Fucking hell. When Carter found out about this … His best friend would laugh clear through next week.
"I'll check on Kat," Clayton said, offering a warm but hesitant smile. "Why don't you let your mother know we'll be down for dinner later?"
"I will," Tristan replied. With a sinking feeling deep in his chest he walked away from Kat's door.
Chapter 2
Kat sat on her bed, knees tucked up to her chest, arms curled around her shins. Tears dripped down her cheeks, soaking her jeans in two little damp patches on her knees. Everything inside her was a jumbled mess of pain and confusion, all of it so thick and strangling she could barely breathe.
Dad's engaged, and my future stepbrother is Tristan Kingsley. My Tristan.
Two weeks ago I saw him walk into a pub and kissed him because I wanted to experience an adventure. Two days ago I gave him my virginity, and we shared the most mind-blowing sex ever. Now he's here … and he's going to be part of my family.
I'm so screwed.
It didn't change how she felt about him. He was gorgeous, not just on the outside, but inside, too. Their first night together, he'd confessed things, small whispers in the dark about himself. What filled him with joy, made his heart beat fast. Things a man wouldn't share unless he really wanted to. He'd opened up to her, and she'd done the same in return.
That has to mean something doesn't it?
He was sexy, addictive, so electric in bed that he'd left her more spellbound with every kiss, every caress. Everyone said having sex for the first time would be painful, awkward, and unsatisfying. Not with Tristan. He'd fulfilled every fantasy she'd ever had. The dark brooding bad boy, one who dominated her senses with his mouth, his exploring hands, his power over her, yet never making her feel she couldn't tell him no if she wasn't ready. They'd made love all night in his bed at the grand Fox Hill estate while the snow fell outside the windows. All she had needed was him. Nothing else had mattered.
Kat closed her eyes, still feeling his hands around her wrists, the way he'd pinned her against the door. It made her body flush with heat and her blood pound in her ears. How did he know just what to do to make her unravel from the inside out? Why couldn't she go back to Cambridge and his bed where it was just the two of them? She needed him to touch her, to make her feel alive, to show her that exquisite world of pleasure he'd only given her a taste of two days ago.
But now I can't have him. He's going to be my stepbrother.
It didn't get any more off-limits than that. Her dad would freak out if he ever found out she and Tristan had … She shook her head. Clayton had always been protective, and he'd never approve of her dating someone older than she was. And Tristan was twenty-five to her nineteen. A six-year difference.
God, this was so bad, so bad. She didn't want to think about how she'd have to spend not just this Christmas but all holidays to come around him and survive not being with him. Because if she was being totally honest with herself … it wasn't just her dad finding out that scared her. It was how easy it would be to fall in love with Tristan. The more time they spent together, the harder it became to go their separate ways. Love was dangerous. Love burned a person up inside. She'd watched it destroy her father's life after her mother had left.
I don't ever want that to happen to me.
The thought of that agonizing pain, that awful crushing of one's heart … it was something she never wanted to experience. But Tristan had the power to do that to her. She'd gotten her heart involved when she opened herself up to him and shared parts of herself she'd never shared with anyone else. And he'd shared himself right back. Still, she feared he wouldn't feel the same way about her. A man like Tristan didn't fall in love; he had too many woman out there to seduce, and she was just his current obsession, God only knew why.
Sniffling, she wiped her hands across her cheeks, trying to get rid of her tears. Maybe her dad getting married to Lizzy was a good thing. Tristan being off-limits as a stepbrother would make it easier for her to stay away from him. It would protect her heart. She'd had her adventure, she'd slept with him and almost fallen in love. It was as close as she could allow herself to get without risking her heart.
I just have to find a way to steer clear of him for three weeks. No matter how hard it is, I have to resist him.
Kat closed her eyes, memories of him flooding her until she couldn't ignore them.
Every time she'd see his hands, she'd remember how he had pressed her down on the mattress as he hovered over her body. She had to watch his mouth as he spoke and not think of the sinful way those lips had sucked on the tips of her breasts, or how he'd licked her in secret places that had made her scream his name until she was hoarse. He had shown her that pleasure wasn't just physical. Every time they'd been close, not just in bed, she'd felt alive, as though every part of her body and soul reached out to his, connecting them. His laughter had filled her heart, and his flirty smile had stolen her breath. And she couldn't forget the way he had looked at her when they first met, as if there'd been no one else in the room …
The guestroom door opened, and her father's head appeared around the edge. She jerked, her face flaming. Thank God he couldn't hear her thoughts.
"Hey, honey, mind if I come in for a minute?"
Her day couldn't get any worse. "Sure." She shifted to sit cross-legged as her dad closed the door and walked over to sit on the bed.
He ran his hand through his dark hair and sighed. There was a weariness in his eyes that hadn't been there moments before.
I've done that to him. I wasn't happy about this whole engagement thing.
Sure she could fake some smiles and politeness, but her father knew her better than that. Guilt gnawed at her insides, and she fought the sting of fresh tears in her eyes. It was selfish to want him all to herself and to have Tristan all to herself, too. And she hated herself for that.
Her father eased down on the bed beside her, his large hand touching hers, familiar and comforting.
"Come here, honey," he murmured.
She moved closer, and he wrapped an arm around her shoulders, making her lean over so he could press a kiss to her forehead and hug her tightly. In that moment, hurting the way she was, she felt as if she were twelve years old. She was supposed to be mature for her age, not prone to crying or acting out. She wanted to be an adult in her father's eyes, not a child needing protection. More important, she wanted to be a woman whom someone like Tristan would admire and respect. Even though they couldn't be together, she still wanted him to like her.
"I screwed up. I realize that. I should have told you about Lizzy much sooner." He rubbed her arm in the rough-but-gentle way only fathers seemed to manage.
Kat sat there, numb inside, as she listened to his deep, rumbling voice. For so long it had been just the two of them. Her mother had bailed on them once she'd realized how hard parenthood would be, and Kat's father had spent the last ten years proving that they hadn't needed her. That the two of them could do just fine on their own.
Everything was going to change now. And Tristan as her new stepbrother? It was so messed up she couldn't even think about it without a throbbing pulse beating right behind her eyes.
"Kat, please talk to me," her father begged. "It's okay if you're upset or angry, but don't shut me out." He gave her shoulder a little pat.
Where would I even begin? "Hey, Dad, I'm so glad you just up and decided to marry some woman without talking to me. Oh, and by the way, I totally slept with my future stepbrother, but that's cool, right? Yeah, her dad might have a heart attack.
"I know it's a lot to take in," Clayton said.
"You just dumped this on me, and I can't be instantly happy for you." The comment slipped out, crueler than she meant it.
"I'm sorry, Kat. I wish you could understand. The last several years have been … lonely for me. When your mother left, I gave up being happy." He turned his face away, his chin dropping silently. "I was convinced I'd never love again, could never love again. She was my first love, Kat. It's not easy to get over losing that."
An image of Tristan, smiling, holding her in bed flashed across her mind.
She crushed that thought, grinding it to dust. That was lust. Pure and simple. Not love.
"When you fall in love for the first time everything is new and exciting, sometimes scary. It's all fire and love and passion. If that fire goes out, the cold that follows … It scars you, soul deep."