she knew I'd come for her. She said all these things … I was talking to her. But then the creature came and she disappeared."