"Why did your mother bring you here and not somewhere else?"
"My father said and did many things that hurt my mother. I was only a lad, but I knew she needed peace and quiet so she could … recover. There was something about the flowers that soothed her."
A pit dropped into Kat's stomach. "He didn't hurt her … physically, I mean. Did he?"
Tristan captured a lock of her hair and spooled it around one finger, studying the strands as though they held the secrets of the universe.
"No. But some words hurt as much or more than physical blows. He made it clear that she was a disappointment, that she wasn't loved. Words like that can be devastating."
The way he said it made her wonder if he'd been a victim of his father's vicious words, as well. He seemed to have too much familiarity with that sort of pain.
Kat moved cautiously toward Tristan, checking to make sure no little winged passengers were between them. Then she wrapped her arms around him in a fierce embrace. She held on as though she'd lose him at any minute. She let every warm, soft feeling and healing thought pour out of her into him. When his arms wound around her, just as strong, she nuzzled his chest, breathing in the scent she'd come to recognize as his clean aftershave, with a hint of pine and mint, and the warm, dark scent of man.
"What are you doing to me, Kat?" Tristan's voice was low and a little rough, and his arms were tight around her body as though he were afraid to let her go. "I can't see my future without you in it and I know I can't keep you, not forever, but I want to. If you want me, I would give everything I am to be with you. Do you understand? Everything." His eyes glowed with tenderness, passion, and something so deep and soft it shook her to the core. It couldn't be love-he didn't love her-but he was gazing at her like that and it … She gave herself a little shake, trying to think.
"Me? What about you?" she murmured. "I didn't want to like you this much. I didn't want to-" Unable to finish where that terrifying thought might be headed, she gently pushed away from him and wiped at her eyes. With a few shaky steps, she put space between them and pretended to study the butterflies wafting about the air before they landed on flowers.
It gave her the chance to think without losing herself in the comfort of his arms. One of them had to be reasonable enough to see that this couldn't go on between them. It wasn't simply because their parents were getting married. It was painfully clear that Tristan's path in life would take him far away from her.
I'm just a little nobody, an American, not a woman trained from birth to be the wife of a titled peer. I wouldn't know the first thing about being with him … not in the way I'd want to be.
"You're right. We have to decide what we're going to do," Tristan said.
When she turned to look at him, she nearly jumped. He was close again, right behind her, hunger and hope in his heated gaze. She placed a hand on his chest. "I need a little time."
His shoulders sagged, and he nodded, his brows knitting together and his lips wilting from the hopeful smile. Tristan clenched his fists and stared at a passing butterfly as though it could cure him of his lust.
"Maybe we should go home," she suggested.
"Maybe we should," he echoed. There was a hollowness to his tone that created a black, aching hole in her chest.
They left the gardens and crossed the snow-covered grounds again, silence settling between them like thick London fog. With each step, her heart turned inside out. Each splinter of pain tore into her until she couldn't breathe.
Tristan stared out the window as the cab he'd hailed pulled away from the curb. The distance between them was so wide that Kat wanted to crawl across the seat and cuddle up next to him. She wanted to be with him now, wanted to be in his arms and in his bed, but the cost to his future was too high.
The ride back to the town house seemed too long, and yet not long enough. Her mind had gone over a hundred options of how to make things work with Tristan, but there didn't seem to be any good solutions.
If we can just survive the holidays, we'll go back to school and probably not see each other. Then, after a few months, our desire for each other will have to cool, won't it?
As the cab pulled up in front of the town house, Lizzy appeared in the doorway. When they got out of the cab and walked up the steps, Kat noticed that Lizzy's eyes were red. She sniffed but held her chin up bravely. Clayton stood behind her, his expression a thunderous one Kat had never seen before.
"Mum?" Tristan moved straight to her, and Kat followed, as they all walked back into the house. "What's the matter?" he asked, glancing suspiciously at Kat's father, who held up his hands in surrender.
Lizzy sighed. "It's your father. You have to go to him tonight."
It took a moment for Lizzy's words to sink in. Tristan had to leave? Tonight?
"I promised I'd stay with you, Mum." Tristan didn't glance at Kat, but she felt his attention on her all the same.
She shook her head. "He wants you with him for the rest of the holidays."
"Mum, I don't have to-"
"You do." She sniffed. "I'm so sorry, Tristan. I had really hoped we could have this first Christmas together, all of us." Lizzy shared a sad little smile with Kat and reached for Clayton's hand, squeezing his fingers as they touched.
Kat understood that desire for physical comfort all too well. The thought of Tristan leaving made her want to cling to him.
For a long moment, Tristan didn't say a word, then he shoved his hands into his pockets and nodded as though making a decision.
"I suppose I ought to go, then." He let his mother kiss his cheek, then he ascended the stairs at a quick pace, leaving them all behind.
Leaving was a solution to their dilemma, but it left her feeling raw and hollow.
"I'm so sorry, Kat. Please excuse me." Lizzy covered her mouth with the back of her hand and blinked away tears.
"It's okay," Kat assured her, touching Lizzy's arm. Something about seeing Tristan's mother upset made her upset, too. "It would've been nice for all of us to be together for Christmas, but we'll have next year." She meant it. It was strange to have someone who cared about wanting to be around her, other than her dad, of course, but she liked being wanted.
Lizzy managed a smile, and Kat saw her dad frowning out of the corner of her eyes.
"I just wish Tristan's father wasn't such a … "
"Bully?" Kat replied without thinking. Heat rushed to her cheeks, and she glanced down. "Sorry. I shouldn't have said that."
"No," Lizzy straightened her shoulders. "You're right. The man is a bully. He heard about Clayton and me this morning, and it's made him furious."
"Tristan is an adult and can just say no, can't he?"
Lizzy clasped her hands, clenching her fingers tight. "It's not that simple. Tristan's father wields a lot of power, not just in politics, but in our lives. He pays for Tristan's schooling and his lifestyle. He's threatened to take all of that away if Tristan won't comply."
Kat's insides froze, and she shivered. "I can't imagine Tristan letting anyone force him to do something he doesn't want to do." She didn't want to know how Tristan was under his father's thumb, but she needed to know.
"It's complicated to explain, but part of it is that Tristan cares about everyone who works on the estate, especially Carter and his father, John Martin. Edward might fire John just to upset Tristan because it would force Carter to leave the estate as well, and he could deprive them of references to make it harder for them to find employment. It's medieval, but Edward is capable of much worse if he deems it necessary."
Someone would do that? How was it even possible that someone would be so cruel? No wonder Tristan despised his father.
"Lizzy, sweetheart, why don't we go to the kitchen for some hot cocoa and tea?" Her father curled an arm around Lizzy's waist and kissed her forehead, the act intimate and loving. He really does love her. Kat swallowed past the lump in her throat. Tristan kissed me like that only an hour ago … The flood of warmth inside her chest at the memory was soon torn apart. He was leaving her.
"Do you like tea?" Lizzy asked her, holding out a hand. Kat took it. "If not, we've plenty of cocoa. I find your father's sweet tooth endearing."
Clayton chuckled. "There's nothing wrong with a man admitting he likes sweet things, daughter and future wife included." He winked at Kat.