"Dad, seriously." She started to laugh even though her heart still burned at the thought of Tristan leaving.
"Yes, Clayton, you charmer." Lizzy nudged Clayton in the ribs and shared a smile with Kat.
"Come along, ladies. Hot drinks await."
Kat glanced at the stairs as she headed toward the kitchen. There was no sign of Tristan. She hoped he'd say good-bye, even though she hated good-byes. For him, she'd go through the pain, if it meant seeing him once more.
She closed her eyes, embracing the image of them in the Kew Gardens, butterflies all around them, no secrets, no distance between them. The way his smile had made her feel like she was in a freefall. Frightening but also exhilarating.
There was no stopping it.
He was leaving, and it was too late to find a way to keep him there.
Chapter 10
Tristan's heart weighed a thousand pounds. It crushed his ribs as he hefted his travel bag over his shoulder and walked down the stairs to the town house's front door.
The last thing he wanted to do was leave, but he had to. Father dearest demanded it. Under other circumstances, he would have refused to go, no matter the threats his father might make, but he needed to put distance between himself and Kat. Seeing how hurt she was by this whole situation …
The pain in his own chest was bad enough; he couldn't imagine how Kat was feeling, after she'd almost cried in his arms earlier that day. She knew as well as he did that this thing between them, as wonderful as it could be, wouldn't last, no matter how much they wanted it to. Life would eventually pull them apart. Their paths were set in divergent lines, spearing away to distant futures that would never cross again, except in family situations with their parents. He hadn't wanted to face that reality, and until today he'd been rebellious enough to think he could go on just as he had been, being with Kat and avoiding any of the consequences. But that wouldn't last forever. He would eventually settle down with a woman of his father's choosing. It was a death sentence upon his happiness. Even though he couldn't be with Kat in the long run, he still wanted to be with her now.
Maybe time and distance were the solution. If he went to Pembroke and didn't return to his mother's town house, he wouldn't have to face her for some time. Their classes at Cambridge would likely never put them close to each other.
Maybe then I can destroy the beating heart in my chest with her name carved into it.
Taking the stairs quickly, he was at the door when someone called his name, stopping him.
"You were going to leave without saying good-bye?" Kat asked as she came out of the study.
Had she been waiting for him to pass by? The thought filled him with a traitorous sense of hope. Why was his mind so determined to find reasons to come back to her? No woman had ever been worth this torment.
He set his bag on the ground and tugged his long Burberry trench coat close about his body, slipping the buttons into their slits.
"I didn't think you'd want to." Why the comment came out so cold, he wasn't sure. Perhaps he could pretend he didn't care. It was a lie, but he wanted to believe it.
"Stop that!" she snapped, her gray eyes shining with tears. "You know I don't like good-byes." She stepped closer as she spoke, her eyes full of emotions he wished she'd surrender to.
All he wanted was to drag her into his arms and kiss her. Remind her that what existed between them was beyond ordinary. That he would put everything in his life at risk to have a future with her.
Even he had to admit that what lay between them was no longer pure lust. It was something far greater, far deeper. It scared the bloody hell out of him.
"Why are you so afraid of us being together?" he demanded in a gruff whisper
"‘Why?'" She moved another precious step closer. "Because if I stop and think about what could happen, what will happen, it frightens me. I'm not what you need. And when you finally figure that out, it will be too late for me. I'll be so in love with you by then and … " She swallowed hard. "I'm afraid I'll never get over loving you and not being with you."
She thinks she's falling in love with me? His heart leaped into his throat, and he suddenly had trouble swallowing. The thought of her loving him sent a strange thrill deep through him, pouring into his blood and spreading like an inner fire. Right now she was his, and he wanted to be the only man she ever loved. And he wanted no other woman but her.
Tristan cupped her face, cursing the crystalline tears clinging to her sooty lashes. The sight of those tears knotted his stomach, and he forced himself to draw in a painful breath.
He was on a ragged edge of desperation, tethered to her, as if they were a pair of tiny boats in a mighty storm, but he felt that invisible rope between them fraying. He couldn't let go, not yet, even though he knew it was best for everyone if he did.
"Darling, please, you're killing me," he murmured and stole her mouth in a slow, sweet kiss that sent strange, but not unwelcome, tremors through him. A woman had never affected him like this, made him shake from just a kiss. He felt light-headed, giddy, and yet everything was tinged with the aching sadness of having to leave her.
We belong together … The realization hummed through him like the distant vibration of a thousand bees around a hive in the midst of summer. The sensation was comforting, yet it was all too fleeting. There were only a few minutes left for him to embrace her and kiss her. He poured every tender thought, every little, sweet thing she made him feel into this kiss.
Her lips trembled, and she curled her arms around his neck, pressing her body to his. Every time he held Kat in his arms, Tristan wanted it to last forever.
His cell phone buzzed in his pants pocket, and he separated himself from Kat with a muttered curse. His father's number flashed across the screen. The only person who could keep him from having Kat, the man who would destroy any chance of his ever being happy, all for his own selfish reasons.
Damn him! Even at a distance his father was determined to ruin the best thing that had ever happened to him.
"It's your father, isn't it?"
He pocketed the phone with a grim nod. "Yes. I'm delayed, and it's going to make him even angrier than usual." He headed for the front door.
Kat covered her lips with her fingertips as Tristan retrieved his bag from the floor and swung it over his shoulder. He gripped the door handle again and glanced her way, his heart beating wildly as he offered himself to her one last time.
"If you want me, you know how to reach me. All you need to do is say yes and I'll come to you. But I won't come back unless you want me." He couldn't be around her if he couldn't have her. He didn't have the inner strength to control himself. Until Kat was ready to fight for him as much as he wanted to fight for her, there wasn't any other choice but to leave. The moment she realized she was strong enough, he'd come running.
"But your mother … " Kat rushed over to the door, gripping his arm to stop him from leaving.
He shook his head. "If I'm to do as you wish and keep my distance, this is the only way. I'm sorry, Kat." Reaching up to twine one lock of her hair around his finger, one last touch before he left, he smiled, but it was a melancholy smile. "Have a Happy Christmas." The words were so rough and low, he wasn't sure if she heard him. But she bit her bottom lip and nodded, not saying anything.
The silence cut him apart, but he would never let her know how much.
He opened the door and walked to his car. He took the keys from the footman and put his bag in the trunk before chancing one look back at the town house.
Kat stood in the doorway, looking small and vulnerable in her jeans and thick sweater. She rubbed her arms and watched him silently. A light breeze played with her hair, tugging strands over her face, but she didn't move to brush them away.
Good-bye, sweet Kat.
Tristan opened the car door and slipped inside, gunned the engine to life, and sped away.
The streets were wet and dark, and the tires crunched as he hit small patches of icy snow. The drive would clear his head, and by the time he reached the Pembroke Estate he'd be ready to deal with his father.
A little under an hour later, he drove through the main gates of Pembroke and waved at the security guards in their little stone cottage just past the entrance. Ahead of him, the massive family home loomed out of the woods, the tan stones a dusty gold in the winter sun. He left the car in the drive by the main door and handed the keys to the waiting footman, who hurried to take the car to one of the garages. Tristan was barely inside before he saw Carter lounging in the doorway of the morning room.