I cry for the mother they will never know, the one who will never hold them. I cry for my mate as the beast howls with pain at the loss of his equal. I know my men can feel my pain. It’s raw and brutal. She should be here with me, seeing the tiny precious lives we created together.
Another healer comes forward, her arms holding yet another fighting bundle, which she places in the crook of my other arm. He has white blonde hair and deep violet eyes, much like Synthia and Lasair, have as one of the colors of their matching eyes. I look into the child’s eyes and our bond connects. I can feel his heartbeat as if it’s my own. I hand off the first boy to Adam, and Ristan watches me as he shakes his head. Visions can change, we all know it, but if he had told me this would be my future, I’d have fucking stopped it.
Next comes the girl; she doesn’t fight like her brothers, and is almost still. As I move the thin blanket from her face, I’m filled with love as her golden eyes look up at me and I touch the wispy, fine platinum curls on the top of her head that’s so much like her mother’s. “Your brothers hid you and protected you,” I whisper into her ear as I kiss her tiny cheek. Her brothers had protected her, and kept her existence a well-guarded secret. Her mother never even got to know she existed. I feel the last bond connect, and my eyes lift to her mother’s lifeless ones.
“What now?” Ristan asks as he moves to the body.
“Don’t touch her,” I warn. I move, rushing to the body as I hand off my tiny daughter into Ristan’s arms.
“Ryder, she cannot be brought back. Danu has shown me what would happen if she intervened, and there was no world, no Humans, and no Fae left. She’s gone but your children are here, and they need you, brother, we all do.”
“What do you mean no world?” I snap.
“Nothing, nothing would be left of either world if you break the balance. This was supposed to happen, and you can’t break the balance by changing it. Synthia would never forgive you if you did, and you know it.”
“She’s my fucking world,” I say through the pain I know they can feel. I hate this weakness, and yet I don’t fucking care. She was my mate, and I was too afraid to admit it even to myself because of this, this useless pain. It eats at me, and consumes the beast with an anger that can easily overtake us all.
“Then tell her goodbye, brother, and let her go in peace,” Ristan says and I feel my brothers at my back, feeding me their strength. All of them await me, to see my choice. They’d kill this world if I ordered it, I know they would. Ristan is right, though. If I bring her back and kill the world to do so, I lose her anyway.
“Get out,” I whisper to everyone in the room. I scream the moment the room has emptied, and fall to my knees beside the bed where her body lays. I should have given her more; I should have given her everything she’d asked for in life. Now I was left with nothing, no warmth filled my body, nothing but regret and emptiness was left in my soul which could never again be filled.
*~*~*
I stand in the room, staring down at her lifeless body. Her hand is in mine, and it has since grown cold. The others had left the room at my command; Adam, Ristan, and Zahruk stood just beyond the door. I could hear them discussing a funeral. The babes had been taken up to the nursery, which had been created in my chambers, where I could protect and watch over them.
I look down at her face and close her eyes. I place my hand over her midriff where Ristan had removed our babes and healed up as much as he could of the damage he’d been forced to do. I was a father now, but the joy of it is diminished without Synthia to enjoy it with me. It felt empty without her, and I felt like I didn’t deserve the beautiful gifts she had left me; not without her by my side to watch them grow.